*Trigger Warning* Mentions of suicide and self-hate. 

I awake to find myself in a sheltering cave, not like the one Berry and Chippy live in, but a homely one nevertheless. I whimper as I feel the pain again and am reminded of what had just occurred. The searing pain is bad, but the aching in my chest from missing Nightfang seemed to make this physical pain pale in comparison. I suppose that might seem completely farfetched and ridiculous, but I have gotten into terrible scraps before, so the pain was at least familiar, but the pain of loneliness and heartache is a first for me. I hadn’t harbored such feelings before, so I’m unaccustomed to them.

As I move a bit, I realize that perhaps I am exaggerating the pain of heartache a bit as the searing pain makes me want to weep. I grunt and growl as I feel uncomfortable and dizzy from the pain the man’s booming device wounded me with.

“Snowheart.” I hear the voice of Nightfang bringing me back to reality. He nuzzles me passionately and licks me before whining softly as he sits beside me. “What were you thinking?!” He asks me frantically. His eyes are filled with worry and fear. Although it might sound selfish, I am happy he is worried for me.

“They were going to hurt you…” I say softly. “I didn’t want them to hurt you…You swore to protect me, but that isn’t right. We are a team, we protect one another. No life is more precious or less precious than the other…”

“You…” He says before he nuzzles me again. Ash suddenly hops towards me.

“The bullet is out of your body, my boy.” Ash says as he picks up a grey object from the ground and puts it in front of me. “You’re lucky, the wound isn’t as bad as it looks. Take it easy, my boy.” I move only slightly and the pain is almost unbearable. I grunt and growl again before lying down carefully and whine as the pain slowly subsides. “My goodness, you truly are courageous.” Ash says as he hops to my side. “You attacked those humans without any regard for your own safety.”

Courageous? Idiotic seems to be more accurate. I could have been killed. I am lucky I am still alive...but I suppose I would have rather it been me than Nightfang if I had to choose. 

“They were aiming for Nightfang and Howlingwind. I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.” I say as I sigh. Nightfang licks my wound softly. It stings but it is a bit soothing. I whimper a bit before he begins nuzzling against me gently.

“So, this is the wolf you were talking to me about?” I hear an unfamiliar voice say.

“This is Snowheart.” Nightfang introduces me. “Snowheart, this is Howlingwind.”

“I wish we could have met under better circumstances. I am sorry for what you’re going through at the moment.” Howlingwind says. Nightfang was right in his description of his love interest. He is strikingly beautiful with his array of colored coat, black, browns, and whites, and dazzling green eyes. His tail is possibly the bushiest I have seen. He is a rather looming presence, strong and intimidating. His voice, by comparison is a bit softer than his outward appearance, smooth and melodic. I find myself feeling a pit in my stomach as I realize, perhaps I am not at all as handsome and adept like Howlingwind, and therefore, unfit to be the one beside Nightfang.

"You know, Nightfang has told me quite a bit about you, Snowheart." Howlingwind mentions. Nightfang quickly tries to quiet his friend frantically, probably because he is embarrassed. "All good things, I assure you." He seems to be giving me a knowing smile as he looks at Nightfang who does not certainly like to be teased for one who loves teasing others. 

"He must have gloated extensively about how he saved me from the forest fire that happened a few days ago." I say as I rolled my eyes. 

"Oh?" Howlingwind says curiously. "He told me that you saved him..." I look over to Nightfang and give him a curious look. Howlingwind looks to both of us back and forth and coughs nervously. "I suppose you two should discuss that later..." He says before Ash frantically flaps his feathers to distract everyone. 

“Yes, well! You know, this boy has been through a lot. From being scolded by a cunning red, to being hunted by betas from the Fang pack, and then withstanding a bullet wound! My goodness, boy, you truly have terrible luck.” Ash says as he shakes his head in disbelief.

“Wait, what?” Nightfang says as he looks at me sternly. “You encountered wolves from my pack?”

“Yes.” I say as I look to Ash with a grimace.

“Oh my, I shouldn’t have said a word. My apologies, dear boy.” Ash says as he looks away from me out of embarrassment.

“Three beta wolves. They were completely barbaric—no offense.” I say.

“None taken. They are not the kindest. They’re a bit of…”

“Unruly ruffians!” Ash exclaims. “They chased me down for quite some time not long ago. They were merely playing games with me, the weasels. The biggest of them, that Wildclaw took feathers from my buttock!” He turns his body around and shows me where he is missing plumage on his rump. “The scoundrel. What an awful beast.”

“Well, I escaped, thankfully. I’m not sure why they were chasing me…” I say as I remember the way their eyes looked at me with such irritation and mischief, not the kind of mischief I attribute with Nightfang, a darker mischief.

“They don’t take kindly to strangers in ‘their’ territory. They believe the world belongs to them. Poppycock.” Ash explains.

“They don’t kill other wolves, they just…” Nightfang turns his head and sighs. “Ruff them up a bit.”

“I’m thinking that I truly escaped a horrible fate.” I say before Nightfang nods and presses his face close to mine and nuzzles me affectionately.

“I’m just glad you’re alright.” He says softly. This is not the same wolf who had an outburst at me only a few days ago. He is kind and welcoming. Perhaps, Howlingwind has already told him of his mate and he is clinging to me for comfort. I do not like the idea of myself as the option that Nightfang falls back on after getting rejected. I sigh as I accept his affections, but feel the need to speak with him later. My anxieties will not resolve themselves without having a proper conversation with him.

