TW FOR RAPE

"C'mon try it Dami." Nick says and gives me the needle. "I don't know guys. People's lives can be ruined." I say cautious and he just laughs and hands it to Marcel. She inserts it into her vein and starts shaking a few minutes later. "MARCEL." I scream and someone runs around the corner to where we are. They see my backpack and immediately make conclusions. 

"NICK." I scream. He is limp and lifeless. "NO NO NO." I scream and sob. Marcel is pronounced dead a few minutes later. I try to get away from the police man and scream I didn't do it. They just scoff and put me in the cell. I get released the next day. When the trial comes around I'm found not guilty. The memory goes dark and another surfaces.

"P-please leave me alone." I whisper and the man laughs. "C'mon pretty boy. I payed good money for you." He says and I yell for Jack to help me. He starts touching me and I try to run away. He pins me to the wall and everything goes blank. 

"DAMIEN DAMIEN." I hear someones voice but it's so far away. I try and reach out but get pulled back into the depths of sadness. The chains claimed me long ago and they won't let me go. I let out a scream and my eyes fly open. I let out a choked sob and Nole is cradling me in his arms. "Shh shh you are safe. You are safe now." He says softly and I let out another sob.

"THEY'RE DEAD BECAUSE OF ME." I wail and he kisses my forehead. I come to my senses and push him away. "No." I growl and he looks hurt. I start backing up and trip over my guitar. I hear a cracking sound as I fall backwards.

Nole trys to come near but I yell no louder. I'm shaking and pick up the now broken guitar. I let out a huge scream and slam my head into something hard. "Nole, Nole back up." I hear someone say in a scared voice as I stand up. I walk towards him seeing red. 

"YOU MADE ME DO THIS. IF YOU JUST LEFT ME ALONE I COULD HAVE KEPT THE ONLY THING TYING ME TO HER. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE." I scream and push him. He looks scared and someone trys to pull me back. I just push them away and start hitting him. I hear whimpers of pain as I break his nose and make him bleed. 

I grab whatever was laying around and chuck it at him. He cowers as I throw a glass bottle at him. It shatters on him and Aaron grabs my arms. Roberts rushes to Nole's side as I'm screaming unintelligible words. "Damien calm down." He whispers in my ear and I fall to the floor. 

"Luci help me." Aaron calls urgently as my body starts to violently shake. "GET A BUCKET." He screams as I feel the bile coming up my throat. Luci places a bucket in front of me as I throw up. There are tears rolling down my face. "Is Nole alright?" Aaron asks quietly and Roberts nods. I stare at them lifelessly.

"He hates me." I whisper and throw up again. Luci says no but I nod. "He deserves to." I mutter and close my eyes. The night drags on as I wake up and upchuck, only to do it all over again. I wake up tired and go into the bathroom. 

My cheeks are swollen and my eyes had dark circles around them and were sunken in. I washed my body and traced the words on my leg. I change and put on shorts with a large sweatshirt. I grab my lighter and pack of cigarettes. It's noon so they are in class. I go out to the fire escape and light a cigarette. 

The nicotine slowly calms me an I hum softly to myself. I hear someone sit beside me but I keep my eyes closed. "I'm not mad you know." Nole says quietly and I turn to him. "You should be." I say taking in his injuries. He has stitches in his arms and right above his eyebrow. He has a bandage on his nose too.

I look away, ashamed of who I am and what I did. "Hey it's ok." He says softly and I laugh bitterly. "No it's not. Go find someone who is better for you." I say snap and stand up. "Damien I-" "No." I growl and my eyes fill with sadness. It hurts to leave him but I'm dangerous and unpredictable. "I can't." I say softly and leave him sitting there.

I just lay in my bed and try to forget everything. It doesn't work. The days pass and finally I'm allowed to go to class. I sit in the corner and listen to the new teacher. My foot taps lightly on the floor and I nod off to sleep. "Damien, you have to go to lunch." The teacher says and I nod. I rush off and find a place to hide.

I play on my phone until the bell rings and walk back to class. Everyone is already there and I feel Nole's eyes on me. I just keep my head down and sit in my seat. "You are in my seat." Someone says and I look up confused. "No I'm not." I say softly and she scoffs. "Rich boy, not every seat is for you." I get angry at her words.

I stand up and punch her straight in the face. The class gasps after I shake my hand out. "Tell me once again who's seat it is." I growl and she runs to the front of the classroom. I sit back down and tuck my hair behind my ear. There are whispers as the teacher comes into the room.

I just keep my head down and fall asleep again. I awake to people yelling and I groan in frustration. "NO IT SAYS HERE THAT THE CHERRY TREE IS A MYTH." Someone yells. I just roll my eyes and stand up. The teacher looks about as done as me and lets me leave. I walk out and lock eyes with some very muscular looking dudes.

"You hit my girlfriend." One growls and I laugh. "Funny. I hit a bitch." He throws and punch and I block it. I quickly hit him in the nuts. He groans and falls to the ground and I do the same to the rest. I scoff and leave them moaning on the floor.

I stomp to my hiding place and settle in for the night. I don't really want to see Roberts today. I hear someone walk up to me and bend down to eye level. "Go away Nole." I groan and open my eyes. "Look we don't have to date but can I at least let you sleep somewhere comfortable?" He asks and I sigh.

The concrete isn't very comfortable. I stand up and grab my bag. He leads me to his dorm and I sit on the extra bed. I stare at the ground and wait for him to go to bed. "Damien, are you alright?" Nole asks softly and I nod. I stand up and go into the bathroom.

I stare into the mirror and look at my reflection. My face is gaunt and my eyes were bloodshot. "I still love him." I mutter and rub my face. I walk out after pulling my hair up into a ponytail. I crawl under the covers and stare out the window. 

Nole moves around and finishes his homework. I hear the shower turn on at some point during the night. I hear him sigh and lie on his bed. "Damien, please talk to me." He begs and I say nothing afraid I will fall apart. I blink away the tears forming and stare at the stars.

"Damien. I love you." He says softly and I turn to stare at him across the room. He blinks in shock as I stand up and walk over to him. I sit on the floor right in front of his bed and pull my knees to my chest. My head rests on my knees as I stare at him curiously. 

"I tried to kill you." I whisper softly and he lets out a laugh. "Damien, I've seen it all before. I will not let another person push me away again. I will fight to see you happy like you were years ago." I smile sadly at him. "Nole I don't know how long you will have to fight for. It may be forever." I bite my lip waiting for his response to what I said.

"Damien I know you cannot be fixed like people want you to be. I know that you can be self destructive and hate everyone around you. Hell I know your fascination with being free. If we end up together or not I will still be happy for you. Damien, find someone who loves you for you." He says softly and I bite my lip.

I finally say, "Don't you already love me for me?" I ask a little teasingly and he sighs. "I do but I don't know if you will ever want me the way I want you. I may be hurt in the end but I would rather be hurt than you be unhappy because of my own selfish reasons." I stared at him with wide eyes. 

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"(OH BOY THAT'S MOVING A BIT FAST) I ask softly and his face brightens. "Sure." He says and moves so I can sleep next to him. He is stiff as I lay against him. I turn to face his face and wrap my arms around his body. He lets out a small gasp as I press closer to him.

"Warmth." I mumble and breathe in his scent. I don't sleep but watch him. "Nole I'm so sorry." I murmur against him. He just mutters in his sleep and pulls me tighter. "I'm sorry for hitting you and and hurting you and I know I'm a terrible person but I feel happy when I'm with you." I say softly and his head shoots up.