Emmaline has been a stalwart success in the exorcism business for twenty-seven years; she has never failed or had an exorcism ‘go wrong’…until today. An evil spirit, after having been exorcised, normally does not cry. And yet:

“I’m sorry,” the evil spirit wails, “I’m so sorry!”

Emmaline the Exorcist and Penny the Possessed awkwardly stare at the malevolent menace who had been sharing Penny’s body uninvited for approximately three months. The spirit, a sort of glowing energy, sobs in the middle of the room. Penny, rather frazzled and pale (and covered in her own vomit, which consists of the Vichyssoise they had eaten last night), reaches out hesitantly.

“It’s okay?” Penny says, as she pats a being of energy and malice on its non-existent shoulder.

“Please forgive me!”

“You’re forgiven?”

Penny and Emmaline share a look of bafflement.

“I’m so sorry for making you climb the ceiling, and jump into the fountain with clothes on, and finger paint on the mirror with ketchup sauce.”

“What were you writing anyway?” Emmaline asks, curious, “Some sort of glyph?”

“Oh, no, I was trying to tell Penny not to eat the Vichyssoise Soup. I’m allergic to leek.”

Emmaline had no idea that spirits could have food sensitivities. In fact, she’s never even had a conversation with a spirit beyond ‘Be gone!’ and ‘Curse you exorcist! Curse you!’.

“Right,” she says, trying to get things Back on Track, “apology accepted. Now, be on your way.”

“But I don’t have anywhere to go!”

“Surely you do. All spirits do. It’s a destination called On. You can’t miss it.”

“On?”

“Yes, you know, where you move On.”

The spirit bursts out into (metaphorical) tears again, “I’m such a terrible spirit! I didn’t mean to die, I didn’t mean to get stuck in Penny, and I have no idea where On is.”

“I could try banishing it again,” Emmaline says to Penny.

Penny the formally possessed is very kind and very fretful, so of course she says, “Well she, or he, or I mean, they? Seem sorry and in distress, so why take things further?”

“I don’t know what else to do,” Emmaline confesses.

“Can’t I just…stay here? I quite liked Penny’s body. Not that I would stay there again, that’s a bit rude seeing as how I hadn’t asked, I just mean, I wouldn’t take up much space, maybe a cupboard or something. Penny is nice, her cats are lovely, and her book collection is really quite marvelous.”

“Oh, thank you,” Penny says, bashful.

Emmaline throws her hands up and walks out, as she is not a matchmaker and is not paid enough for this. As she closes the front door behind her, spirit and formerly possessed make plans for the rest of their lives.

“Terribly sorry about the bother.”

“Oh, it’s no bother. Truthfully, it was a little fun. I’ve never done anything exciting like dance in a fountain before.”

“Maybe we should make a list of exciting things to do.”

“What a wonderful idea!”

Perhaps, Emmaline thinks with a small smile on her face, this one didn’t go Wrong so much as Very, Very, Right.

(Still not a matchmaker, though).