The next morning is bright and beautiful and I stretch to awaken my tired body. I don’t find Nightfang beside me, so I assume he has run off to hunt down some food. I follow his scent and the faintness of his pawprints in the dirt that leads to the river. I find him bathing in it and attempting to catch fish. His jaws snap shut on the water and makes splashes. He looks foolish, but I am charmed by his attempts. He sneezes and growls as he begins to get out of the river.

“Morning.” I say softly.

“Morning,” He says a bit grumpily, “Berry makes it look so easy.”

“She is a bear. She’s had many years of experience and she is adept to such tasks.”

“You’re making me look like a disappointment.” He says as he laughs. I nuzzle his chin and lick his face.

“You aren’t.” I say sternly into his eyes. He seems a bit shaken by my gaze as he looks away. Nightfang is resourceful, knowledgeable, and skillful. He is a much better wolf than I could ever dream to be.

“We should head to the north fields now. Howlingwind is waiting for me there. He could have useful information about your pack. He’s the best tracker.” Nightfang informs me. My insecurity begins to surface as I realize I am neither a good hunter nor tracker. I am not adept at anything. Perhaps, I am the least suited male to be Nightfang’s mate, that is if he’d consider me as a possible suitor in the first place. I sigh and wet my paws in the river before taking a drink. “No need to get discouraged.” He says as he hums and licks my cheek. “You are more beautiful and charming than him.”

“Your flattery will not get you very far.” I say with a huff as I begin to head back down to the mountain. Nightfang walks beside me without another word. We walk silently down and witness the feathered flyers scattering up into the sky out of fright of our presence. The rabbits hiding in their burrows only listen carefully to our footsteps and watch us with unwavering focus. They are cautious and extremely anxious. Their noses twitch violently from fear, for good reason—my favorite is rabbit’s meat. I lick my lips and wonder if this time I can catch one myself. The open fields are different than the cover the forest provides for a sneak attack. I am almost sure of my success as I begin to lower my body and hide behind the brush.

Nightfang watches me with curious eyes. I am a spectacle to him and I aim to impress. In so many things, I have disappointed my parents, but impressing Nightfang seems to strike motivation in me. I lie flat on the ground and watch the swiftfeet carefully. They are alert, but hungry for fresh grass. Their physiological needs prove to overcome their fear and they begin to slowly come out from their burrows. They hop around and pick at the grass as I begin to survey the ones who are weaker or who are ill. There is one who is much bigger than the rest, possibly the head of the family, the leader. He has much meat on him, but he has powerful legs and is younger than expected. He must have just earned the title of leader.

My eyes finally find a smaller male, but still a suitable meal. I lift my body carefully and as quietly as possible. A rabbit notices something, probably the faintest sound of my footsteps and lifts its body to periscope the surroundings. When I stay still, they go back to their business and I smirk as I begin the hunt, circling around to get a better position and then lunging into the fray. Everyone scatters in a state of panic and I follow the small one. When I finally trip him with my paws, I capture him in my mouth.

In my jaws, the small male rabbit struggles and calls out for help, but none come to his aid out of fear and instinct. The rest have long since hid back into their burrows. As I’m about to bite into his neck, he pleads for mercy.

“Please!” He cries. “Don’t…Don’t do this…” I release him from my mouth. He does not try to escape because of his wound on his hind legs.

“Why should I spare your life, if I’m hungry? Do you spare the grass when you are hungry?” I ask him as I lick my lips and put a paw on his throat to keep him still.

“That’s not such a sound argument. The grass doesn’t have a face, a voice, or a mind.” Nightfang teases as he approaches the scene.

“Wait, I have seen you before…” The rabbit says. “No…the other was a female…but your eyes are the same…” My eyes become bright with happiness.

“My mother, you’ve seen my mother?!” I ask excitedly. The rabbit becomes even more anxious by my outburst. “Where?” I ask a bit more menacingly.

“Gah! Please…” He says softly. “I saw a pack of wolves pass the mountains after the fire. I heard them say they were travelling to Lover’s Pass.”

“Lover’s Pass…” Nightfang repeated. “That’s farther north…why would they be travelling there? It doesn’t have much prey out there. It’s just a place to mate or find a mate.” Nightfang says simply. “It’s near human territories, where wolves don’t really go.”

“My mother…” I breathe. “She’s trying to find another mate…” Nightfang looks at me curiously. I become disheartened. My mother had told me once that my father was her true love, her fated mate, but the responsibility to the pack was most important. If she had to find another mate, she would do it for the pack. An alpha pair is usually said to be together for life, but if one dies…it is not uncommon for them to find a new mate for the sake of the pack. That’s the way of the wolf. I feel sorrowful for my father who would now only be a memory. He’d truly be gone, but it is also a sign that she has given up on me and took back the position of alpha to make up for her disappointment of a son. Of course, it is to be expected. I am missing. It is for the best of the pack for her to reaffirm herself as alpha female and find a mate, but it pains me to know how quickly they have tossed me aside.

