The peak of the mountain is within our reach. I could hardly contain my joy as we were about to reach it. I could finally call out to my pack. Even if they were farther away than expected, perhaps someone is looking for me and would hear the call.

Dusk approaches us steadily as the sun begins to fade over the mountains. I look out towards the vast world I had never seen in such a way before and am amazed at the sun as it sets. And as I witness this amazing view, I become heavy with hesitance. If I do find my pack, this journey will end. I would say goodbye to Nightfang and goodbye to the many things I have yet to see. Nightfang…Would he miss me if we parted? Would he whisper my name in his sleep instead? I look to him as we traverse onward and it seems he is troubled. He seems agitated and somber. I trot a bit faster to keep up with his pace and nudge his side.

“Hmm?” He asks. His black fur is ruffled and scruffy. His eyes are focused but passionate with life. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” I say softly, but I know I am not. Not really. I kind of wish softly to myself that I do not find my pack or they find me so soon. I wish to wander more and see more of this vast world Nightfang has told me so much about. I nip his ear and pull him away from the path we are supposed to be headed.

“What?” He asks as he escapes my grasp.

“I don’t want to call out.” I say finally.

“What? Why?” He asks curiously.

“This is the first time in my life that I have experienced, seen, and felt things I never thought I would.” I admit softly. “I know this is selfish of me to say, but…I want to experience, see, and feel more.”

“What about your pack? Aren’t they worried about you? Don’t you think you should at least let them know you’re safe?” He asks as he sits and waits for my response. “My promise was to get you back to your pack. This random desire of yours wasn’t part of that promise.”

“No, it wasn’t…but…didn’t you also say you wanted to spend more time together?”

“I thought you didn’t like me.” He says with a click of his tongue. I lower my gaze from him and whimper softly before he sighs. “Look, I was dumb like you once.” Dumb? “There’s a lot of things I regret. One of them is leaving my pack. Even if I would be casted out if they had found out, at least I was with those who cared about me, that worried for me. I’m out here wandering this world, but what if something were to happen to me? I’ve got no one who’d miss me or notice I’m gone.”

“I would.” I suddenly say.

“Huh?”

“I would…notice…” I say softly. “I would…miss you…”

“You’re not buttering me up with your words, Princess.” He says bitterly. “I’m taking you back. That’s it.”

“I wasn’t trying to sway you.” I say a bit more angrily. “I was being sincere.”

“Oh yeah?” He asks aggressively.

“Yes!” I say loudly. “You have gotten on my nerves numerous times, but your company is…reassuring…comforting…” I muster up my courage and hope for the best outcome. “I like you.” Nightfang’s ears perk up and his expression softens. He becomes shy and lowers his head a bit. I turn away from him out of shyness and embarrassment before he clears his throat.

“You do?” He asks shyly. I nod. “Thanks…I like you, too...” He looks at me with a stern expression before he nudges me towards the path up the mountain. “We’re still doing this.” I sigh as I march up the mountain sadly. “If they don’t answer. We’ll both be in luck…” Nightfang whispers almost too quietly, but I notice it. My ears perk up and I look at him with a smile.

We finally make it near the peak of the mountain and rest for a moment. The moon is high in the sky by the time we prepare for me to call out. I am nervous and worried. In the pit of my stomach I feel terrible, but I face the task ahead of me. I lift my head up to the sky so my nose is pointed to the moon and howl loudly into the cold, dead night.

Nightfang and I wait for some sort of response, but the night is silent for a long time before I hear a haunting howl back. The howl is not familiar to me but Nightfang seems on edge and alert as he hears it. I dare not ask who it might be and how he may know them, least I make him remember some awful memories, but he seems to be in distress by the call nevertheless.

“Bloodbeast.” Nightfang whispers. “That rogue…”

“Who is that?”

“A terrible wolf who kills all in his path. He has scars on his face from numerous battles. He is blind in one eye and is missing pieces of flesh on his body, but he lives like a walking corpse.”

“That doesn’t sound pleasant…”

“He is the largest wolf I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.” Nightfang explains solemnly. “With dark eyes as if there is no soul behind them. He was once the leader of his own pack, the Beast pack, but he was overthrown by his brother, Howling King.”

“So, they are brothers…no wonder…they both have the same bloody history.” I say bitterly.

“We’d be wise to stay clear of them both. We should leave this area as quickly as possible. He might try to find us after that call.”

“I hope not…” I say fearfully. Nightfang looks at me warmly as he approaches me. He rubs his body against mine and nuzzles my muzzle.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you. There’s no need to be afraid.” He says as he leads me down the mountain in the darkness. His scent clings onto my body and makes me feel bothered in a different way than irritated. I sigh as I realize that this is going to be a long journey… Nightfang suddenly lifts his nose to the night sky and howls in a different frequency than I had expected. It might be a way for him to disguise his true howl so Bloodbeast does not follow us.

“I’m calling Howlingwind.” He informs me. “He and I have a special way we call to each other.”

“Ah…interesting…” I say, a bit less enthused.

“You seem jealous.” He asks with a smirk.

“I am not.”

“Sure, Snowheart.” He says with a laugh. “As I’ve said before, you’re a bad liar.”

“I am not lying.” I say a little less convincingly. “Look, it doesn’t matter if I am jealous or not. It’s not my business.” Nightfang interrupts me as he jumps in front of me and smiles.

“You know what I see in your eyes when you look at me?”

“No. I can’t see my own eyes.” I say as I push passed him nervously.

“You look at me with this dominating desire like you want me to be yours.” He says happily. “Am I reading too much into your eyes?”

