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Shinkuu had ten years when she and her mother moved to Italy. After her mother married a wealthy Italian businessman, it passed some time before they were able to leave Japan. Not because of his father, who was passing his days in a jail, powerless and indifferent to the business of his former family, but due to a large amount of documentation and other “adult things” that Shinkuu couldn’t understand at that time. Everyday during that time, she would see her mother rushing from one place to the other, barely having time to stay at home. Her new “father” wasn’t even in the country to begin with, busy as usual in his business overseas. Unfortunately for the poor girl, she was forced to stay at home all day by herself. Her grandfather and grandmother lived in a place far away from the city, so they couldn’t take care of her, neither her mother thought about having someone to take care of her child. Even after the recovery period for her wounds, Shinkuu’s mother didn’t allowed her to return school, preferring giving whatever the girl wanted to pass the time at home secluded. Be toys or books, Shinkuu had whatever she wanted. At the beginning, she was very happy about this arrangement. No more duties, no more school, no more homework. She even thought that getting her eye lost wasn’t that bad in the end. However, after a couple of weeks, she realized that it wasn’t fun anymore. She felt lonely, abandoned, forced to be independent, especially regarding her meals, somehow learning to make them herself. This situation lasted for many months until, finally, the big day come, one that Shinkuu’s mother was waiting for so long. Also Shinkuu was enthusiastic about all the new things she would live thereafter. Her secluded boring life was destroying her childish spirit. This opportunity was refreshing and amusing for her. The travel and the reunion with his new “father” was full of emotions. Her mother jumped on his husband with such happiness and joyful tears, that also the daughter was filled with such emotions. In that moment she felt like her family was united again, and she would live happily with them. That was the only one moment in her entire life she felt like that. Because, days after, she realized what kind of family life she would have for the following six years. As before, both her mother and her “father” neglected her, ignored her and almost were annoyed by her presence. They were truly happy when the private tutoring on English she was having at home ended so she could attend middle school. Having a girl with a sad face wasn’t the best for two adults that wanted to have fun alone in that little time they had to see each other, after all. At school things weren’t as good as she thought. Her Italian was still rough and hard to pronounce sometimes, making her the target of some bad jokes about her accent. Her low profile and gloom mood only become worst with time, at the point that, even if she would like to have some friends, she couldn’t. The years passed and, with each year Shinkuu found herself in new classes with different people. Because of the trauma of previous years, though, even some girls and guys that tried to talk to her were easily demotivated by her negativity and almost refuse to talk. In the rare occasions teachers proposed group works, she was always the last option, and neither she nor her companions were happy to work together. She used to do just a part of the work herself alone, and sometimes, having the worst students in her group, she was forced to do all the work in order to keep her high grades. In the middle school she attended, a school for the sons and daughters of rich people, there was no such thing as comprehension or benevolence towards the hurt and solitary Shinkuu. Days, weeks, months and years passed, and the grieving in Shinkuu’s heart grow. Even her high school choice was taken from her by her parents, who decided that she should study to become a lawyer, without consulting the girl’s opinion. Used to such treatment, she just passively accepted her fate. She asked at least to choice which school attend, and when she declared she wanted to attend a school for ‘common people’, she found herself again against her parents. It was a hard fight, but after a couple of weeks passed to discuss, fight and ignore one to the others, her family finally accepted the deal. Surrounded by ‘common people’, Shinkuu thought she was freed by the useless luxury, arrogance, egocentrism and mockery of her previous classmates. And she was indeed. The new people she met, thought, didn’t exactly welcomed her passive, gloom and silent personality either. They didn’t laugh at her, at least in her face. She was ignored, bad mouthed in her absence, avoided. As before, she felt alone and miserable, unable to express herself, unable to make a change in her life, even unable to take an important decision of her own. The lack of strength become a curse to her, a curse without a way to break it. The girl found consolation only in books of literature and poetry, in the comics of her motherland. There were six years of internal suffering, a dark night without lights that became darker and darker, until the day she decided to make a decision by herself. The day she decided to die.

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“If they laugh at you, laugh at them harder”, uh? I guess it could be a way to respond to those who mock me. I’m already dead, so I have no use of such advice anymore. Also, it has been a long time since someone laugh at me. Usually they just ignored me, or looked at me as they were looking to something out of this world. I know my appearance is not the most shinny happy out there, but it is rude anyway to look to people like that. But again, I wasn’t able to express myself, don’t know exactly why it was so hard just to let my voice out of my throat. It would be easier if instead of an eye I had lost my voice… Why I’m thinking such useless things right now. Perhaps because this place is so empty there is plenty of time to think about things. If this is some kind of “purgatory payback” or something like that is pretty weird. This place… I’ve never read of something like this place before. Sigh, I wonder who would be waiting for me… There is no one in my family that I know that has dead recently to find him or her in such place. Oh, perhaps grandma? Or grandpa? That would make sense. It’s been a long time since the last time I heard of them. Mother usually doesn’t talk about anything related to the past… To keep her luxurious and easygoing life she threw away her past, her parents, her own daughter… I bet that egoistic woman is happy now that her problematic daughter is out of the way. Not of my concern, not anymore. I suppose that there is no choice but move forward, now. I’m curious to see for what did I trade my past life…