They are not looking for me.

I whimper and release the rabbit from my grasp, too filled with sorrow and anger to even eat any longer. The little one scampers away into his burrow and I grit my teeth to try to keep myself from crying. Nightfang quickly sits beside me and presses his head into mine and licks me softly. He nuzzles me and begs me not to feel sad. He tries to make me laugh or annoy me with his usual antics, showing me his stomach or trotting about like a fool, but it doesn’t do much good. I am broken inside.

“Snowheart…” Nightfang says softly. “Please don’t be sad…it’ll be okay.”

“No, it won’t.” I say angrily. “I’m lost. My pack isn’t looking for me. I have been denounced because I was unfit.”

“You don’t know if they’re not looking for you.” Nightfang tries to assure me.

“Is your pack looking for you?” I ask bitterly. His eyes become wide with surprise and then become somber. I realize my mistake and whimper a bit. His eyes become wild with anger as he lunges at me, tossing me to the ground and putting his paws on my chest to hold me down. I struggle in his hold, but it doesn’t do much good. He’s stronger and bigger than me.

“You know, I have put up with all your shit. Your bad moods, your pretentiousness, your bitter words, but I’m fed up with you taking out all your anger and frustrations out on me. I am just trying to help you because I care about you!” He says loudly through his gritted teeth before he growls and quickly releases his hold on me. He walks off in his tempered state and I am left to wonder why it is that I am so awful to the one I have only started to realize I have feelings for.

I sprint to catch up to Nightfang and whimper a bit with my ears down, not to appease him or charm him, but to lower myself to him.

“Nightfang…I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have…”

“Yeah, you keep saying that. ‘I shouldn’t have’ done this or that. I’m done being your escort. You don’t really care about me or welcome my help.” He says aggressively. “Stop following me.” I stop in my tracks and whine a bit as I watch him leave. He walks at a brisk pace before he runs off into the brush of the forest, fading into the distance until I can no longer see him.

I lie on the ground sorrowfully and wonder if fate has had a hand in this, but I denounce the thought as I know in my heart that this was all my fault.

For most of the day, I walk around the fields at the base of the mountain, lying in the grass or in the shade of the trees in a distraught mood. I find myself missing Nightfang as much as I had missed my pack. I sigh as the sun begins to set on the day. I sniff the air and imagine Nightfang’s scent. I curl up into a ball and nuzzle my head against the ground and imagine his touch. I whimper as I feel the breeze flow through my fur.

My body suddenly becomes hot and I am bothered by this yearning inside that I can’t seem to control. I whimper as the feeling becomes stronger. I close my eyes and try to think of something else—anything else. I open my eyes and find myself being watched by a pair of orange eyes. I back away out of fright and then notice the red fur. I growl out of irritation and turn my body away.

“Having a bit of trouble, eh?” Ruby asks as he inspects me. I am utterly embarrassed and irritated by his presence and continually growl at him to go away. “Don’t have to be so tempered. I’m only concerned. I mean, isn’t your temper the reason why Nightfang abandoned you?” He says with a mischievous grin.

“You, who told you such things?” I ask as I lift my body up and make an offensive stance.

“The sky has eyes, my friend. I just love good ole gossip.” Ruby explains. “So, you’re yearning for your mate.”

“We…” I sigh and feel sorrowful again. “We aren’t mates…” I say softly, disappointedly so.

“Ah, yes, right, but you’re still yearning for him.” Ruby repeats.

“I will not tolerate this, sly mongrel.” I say aggressively. “I am in no mood to deal with such treatment.”

“Oh, but do you think it was fair of you to treat Nightfang in such ways?” Ruby says bitterly. My eyes widen and I feel pathetic and miserable. Ruby’s words ring true. I was not fair or entirely kind to Nightfang. Why should I expect better treatment from others? I lie back down on the ground and close my eyes to try to soothe the awful feelings I am being overcome by. “It isn’t just about apologizing for things sometimes. It is about acting on those promises and becoming better than you were before. Change is a part of life, but allowing yourself to change is a matter of the heart.” I hear his words and understand them. They give me a bit of motivation for what lies ahead of me. I must be prepared for the day when I might meet Nightfang again. I must not only apologize. I must act on that apology and improve myself.

“I think I love Nightfang…much more than I could ever understand…” I admit finally. “I have never been entirely close with anyone besides my family and my childhood playmates. They have all been so accustomed to my mannerisms and personality. I’ve been so awful to them as well, I realize.”

“Well, there’s still time to be better.” Ruby says before trotting away. “Nightfang will return, Snowheart.” Ruby says with a smile. “He’ll return to you.”

As he fades away into the distance, I remember how Nightfang had disappeared when he left me. I rest my eyes and sigh.

I hope he returns.