2074

The carnival was in town and Alexander was more excited than he should be. The rides and the food and the crowds of excited people always made him feel like a child again. As soon as he heard it was in town, he desperately wanted to go.

"They come every year," Isaac explained as they drove past the field the rides were being set up in. "It never really changes, but people love it anyway."

Alex smiled out the window. "Are you going to go?" he asked.

Isaac shook his head. "Nah, I haven't been in years. Like I said, it's the same thing every year," he said. "What? Did you want to go?"

"No, no, I was just wondering," he said and tried to ignore the disappointment in his gut. He'll just have to go on his own. Not the most fun thing in the world, but at least he would get to go on the rides.

"Sure," Isaac said with a smirk. "Ask Jaden, I'm sure he'll want to go. He goes every year he's here. He's such a child." There's was nothing wrong with being a little childish. It only really happened with Alexander when he went to a carnival or amusement park. It was the atmosphere, the cheerfulness of the people around him. It was infectious and he loved it.

They were on their way to Jaden's house for something. Isaac once again hadn't bothered to tell him what they were doing, but it was probably the same thing they usually did. Games or a movie marathon.

Jaden smiled and waved at them from the porch as they pulled up. Alex stretched his tired legs with a groan as he stepped out of the car. Isaac was already rushing for the door by the time Alexander could even think about heading over there.

"Alex wants to go to the carnival," Isaac said, causing Alex to roll his eyes. "You take him. I know you're going anyway."

Jaden grinned at him as Isaac pushed his way past. Alex joined the younger man on the porch with a shake of his head. "It's no big deal, you don't have to," he said.

"Like Isaac said, I'm going anyway. I might as well take you with me," Jaden said with a shrug. "It'll be the first time in a long time that I don't go on my own."

And with that, the plan was quickly settled. They'd go when the carnival was completely set up and open, in two days. Jaden would pick him up from Isaac's house and drop him back there afterwards. According to Jaden, they'd be there for hours. He liked to spend as much time there as he possibly could.

Two days came and went quickly, and soon enough Alexander found himself waiting outside Isaac's house for Jaden. He tapped his foot impatiently against the porch and shivered in the cool night air. According to Jaden, it was better to go at night. More people, more lights, more fun. Or at least, that was what he said.

A horn honked as Jaden drove into the driveway and pulled up in front of him. "Ready to go?" he asked, poking his head out the window. As per usual, he had a grin on his face.

Alexander shook his head at him and made his way over. "Yeah, yeah. Let's get this over with," he said as he hopped into the car.

"Wow, could you sound any less excited?" Jaden asked with a laugh. "You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

"No, no. I want to. I'm just tired is all." Working on the farm was long and tiring, but he had been looking forward to the carnival. Jaden grinned at him again and he found himself smiling back before he could think about it properly. He'd never get used to the way Jaden made him smile.

"Well, you won't be soon. This'll wake you right up. I'm not taking you home until at least midnight," Jaden told him as they drove away from the house.

Alexander's eyes widened. "What have I gotten myself into?" he asked, more to himself than Jaden.

"Hey, it's going to be great."

"I'm sure it is."

The carnival was loud and bright as they pulled into the parking lot in front of it. Multicoloured lights sprayed colour over the grassy field and the cars around them. The sound of laughter and cheering filled Alex's ears and he smiled. He loved the atmosphere of carnivals and amusement parks. Everyone was so happy and bright.

With a hand wrapped around his wrist, Jaden dragged him up to the ticket stand. He smacked Alex's hand away when he tried to pull out his wallet and thrust his card at the bored looking attendant. One ticket and the pair could go on as much rides as they wanted.

"Ferris wheel is boring," Jaden said as they walked past it.

"God damn, you're an adrenaline junkie, aren't you?" Alex asked with a laugh. Of course, he was. Now he was going to be dragged around to all the wild rides without a single break. At least it would keep him on his toes.

Jaden grinned at him again. "Oh yeah," he said and pointed a big whirly spinny thing that made Alex's gut churn just looking at it. "I hope you didn't eat too much." There wasn't much of a line for the ride. It seemed that most people were too scared to go on the biggest ride in the field. Jaden apparently wanted to do the best ride first.

Strapped into the seat, Alex felt the anticipation rise in him. His stomach always hated him after such busy rides, but his mind loved it. A hand planted itself on his knee and he gave Jaden a reassuring smile as the ride started. Next to him, Jaden whooped and cheered as they spun and flew through the air. He usually stayed silent on rides, scared that if he opened his mouth he would vomit, but as per usual, Jaden's cheerful nature was infectious. He cheered along with him as they flipped upside down. He didn't even realise that Jaden hadn't taken his hand from his leg until the ride pulled to a stop.

His stomach gurgled at him, but he wasn't sure if it was from the ride of the nervousness that had sparked within him. Jaden pulled his hand away as they were unstrapped from their seats and Alex tried to ignore the feeling his hand had left behind on his leg.

He stood, legs shaky and tried not to focus on the wild thoughts racing through his mind. It was like an alarm in there, warning him not to get any closer to the other man. It was too dangerous. He'd been so adamant against making friends, he couldn't get any closer to Jaden. There'd been too much heartbreak in his life, even making friends would only cause more.

