"You okay?" Rey asks.

I wish people would stop asking me that.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's just get this show on the road." I force a smile for her.

I could really use a drink right about now.

We get to the race track and Rey turns her car off. I step out and stretch. There is this lingering smell of burnt rubber and gasoline in the air. The ground is all gravely and the track is surrounded by bleachers and a larger fence.

"Come on, you'll love this." Rey smiles at me.

I follow her to the entrance.

She unlocks a gate and walks in. Then she leads me over to some garage where a car is waiting. I am not sure what a standard race car looks like, but my guess is this one was it.

"My uncle needs me to take her for some test spins. He says she's fast, but you know you can't really tell until someone else test the car too. See if you get the same results. After all, he's biased, he built it."

"Wow, I'm impressed. Are you and your uncle close?" I turn to her.

"On a good day," she shrugs and walks over to the car.

"On a bad day?" I push.

"He's pretty strict, I think he just wants to push me to be as good as he is. He can dish out some tough love sometimes. I think he sees me more as a member of his pit crew than as his actual niece. Not that I blame him, when we lived in Cali, my mom would hardly ever let me come see him. She was afraid he would rub off on me. Now we live here and I can see him as much as I want." She smiles.

"Sounds complicated. So you want to be a racer huh? Well, show me what you got."

"Careful what you wish for, you might have a heart attack, old woman." She teases.

"You ass." I laugh.

She has to crawl into the car window and helps me do the same to get into the passenger seat. There is a large metal frame that divides us. Lots of gears and buttons and nobs which I have no clue what they do. Reyna flips a switch and starts the car. It rumbles to life. It's so strong that my whole insides vibrate with it.

"Safety first." Rey hands me a helmet which looks like a motorcycle helmet.

I frown at it but slip it on. She has one for herself.

I watch her put the car into gear and pull out onto the track.

"You ready?" she looks at me.

"You are making me nervous." I laugh.

She laughs before punching it into gear and taking off. The car lurches forward so strong my body goes with it, luckily I have a seat belt on. I watch her shift gears multiple times, we are going so fast my insides tickle. I am caught between a feeling of perpetual anxiety and fear, to extreme excitement and maybe even some type of orgasmic pleasure.

She is focused now, her eyes never leaving the track. When we go around curves she changes gears and then changes back when we are on a straight path. I can't help but squeal like some teenage girl and laugh at how fast we are going. My heart is racing and my blood is pumping. I've never felt so alive.

"Get ready, I'm gonna push it!" Rey shouts over the roaring of the engine.

Before I can ask what she means her foot goes down harder on the pedal and she shifts gears once more. I watch her hit a button and then boom we go even faster! My ears pop and ring by how loud the engine is. She has both hands on the wheel and I watch her approach a curve in the track. She moves the shifter and takes her foot off the pedal, we drift over the track bend and back into a straight line.

I swear I thought my lunch was going to make a reappearance and that my heart was going to explode inside of me.

She begins to slow down and we finally come to a stop back in front of the garage.

"So what did you think?" she pulls her helmet off.

"What did I think? That was fucking awesome! I've never had a thrill quite like that one. Fuck I am so turned on right now." I laugh.

She laughs too.

Then she parks the car back into the garage before turning it off. We both get out and I take the clunky helmet off. My whole body is alive with a rush of adrenaline. I've never had a high quite like this one but I think I love it.

Someone clapping draws our attention.

"Uncle?" Rey says to a man who comes down from the bleachers and over to us.

"Wow, you were a natural out there," he says to Rey.

"You really think so!?" Rey's eyes light up in admiration.

"Reminded me of myself when I was your age. You could have what it takes to carry on the family legacy." He says.

"Really!" her voice rises two octaves and she quickly scurries over to her uncle.

He is short like her, but not too short. Very rough looking and hard almost menacing features. His hands look hard and callused, his nails down to the nub. He has on some jeans and a t-shirt. a black leather belt holds his pants in place. He's thin, just like Reyna, and if I look close enough I can see the family resemblance.

"After what I just saw, I think you got what it takes kid. Maybe you and I could practice some more sometime. I'd love to show you how it's done." He teases her.

"Yeah, i- I mean I would love that."

"Great, why don't you come here on the weekends and I'll start training you."

"Awesome, you won't regret it, I swear!" she says in excitement.

I feel my own excitement slowly die away. So much for running away together. No way she can leave now, her dream is about to come true. That wouldn't be fair of me. I sigh and kick at the ground. Well, there goes that plan, now what?

I still don't want to be here, I still want to run away from this shit hole. Sigh.

Reyna and her uncle talk for a little bit longer before Rey runs over to me. She is all giddy and happy, I smile for her. We walk back to her car and I think she finally lets it click. Because when she looks at me again her excitement is gone.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You're going to be a badass racer one day. You can't pass that up." I assure her.

"Yeah but..."

"It was a dumb plan anyway." I stare out the window.

"Yeah, no way you would have actually gone through with it." she laughs.

"Yeah, no way." I force a laugh.

We drive back home and I just feel so lost. So torn and unsure of where I want to go next, but I know there is one thing I have to do before things get too complicated. So when we walk up to my apartment I take a deep breath and I turn to Rey.

"Rey, I want to break up with you," I say.

"What? Why?" she is taken back.

"It's not you, it's me. I know that's so cliché but it's true. You are perfect and amazing and I honestly don't deserve you, but I just... I am not myself right now. I need time to find myself again. I need time to put my life back together. I am so happy for you, but if you stay with me I know I will only drag you down with me. You... you are going places kid. I'm not. You need to graduate high school and become this badass racer. Your family will come around to you I know they will. They are just scared that they are losing the awesome girl they've known all their lives and if I let you stay here with me I'd be holding you back from being who you are. I'd be tieing you down to this train wreck. I can't do that. I can't live with myself if I did that to you. Seeing you all happy like that just made me realize that I am not happy. I want that excitement that you had; I want that drive again. I want my soul back, do understand?"

She nods with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry I dragged you around, but I am glad I got to experience all this with you. I'm glad I met you. for a moment there, I thought I might actually be falling in love again, but I was just fooling myself. I'll still be your friend you can still talk to me whenever you want, maybe even come over too. Plus I'll still be your teacher, we will get to see each other every morning. So this is not goodbye forever. We will see each other again. It's just our lives are going in two opposite directions, I need to get back in control of mine or else I'll crash into the ground. This is just something I have to do, for myself, but also for you."

"Okay, I understand. Do you think maybe once you are ready you and I could give this another chance?'

"No. You and I aren't meant for each other. If you wait for me, you'd be waiting forever. Who knows how long it's going to take me to get my life together this time? it's a never-ending cycle with me, we'd just find ourselves back here eventually. I am below your level, I am not worthy to be with you. you need someone who can love you as much as you love them. That person will never be me. Don't wait for me Rey, I want you to be happy. To find someone who makes you happy."

She takes a shaky breath and wipes her tears.

Then I watch her gather her things and leave.

It hurts me, but I know I did the right thing. Where I am going, I don't want her to follow.