“I think we often interpret things the way we want to perceive them. It’s all an illusion your own eyes make.” I say bitterly. “Let’s focus on getting back to the bottom of the mountain.” I say as I continue on without meeting his gaze.

My thoughts begin to wander as I begin to think that perhaps Nightfang is telling the truth. Have I been looking at him with passionate desire? My response to his musk was certainly a clear indication that perhaps what I feel for him isn’t just curiosity or admiration. Never in my life have I responded in such a way, especially towards a wolf of his nature, especially towards a male. But then again, I have never encountered such a wolf in my life. Most of my pack is quite focused and stern when it comes to matters of life. They take everything so seriously. Only the pups play and even then, they do it out of duty. It’s a training lesson for when they need to form important bonds and an intimate relationship with their mates later in life. My mother and father were very firm in raising their children. They wanted us all to be great hunters, trackers, and romantic partners. We were destined to be…perfect.

If I were to accept the possible truth that I am graced…it would never go over well with any of my pack. They would banish me, cast me aside like I was nothing to begin with in their eyes. Even worse, if I revealed to them that I harbor feelings for the son of Blackfang? I can’t fathom how disappointed and astonished they would be. They would surely denounce my very existence and try to forget the disappointment of a son of Moonbright and Sky Eyes. I could never return to a life of normalcy, if you could call my life that.

But when I look at Nightfang, he seems content with his proclaimed status as graced aside from the fact that he is looking for a mate he has not found yet. He is proud and cheerful as he can be given his circumstances and I find it charming that he is the way he is. Joyful, I mean…Perhaps, I still haven’t accepted the fact that he would mate with a male without much of a second thought. It is just as I can’t fathom my sexual frustration being the result of wanting to mate with him.

Is it truly bad to want someone who is the same sex?

Nightfang doesn’t think so and he is relentlessly trying to prove me wrong in my assumptions and prejudices against graced ones. Even I have adopted his preferred term to call such beings out of respect for him and all that he has been through.

The night sky is alive with stars and I find them comforting to gaze at while I am lost in my thoughts. Nightfang sits beside me and licks my cheek softly. I look at him curiously. We are not mates, and yet, I have little judgement about his affections towards me. I have even become accustomed to giving him affection. I am puzzled by this. Are we mates? We seem to be doing things that would often indicate that we have an intimate relationship, but we have not spoken about the nature of our relationship towards one another at length.

“Goodnight, Snowheart.” Nightfang says as he yawns.

“Wait…” I say softly. “Don’t fall asleep yet…”

“Why? Is there something wrong?” He asks.

“I want to ask you something…” I say timidly. He listens attentively and looks at me with a focused expression. “Do you love Howlingwind?” His ears perk up at the name of his love interest and he turns away from me for a moment to ponder the question.

“I haven’t really thought about it in that way…” He says softly. “There’s a difference in sexual attraction and love…I think…” I think so too. “When you love someone, you want to be with them in all kinds of ways, romantically, sexually, casually. But sexual attraction is different. You have frustrations about them and just have interest in them for sexual pleasure. Their body is compatible to yours and maybe you could care less about their personality as long as you feel content with their sexual prowess.”

“Yes…I suppose that’s true…” I say softly. “And so, what you feel for Howlingwind is…?” The question is not simple. He seems a bit perturbed by me asking it. He has probably never asked such a question to himself.

“I like him in all kinds of ways, but I don’t know if I’d say that’s love.” He finally says. I almost have to contain my frustration in his roundabout way of answering such an important question. “I mean, love? I don’t really know what that feels like.”

“Well, my sister once said… ‘It’s when your heart races when you’re near them, your thoughts are overwhelmed by them, you have overflowing happiness when you spend time with them. You just cannot possibly live without them and detest the thought if you had to.’” I say before I realize what nonsense the last sentence seems to be. It is almost as though she was describing obsession. “But, what did she know? As I told you before, she was deranged.” I roll my eyes.

“Oh right, you did say that, didn’t you?” Nightfang says with a laugh. “Well, I don’t know if I could say I feel all that for Howlingwind. I enjoy his company and I think of him quite a bit, and I am happy to spend time with him, but all those emotions I feel aren’t really intense like what you described.”

“Then you feel sexually attracted to him.”

“I am sexually frustrated, so I even feel sexually attracted to a rock when I’m bothered like that.” Nightfang says with another hearty laugh.

“Just answer the question.”

“Yes, I am sexually attracted to him.” He says nonchalantly. “But I can say I am also sexually attracted to someone else too.” He says as he looks at me with that seductive look. I turn away from him and feel a bit disheartened. In his eyes, I am just another male wolf that he wants to mount and mate with. Although I had not liked the idea at first of being flawed, to hear that I am nothing special to the wolf I might have feelings for is not at all pleasant. I am utterly disappointed in having thought that perhaps I was important to him. I am a fool. “I am also attracted to this someone else in other ways too.” He adds shyly. “I don’t know if I can call it love either, but maybe it is?” He says softly. “I’ve never really been in love before so I don’t really know, but it might be.” He says as he nuzzles my face. I make the decision to lower my head underneath his and lie my head down on his paws as he places his head atop of my neck lightly.

I whimper a bit and in response he begins to lick the top of my head gently.

“I don’t know what love is either, to be honest.” I say. I can feel the muscles of Nightfang’s face beginning to move and form what I assume to be a smile. “I want to know what it is…”

“I do too.” He says as we begin to fade into slumber again. He begins to breathe calmly and I notice he is asleep.

“Maybe this is love…” I say as I contently sleep in his warm presence.