Hello and welcome to the book! My name is Cyan Jones and I’ll be your narrator today! On your left you’ll notice dark and frankly worrisome humor, to your right is an abundance of stupid metaphors that would make a english teacher want to puke, and if you look in absolutely any direction you will be smacked in the face with the overwhelming amount of homosexuality in this “book”. That concludes our tour, if you would like to exit this train wreck immediately before having to sit through more of my bullshit excuse of ‘humor’ then please close this book and place it neatly back on the shelf or dumpster you found it! Have a swell day!
Wow, I wasn’t expecting anyone to make it this far! Congrats, you really have no standards when it comes to literature. Well I’ve already given you a brief overview of what’s in store so be prepared for all this and more cause we’re about to dive right into one of the best days of my life; the day I met a sarcastic and spiteful Japanese boy who I got to drag all over New York.
It took roughly twenty minutes of uncomfortable squirming in my office chair and being surrounded in a dense fog of cigarette smoke, sweat, and failure for me to decide that I would much rather be hanging out with the racoons out back then be in this stuffy office.
I really can’t stand it when I have to sit through boring meetings like this one. Everyone always looks so serious, none of them can take a joke, and I always end up getting yelled at for something! It’s always “You can’t throw someone off a roof!” or “Leaving people hanging off of lamp posts is gross!” and even “You can’t be out after 5am or someone will see the bloodstains!”
I rocked my chair farther back on its legs as Captain South went on about shifts and arrests and a bunch of boring stuff I didn’t even care about. I wasn’t technically a part of the NYC police department but for some god-forsaken reason I had to sit through meeting after meeting, losing the few brain cells that I haven’t gotten beat out of me, as I clung to the hope that something interesting would happen, but alas, it never has.
“Alright, that concludes today’s meeting, however we have one more matter to discuss.” Captain South, a 50 some year old man who had always reminded me of an old bulldog that got turned into a human, announced in his overzealous captain voice. I kept rocking on the back legs of my chair with my mud covered boots resting on the tables edge as I awaited my fate, that fate including getting yelled at by a bunch of depressed, middle-aged assholes who hate their lives.
“You can relax Cyan, this isn’t about something you’ve done.” I perked up at that. Almost any time Captain said ‘we have one more matter to discuss’ at the end of a meeting it was because my complaints box had gotten full. This was new! All of my prayers had been answered, God was real and he was looking out for me!
“We will be welcoming a new member today. His name is Hitoshi Tachibana and he will be joining as a crime scene investigator, so naturally you will all be working closely with him during cases, so I expect all of you” Eyes drilled holes into me at this point. “To welcome him and answer any questions he has.”
I started picking the tatters in my jeans when the Captain went into the hall to retrieve the newest recruit. He was also most likely warning him about yours truly. I’ve been with the department for almost two years now, and within my short time here I’ve made quite a name for myself. “Insane” is the most common of those but my personal favorite has always been “demon”. It just has a nice ring to it, ya know?
“Please welcome Mr. Hitoshi Tachibana.” I decided to take a little courtesy glance but quickly had to do a double take. From my previous experiences with new “co-workers” they’ve always been old guys, woman, or self-righteous assholes, all of which were not my type. Sure, i still flirted with them, but that was typically just to lighten the mood. Believe it or not people tend to be a little down in the dumps when they work with messy dead bodies and drug dealers. Personally I didn’t get it, but I’m sympathetic so whatever.
But this guy did not fall into any of the usual categories. He looked to be close to my age though more likely than not he was older cause it isn’t exactly easy to get a job like this when your nineteen and despite his slightly intimidating built-like-a-brick-shit-house look, he wore a polite smile almost as well as those tight black dress pants and white button down. That is to say he wore it very well.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you all, I look forward to working with all of you.” He tried to hide it, but it was clear as day that he had a japanese accent, which I couldn’t help but mentally coo at.
Once everyone had filed out and South lead Hitoshi to his office, I decided to introduce myself.
“Pleasure to meet cha! I’m Cyan, dear old Captain Bulldog’s favorite little cryptid, you want me to show you around the place?” I announced as I waltzed into South’s office and plopped into my favorite seat, the bean bag chair I had found in a dumpster, the color looking remarkably similar to something you’d find in a baby’s diaper.
“Cyan, what are you planning?” South asked, already looking defeated.
“Who, little ol’ me? Why I’m just takin’ a spell and enjoyin’ the view.” I batted my eyelashes dramatically.
“I can’t stand you.”
“Then why don’t you take a seat?” I deep and broken sigh was his response.
“Excuse me, but who are you exactly?” Hitoshi asked, seeming almost unnerved by our playful banter.
“This is Cyan, he’s an obnoxious little creature but he’s a skilled fighter and the department sends him in as an undercover cop when we need it, though he does do quite a few...messier jobs for the department.” South explained. Hitoshi eyebrows rose and my grin grew with every word.
“Oh, I wasn’t expecting...that.” My grin only widened at the awkward, if a little frightened, expression he wore.
“Excuse me, but you left out the best parts of my job! I don’t want him to think I just sit around dressed like a junky while pretending to shoot up!” South’s eye twitched and the corner of Hitoshi’s lips twitched.
“Will you just leave already? I have to get Mr. Tachibana set up and show him around the building.” South’s eyes widened once he realized what he had said.
“Well if that’s the case then I’d happily take our new little bird on a tour around the nest before he spreads his wings and takes flight.” I threw an arm around Hitoshi shoulders, not an easy task for someone scraping 5’4 while he was at least 6 feet. South scrubbed his hands across his face, looking to all the world like a defeated man.
“Fine, but your not to leave the building, and when you inevitably ignore that rule, don’t get mugged, stabbed, shot, or kidnapped.”
“Of course, of course! What kinda man would I be if I let someone hurt such a pretty face?”
I linked me and Hitoshi’s arms and lead him away from the annoyed Captain and most likely his own sanity.
“Are we going to the lab?” He asked with a cute little head tilt. I noticed that his cheeks held the hint of a blush.
“Of course we are.” I gave his beefy shoulder a reassuring pat. “Right after a quick detour to this awesome pizza place.”
“I thought we weren’t supposed to leave the building? I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble.” He gave me the most hilariously ernest look I had ever seen on another human.
Oh, this was going to be fun.
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