Jaden didn't notice his thoughts. How could he? But every time he overthought something, Jaden was there, as if he knew. But instead, Jaden grabbed his hand with a grin and pulled him through the short, trampled grass. Alex wanted to rip his hand away, to run back to the car and drive away, but he couldn't. He wanted to spend time with his friend and ignore the attraction he held for him.

It's what he'd been doing since they'd first met. He couldn't deny that Jaden was an attractive man. He was smart, funny, caring, all the things that attracted Alex to a person. But he couldn't dwell on it or let it grow any more than that.

Thoughts of Philip and everyone else he'd ever loved, family or friends, swam into his mind. He forced them away. He was meant to be having a good time with Jaden, not dwelling on the past and making himself sad. He was at a carnival. He was meant to be happy.

Children rushed past him with huge grins, quickly followed by panicked parents desperately trying to catch up to them. Alexander chuckled at the sight and let himself relax. Jaden's hand in his didn't matter. They were friends, that was all they would ever be.

The night became a blur of rides and laughter, chatter and nausea. Jaden laughed at him whenever he stumbled from a ride and questioned whether he actually liked carnivals. Alex always answered the same way: he loved the rides, but his stomach didn't.

Dizzy from a ride that spun way too much, Jaden took them over the little stalls filled with cash grabbing games. The clown heads gaped at him as they turned, and Jaden's eyes widened with joy. "You are such a child," Alex said with a shake of his head.

"Don't judge me," Jaden replied and fished his wallet from his pocket. Alex watched in amusement as the other man played the game with a childish glee.

He barked out a laugh when Jaden was handed the world's smallest soft toy as a prize. "How do you fail the clown game?" he asked as he came back over to him.

"I have special skills," Jaden replied and dropped down onto one knee, the soft toy held out in front of him. "For you, my lady."

Alexander was grateful for the darkness around them as his cheeks heated up. "Oh, haha," he said and grabbed the toy. It resembled a lion, but the eyes weren't aligned, and the colour wasn't quite right. "I'm keeping this, smartarse."

"I mean, that is why I gave it to you," Jaden replied, standing and straightening out his legs with a grunt.

"Oh." Alex stared at the stuffed animal with furrowed eyebrows. "Thanks." He smiled at the strange looking thing and tucked it into the pocket of his jacket.

"No problem," Jaden said with a smile, grabbing his hand once again. He tugged him through the crowds and over to the Ferris wheel.

Alexander looked up at it with a frown. "I thought you said this was boring," he said.

Jaden shrugged at him. "Yeah, but we've been on all the fun rides and I thought a slow one might be a good way to end it," he replied.

"End it?" Alex said in confusion.

"Yeah. It's almost midnight, Alex. This place will be closing up soon." Had it really been that long already? It only felt like an hour or so had passed. As he thought it, he realised that the crowds had began to thin. There weren't as many people around him as there had been when he'd arrived. Most were starting to make their way back to the makeshift car park. "Come on."

The man running the wheel gave them a bored look as he checked their tickets and got them settled on the swaying seat. Alexander leaned back into the seat with a sigh as it lifted slowly into the air. It was relaxing in comparison to the wild rides they'd been on all night.

He smiled down at the beautiful multicoloured lights that flashed and twinkled below them. The sparse lights of the town beyond twinkled like stars in the darkness. Other towns danced in the distance like constellations, so far away from anything.

Jaden was a warm presence next to him. "I'm glad you decided to come with me," he said. "It's weird going to these things alone."

"It is," Alex agreed. "I'm glad I came. I've had a good time." He looked over to him and his stomach flipped when he caught Jaden's eye.

Jaden smiled at him. "Good, I'm glad," he said, voice quiet. Their thighs pressed together on the seat and a cool wind chilled him to the bone. Out of instinct, he pressed closer to the warm body next to him until their shoulders touched.

His hand itched to reach out and grab Jaden's but he ignored it. The other man frowned at him, teeth biting down on his lip. Alexander couldn't tear his eyes away, despite how much he should.

Jaden leaned towards him and Alexander couldn't find it in him to pull away. He could just let it happen. He shouldn't, but he could. He wanted it to happen, deep down, despite everything that would happen as a result. It was a bad idea, but he was stupid and fell for people far too quickly. He was willing to make the same mistakes for a little bit of happiness.

The seat jolted to a stop and Jaden ripped away from him as if terrified of what would happen if he kept moving. He said nothing as he looked over the carnival and towns.

Alex looked down at his feet and tried to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach. He was an idiot, thinking anything could happen between the two of them. Some would call him a hopeless romantic, others would call him desperate. He'd call himself lonely and stupid.

They spent the rest of the ride and the trip back to the car in uncomfortable silence. Alexander sighed but didn't try to break the silence. What could he possibly say? They'd almost kissed; addressing that would only be awkward and pointless. They were better off as friends, Jaden certainly thought so. It was the carnival, that was what had done it. The atmosphere only encouraged pointless romantic exploits. Jaden would forget about it in a week and they'd be fine. They'd be friends.

If they went any further than that, Alex would have to tell the truth about who he was and how old he was. It wouldn't end well. It was a huge betrayal of trust. He had to keep it secret. All Alex had to do was ignore his attraction and the voice in the back of his mind that told him to pursue it.

I have a soft spot for carnival scenes in romance books