“Why didn’t you mention to me that you have a brother?” I ask him as I try to make myself as comfortable I can. Nightfang looks at me with an expression of shame and sighs as he sits next to me.

“Roguefang and I have a complicated relationship. He’s my older brother who was the one my father chose to lead the pack as the alpha. He is…” Nightfang pauses.

“Irresponsible.” Ash interjects. “He has no control over the pack or their brutish actions. The alpha himself has a much more acceptable temperament and personality than many of its members.”

“Ash, can you just let me tell him?” Nightfang says icily.

“Oh…very well…my apologies.” Ash says before sitting on a perch of rocks beside me.

“My brother is a softhearted wolf. He doesn’t have much power or leadership skills. He is older than me, but he is clumsy and a bit…weak…” Nightfang sighs. “The ones that followed you, do you remember what they looked like?”

“Please don’t start fights.” I say as I turn my head. “Look, I’m fine. They didn’t do anything to me. They just chased after me.”

“Like a pack of wild animals.” Ash interjects, again. We both look at Ash with a look of exhaustion and irritation.

“They are a pack of wild animals, Ash.” Nightfang says flatly.

“Precisely. You know, among us there are actually civilized animals that just so happen to be from the wilderness.”

“You mean domestics?” Nightfang says bitterly.

“Oh, heavens no! We don’t speak of them.” Ash says.

“You’ve met domestics?” I ask curiously.

“Yeah, once or twice.” Nightfang says simply. “They didn’t take too kindly to me. They asked about where my collar was, where my owner was.” Nightfang sighs. “They told me I didn’t belong, told me to get the hell out of their city, told me I was a monster.” There's a silence that engulfs the cave for a few moments before Ash and Nightfang both shudder in discontent. “Enough about that. We’ll let you rest.”

“Right, you better take it easy. Nightfang here will take good care of you. And I will be back to make sure he makes good on that promise.” Ash says before spreading his wings and heading off into the sky. I watch as he leaves and hope to see him again. He is fairly nosy and talks a lot, but he is a true friend to be at someone’s side when they need a companion the most.

“Nightfang.” Howlingwind calls. “I have to leave now, but you two take care, okay?” Howlingwind says with a smile before turning towards the fields. Nightfang tells him to travel safely and gives him congratulations before saying goodbye. “It was nice to meet you, Snowheart.” Howlingwind says before he runs off into the wilderness. Nightfang turns towards me after saying goodbye to Howlingwind.

“I thought you’d never want to speak to me again.” I say abruptly. Nightfang sits next to me and sighs.

“I was really upset…but Howlingwind gave me some advice.” Nightfang says softly.

“He told you the news?”

“Yes, that too. I’m happy for him. He’s really in love with Flowerbell.” Nightfang says as he looks at me. “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“No, you had every right to. I haven’t been kind to you. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. No one does.” I admit softly. “I could say sorry countless of times, but my words mean nothing if I cannot improve my actions and my personality.” I nuzzle him a bit and smile. “I will try my best to be better.” Nightfang smiles back at me and nuzzles his face against mine so lovingly. We seem to be on better terms, but my feelings for him are fogging my judgement. I love him, but it seems too soon. I barely know him. How do I know if this is truly the wolf I want to be mates with?

"Nightfang, can you tell me what Howlingwind meant about you being saved by me?" I ask suddenly as I remember that we needed to discuss it further. It has been bothering me since it was mentioned. Nightfang looks at me and his expression fades from a soft smile to a somber look. He sighs and mutters about that he knew this day would come. 

"I wasn't in that fire by accident..." He begins. 

"What do you mean?" I ask as he sighs again and ruffles his fur and truly wishes not to tell me the rest. "Please, Nightfang, I wish to know what you mean. It is a cause for concern since you look so disheartened by the memory. What did I save you from exactly?" 

"Myself..." He answers solemnly. His answer shocks me to my core and I am frightened to ask for a further explanation. I am quite sure I am assuming what he means correctly. "I wasn't in my right mind that day...I had noticed the fire and sought it out. I was walking through it while others were running." He pauses and whimpers a bit. "It was stupid, I know." 

"Why would you think of doing such a thing, Nightfang?" 

"Heartache...self-hatred...frustration..." He pauses again. "I don't know...just a lot of things running through my head. I know none of them justify it, but I was just tired...Tired of heartache, tired of feeling like I didn't belong, tired of being lonely..."

"I'm sorry you've felt like that, Nightfang. I am sorry I have not been kinder to you..." He nuzzles me a bit and smiles weakly.

"You saved me, Snowheart." He says with a brighter smile. "When I saw you in that fire, struggling to escape, I knew that I couldn't just do what I was thinking of going through when someone needed me. When we met, I know we didn't hit it off all that much--not at all actually--but it didn't matter to me. I felt like fate brought us together. You were meant to save me just as much as I was meant to save you." I press my head against him firmly and whimper as I nuzzle and apologize to him as many times as I have hurt him.  

“You’ve changed quite a bit since I met you.” Nightfang says shyly as we embrace and give one another affection. He nuzzles and licks my head softly, as I lift my nose up to him and brush it against his muzzle. “You seemed so stern and narrowminded when we met, but now, you seem to be changing.”

“If so…it’s because of you.” I say softly as I listen to the rhythm of his heart beating. The sound echoing in my ears and aching my own heart as I realize I might not have been able to share this moment at all if it had not been for Nightfang relinquishing his thoughts of dying in that fire. I would not be alive; he would not have been either. We both are alive because of each other.