The sun was long gone beyond the horizon by the time Kleo was able to retreat to his room. The letter from his mom had figuratively burned a hole in his pocket and until now, he couldn’t find a moment to even look at it. He sat at his desk and turned on a lamp as he fished it out. It was folded twice with his name written across the front. There was a lump forming in the back of his throat and his leg began to shake. He didn’t know why he was so anxious but his anticipation was starting to get to him. He carefully unfolded the letter and began to read what it said.

My sweet, darling boy,

I’m sorry to have left you so soon. As I’m writing this, you’ve gone to your friend’s house for the night. I have seen what is to come of me, and I want you to know that it is no one’s fault. There are things in this world that we simply cannot change and I have had to accept that. I’ve seen how my absence will change you and cause doubt to form within your heart. I wish there was a spell to take away all of the pain you will feel. Hurting you is something I’d never wish to do, and though this will hurt you the most, it is something that I won’t be able to change. So instead, I cherish these days with you, and selfishly, I don’t want them to come to an end. Raising you has been the greatest gift of my life, and I’ll forever hold your smile within my heart. There are people within this world, that I hope you’ll never have to meet, but I know as the end of my days near, it is unlikely that I will be able to protect you forever. You are stronger than you think and you have the largest heart that I have ever seen.

Your magic is a gift and I know you will come to use it well. I have seen the good that you will do and know that I am beyond proud of you. I have set aside what I could to help you after I’m gone and hope that it allows you to at least live comfortably. I will leave you my workspace, beneath the Apothecary. Its door is hidden behind the Northeast wall. I will urge you to always follow your heart, no matter where or to who it leads you, and believe in yourself just as I always will.

With all of my heart,

Arina

Tears welled up in his eyes and began to flow down his cheeks as he read her words. He brought a hand up to his face, wiping them away with a jagged sigh. He hated how it felt to cry. He hated the way emotion built up inside of him, too powerful for him to contain. If you asked, he’d tell you that he felt too much and would probably be better off if he only felt half of it all. He sat there, slumped into his hands as he let it all wash over him. He had to let it out or the emotion would be trapped between his ribs and he didn’t want that. He remembered the day clearly and knew it was something he’d never forget.

It was the middle of summer and Kleo had asked if he could stay over at Alexei’s that night. His family had just returned from a vacation and he missed his friend. His mother smiled and told him yes as she always did, but hugged him tightly. She held onto Kleo, and Kleo was none the wiser. She told him she loved him, many times before he left that afternoon and Kleo thought nothing of it. For countless days and nights, Kleo wished he had thought differently that day and wished that he had decided to stay home. He didn’t know what difference it would make or, after reading her letter, if she would have even allowed him to stay that night. She knew what was going to happen, and he hadn’t the slightest idea.

He really wished he had someone to talk to about all of this, but in all his life, Kleo didn’t think he’d ever felt so alone. He wanted to go to Alexei but he didn’t know how to even begin to tell him about any of this. He alone was having a hard time wrapping it around his head and he didn’t know what Alexei would think. Yes, he trusted him more than anyone, even more than Sean, but this was something so out of it, so different, that he actually felt scared. As if reading his mind, he felt Nox brush against his legs. He didn’t have to say anything for Kleo to understand. He had him, at the very least.

It took Kleo a minute, but eventually, he did calm down and show Nox the letter. The cat hopped onto his desk to give it a look and hummed softly.

“Some witches are known to have the ability to glimpse into the future, so this is understandable,” he explained. “I personally don’t know too much about it, but I’ve heard it can happen in different ways whether it be through a looking glass or with the use of dreams…” His sentence tapered off as he seemed to give more thought on the topic.

Kleo’s mind immediately went to his nightmares. He hadn’t had one the night before and honestly, could go without having them again. Part of him wondered if those could mean anything and voiced that concern.

“It very well could, but right now with your lack of control, I don’t think there’s any way to really tell. However, if you have any more, do let me know."

Kleo nodded and he leaned back in his chair. He was emotionally drained, that’s for sure, and it left him exhausted.

“We should check out this workspace she spoke about. I would think that she must have kept some important things there that could be helpful to you and learning your powers. At the very least, her grimoire could be there and that would be of great value.”

Kleo knew that Nox was right, but he really didn’t want to do anything at that moment, let alone go explore some secret, magical workspace. A part of him was curious, that’s for sure, but a lot of him was also just so spent from what he found out in that letter.

Kleo sighed as he stood up, figuring it would be best to try and get it out of the way now. “Alright, let's go check it out.”

The two of them quietly went down to the closed Apothecary and Kleo turned on one set of lights. He didn’t want to make too much noise, just in case they woke up Alexei. He took out the compass on his phone, just to be sure, before walking around to what should have been the northeast wall. It was lined with bookshelves and crossed his arm as he thought of how he would even begin to get it open.

“You’ll need to use your powers to will it open,” Nox spoke from the ground at his feet.

