i'm really sorry i haven't written anything in so long. i have a serious case of writer's block. if you can even call it that because i don't really consider myself a writer. there's also a lot going on with me right now and idk how much longer i can keep pretending everything's fine. idk why i thought i could consistently post good quality updates for this channel, which is hard enough for me already, but then also hold everything else together. and now everything's slipping and idk what to do anymore. my situation right now is pretty awful and i just feel stuck. i'm struggling so much that every time i actually show up for one of my classes my teachers go "It's nice to see you Jessie, I haven't seen you in a while." right now the things that i need aren't an option. i need a good supportive family. i need rest, a break, a chance to be alone for a while and just relax, get away from it all. i need to actually do the things i'm supposed to do. but i just can't do any of those things right now, possibly ever. i don't want to keep disappointing the people who are important to me: my friends, my family, my teachers, you guys, myself. sorry for this long depressing block of text. i promise i'm doing my best. i'll try to post soon.