warning: talk about depression/possibly depressing topics and suicidal thoughts

have you ever felt so trapped in your situation--like whatever you do will just make your situation even worse--that you just gave up? 'cause that's where i'm at right now. and everyone keeps telling me that it will get better but i can't afford to keep on waiting forever. when i was 8 or 9 years old i was so stressed out that my hair started falling out. i was only a kid. things have only gotten worse since then. sure, my hair hasn't fallen out since but my relationship with my parents has become even more toxic. and school has only gotten worse. so let me just say this outright: i am not a legal adult where i live. so i live with my mom. my mom is constantly stressed and angry and so she takes it out on me. usually it's just yelling but a couple weeks ago she shoved me and i fell and over the weekend she grabbed my arm and now there's a bruise there. she also has no concept of personal space. when i tried to talk to her about how our relationship was unhealthy and we needed to fix it or i would have to leave her she started talking about how i'm her everything and she can't live without me and how before i was born she was so depressed but now she has a reason to live and how she couldn't handle being without me. that's obviously not healthy but i have no better options. my dad is even worse and lives on the other side of the country and i don't want to go into foster care. everyone keeps telling me that it gets better but i'm tired of waiting and waiting and trying and trying and still being miserable. i don't know how much of anything i can take anymore.