“Yeah, I figured,” Kleo said. He just didn’t think he had it in him to do it just yet and he didn’t know if he honestly wanted to. He held out a hand before him and took a breath. He tried to think back to the feeling he had that morning in the kitchen. He felt the warmth in his chest and the center bookcase began to rumble and shift before it just… stopped. Confused, Kleo tried again, the warmth coming back to his chest but quickly fizzing out. He was about to try for a third time but he didn’t even get a flicker of anything inside of him. This wasn’t going to happen tonight. He let a breath out through his nose and drew his lips into a thin line. He didn’t want to deal with this right now. He couldn’t get that night out of his head and images of fire and sirens and tears filled his mind. His heart was raging a battle against his ribs and his stomach formed knots. He felt like he was going to be sick as tears began to form behind his eyes again but he didn’t want to let them out right then. The emotion continued to build and it felt like the air was trapped within his lungs. He let out a breath when he felt a press against his leg.

“It’s alright,” Nox quickly assured him. His voice was softer as if he was trying to soothe him. “You’ve had a long day. Plus, you’ve only just got your powers. We can practice more and try again some other time.”

All Kleo could do was nod in response. He was exhausted and spent, and really just wanted to be in bed at that moment. So much had happened and the day alone felt like it took years off of his life. Kleo was truly overwhelmed. So, he agreed without another word and made his way upstairs to his room with the hope that a night's sleep would at least ease the heaviness in his chest.

Unfortunately, though, sleep did not appear to be on his side that night or any of the ones that followed. Kleo spent the next two weeks feeling as if he was a robot simply going through the motions. He did his best to make sure he appeared alright, but as each day passed, he began to feel like it just wasn’t worth it. He could barely use his powers, let alone open the passage to his mother’s workspace. Anytime he tried to do anything with them, even something as simple as flipping a switch, he couldn’t muster enough power to get it done. He’d feel the warm buzz within his chest for maybe a second before it would go away. He knew his powers were still there, but for some reason, he couldn’t tap into them. It left him with an empty feeling inside his heart that he couldn’t quite shake off.

He knew Nox could tell that something was up and was being considerably gentle with him in comparison to how he was that morning in the kitchen. Kleo wished he were a better witch for him. It must have been frustrating to deal with someone who couldn’t even grasp their own abilities and struggled to perform even the most basic of tasks.

Kleo knew the thoughts that plagued him weren’t necessarily true, but he couldn’t yet find a way out of his own head. He wanted to talk to someone about what was going on. He wanted to talk to Alexei, but he didn’t know how or if he even could. He had asked Nox about it before, whether he could tell someone about his powers, and he was told it all depended on trust. Of course, Kleo trusted Alexei. So why couldn’t he figure out how to tell him?

He laid awake in bed, tossing and turning as he tried to block out the images within his mind. It didn’t happen often, but there were times where the memory of the fire would play behind his eyes. It happened more often in the years that directly followed that night, but as he had grown and learned to cope, the occurrence dwindled to nearly nonexistent. Kleo knew that he had a stressful day and he knew that all that had happened, his mother’s letter included, definitely contributed to this. He took out his phone, squinting as he quickly dimmed the brightness to as low as it could go. He opened the message strand to Alexei but hesitated. He felt kind of bad for texting him so late, even though he knew he probably wouldn’t mind. This wouldn’t have been the first time he’d reach out in the middle of the night because of his inability to sleep, but Kleo couldn’t tell him exactly everything that was on his mind. He set the phone down and stared up at the ceiling.

Maybe he wished he never had these powers.

He pulled his phone back, turning the screen back on.

What would people think?

He opened up his messages.

What would Alexei think?

He paused, his finger hovering over the keyboard as he tried to figure out what he would even say.

K: Are you awake?

He waited for a response, irrational regret already starting to form in his mind. He welcomed the small wave of relief that washed over him when he saw the typing bubble appear on the screen.

A: Yeah. Can’t sleep?

K: Not really.

A: I’ll head up.

It wasn’t long before he heard Alexei’s footsteps climb the stairs. He moved over in the full-size bed to make room for him, careful of Nox who was seemingly still asleep near his feet. Kleo laid on his side as Alexei joined him. His hair was pulled back and his face was free of the large circular frames that he usually wore.

The two of them laid there in silence before Alexei spoke up, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s just,” He paused as he tried to figure out what to say and how to say it.

“Is it your mom?” Alexei asked softly, almost hesitantly and Kleo met his eyes. “It’s just, I thought maybe the photo could have dug some stuff up.” Alexei further explained and Kleo felt thankful for not having to figure out how to word his problems. He nodded his head and a sigh escaped his lips. The bed shifted as Alexei moved closer and placed an arm around him. Kleo closed his eyes as Alexei’s hand gently rubbed his back.

 As he drifted into sleep, a part of him realized that what scared him most when it came to telling Alexei, was the possibility of ruining this.