POV: Rebel Reid

“Then I looked her right in the face and I said, I’m gay. Just like that.” Dillion gloats.

We are sitting in my room as she paints her nails with my only bottle of pink polish which I only have because it came in a set of three, I bought it at the drug store. I only bought the set for the purple polish I always use. It’s that only true purple color I like.

“How did it feel?” I ask.

I am laying on my stomach on my bed with my legs kicking in the air. Dillion is sitting on my dresser with her legs crossed. I grab the purple polish and inspect my own nails. It’s almost noon. So far we’ve spent our morning just doing the weirdest things.

For starters, after breakfast, Dillion came back in here and started reorganizing my entire room. Apparently, she is a neat freak. Or she has OCD or something. The girl took everything out my dresser and closet and reorganized by color, fabric, and as she put it, hideous to should wear out more often. She folded my clothes properly, which she showed me how to do. Then she rearranged my whole closet. Shoes, shirts, the whole nine yards.

Then she started cleaning the rest of my room. She found my Cd collection, made fun of me about it, then rearranged it to be in alphabetical order by band. She found my bin of cheap nail polish and then threw away almost all of it because it was expired, she gave me a lecture me on make-up and self-care products having an expiration date for a reason. She proceeded to tell me a story about this science article she read once. Then after we argued about wasting money and throwing away perfectly good nail polish and make-up because once she brought up the make-up she went through all of mine and started throwing away that as well. She won the argument and now most of everything I used daily is in the trash. Sadly.

She started going through the none expired polish and judged every color, giving her opinion on what kind of person I am based on all the colors I have. Then she got sidetracked after calling me dark and a wanna be brute, by my one bottle of pink polish. Finally, I was able to get her to change the subject off of me and on to her, asking her why she wears pink all the time.

And I quote,

“Pink is the best color duh. Think about it, it’s bright and vibrant but not too bright like yellow. There is a sort of innocence to it. But in reality, it’s just white stained with red. When you think about it like that it gives the color a whole new dimension. It’s almost like it shouldn’t exist. That the whole color was just a mistake. Like white sheets tainted with blood. It changed the whole meaning. What was once innocent now has a sort of wrong feeling to it. Like the color only exist to defy the norm and remind everyone of their past mistakes. Once it’s mixed it can never be unmixed. It’s like white and red both have distinct meanings, white is purity and innocence. Red in like this deep color. Represents deep emotions, be it anger, love, or lust. So you take deepness and mix it with purity and you get pink. Thus, why pink is the best color.”

I didn’t want to tell her that I understood none of that and have her go into another color-related tangent. So I told her to tell me about what it was like to come out, the none bad parts. Which brings us back to our current situation.

“It felt fucking great until she pushed me into the curio. Then it fucking sucked. I don’t know it’s like now that everyone knows I just feel liberated in a way. Like a whole new me. Is that weird? How was it like for you?” she glances up from her nails.

“Well, my experience is very unique and hardly the norm. I was in and out of foster homes until I was 5. Then my moms came in and wanted to adopt me. They had been battling with the adoption agency for years apparently because the agency wouldn’t let them adopt a newborn being as they are a gay couple and all. Really dumb how gay couples get discriminated against when it comes to the childcare system but that’s another story. Finally, they gave up trying for a newborn and adopted me. Only because I was the only girl in the foster home that didn’t really fit in with the others. I guess you could say I was an oddball in a house of oddballs. Anyways they raised me as their own, we instantly clicked. I never even knew it was seen as bad to be gay or taboo or anything. One day they asked me if I liked boys or girls and I said I wasn’t sure. They told me it was no big deal that whatever I chose they would support me. So I thought about it and came out to them and told them I liked girls. They told me that I might grow out of it that some girls only experiment. But on my 18th birthday, I got that tattoo on my back as a way to prove to them that it wasn’t a phase. They were so proud of me. I mean coming out to my parents was easy. Not like you.”

She sighed and set the polish down.

“Coming out to my friends is a different story though.” I sat up and opened the purple polish.

“Yeah? Tell me.” she hopped off the dresser and sat next to me.

“Well, I was always afraid that if I told them they would make fun of me. Really dumb now that I think about it, but it was because of you.”

“Me?” she raised her perfectly trimmed blond brow.

“Well yeah, okay remember middle school. Dustin Landor?”

“Who?”

“I think you called him tinker bell.”

“Oh! The fairy boy.” She snickers.

“Yeah… Anyways before Dustin came out as Trans in high school and changed his name to Renessa Landor, you used to make fun of him. You saw that he dressed more feminine, that he liked to wear make-up. He always played it off as if he was just that weird theater kid, but come on everyone knew he was gay. You were like this predator on the hunt for any little thing to destroy him. Like some great white shark, you would come out of nowhere and just destroy everything without even trying. You made all Renessa’s friends turn against her. She became the laughing stock of the whole school and for what? Just because she was a girl and you thought it was weird? Suddenly being gay or trans or anything in that field became a no-no in our area. Suddenly people weren’t cool with it anymore. you made the environment toxic. Before you I didn’t think being a lesbian was something to be ashamed of. I grew up with it as the norm and after you, after I watched you destroy Renessa, I got scared. I thought about what I would feel like if my friends turned on me. So I didn’t tell them.”

“Oh.” She averts her eyes back to her nails.

“If it wasn’t for Scooter, I don’t think I would have ever told them. He was brave enough. He stood up against you and your band of sharks. He came out to me and Birdie as gay and he was proud of that. He is the one that gave me the confidence to finally come out too. You destroyed him, you and Clover, but he got back up, he didn’t let you make him feel ashamed of himself. I was so proud of him, I wanted to be like him. So I brought Birdie and Scooter over to my house introduced them to my mom’s and told them I was a lesbian. And you know what, they were proud of me too.” I smiled at the memory.

“I guess I really was a monster.” She reflects out loud.

“You were awful, I despised you for how you treated people. That’s why I wanted to take you down so that people wouldn’t have to feel ashamed to be themselves anymore. I didn’t know that you were only doing it because you were ashamed and scared to come out yourself.”

“It made me feel better.” She whimpered.

I watch her close the polish up and swallow a lump in her throat.

“I liked watching people suffer. It made me feel better, I tricked myself. I thought that my life couldn’t be that bad if everyone else’s lives were worse. I made excuses in my head and validated my actions. It wasn’t my fault, that if they hadn’t done this one thing then I would never have been able to hurt them. I blamed them all for not being perfect. They weren’t perfect and I was, yet I was the one miserable. They all had friends and laughed and even though they messed up, people would always accept them back in eventually. I was just so mad at the world. I wanted everyone to feel as miserable as me. I didn’t even realize what I had become until you came along. Then when I got taken down I realized that unlike me they didn’t have to validate the reason for taking me down. Because I did deserve it. I deserved every last second of it, and I could see the satisfaction in their eyes. The same satisfaction that I get. I never knew it felt so awful to be treated like that. I just thought they deserved it and so I treated them as they deserved to be treated. I guess I got a taste of my own medicine.”

“But now you see right? Now you know, and you’ll never do it again?” I grab her hand and interlock our fingers.

“Never, I promise. I’m tired of being perfect all the time, I just want to be me.” tears streamed down her face.

“Hey Dillion, guess what?”

“What?” she sniffled.

“I’m proud of you.” I smiled.

More tears seeped out of her eyes and soon she broke down crying. She flung herself at me and wrapped her arms around me. She bawled like a baby into my shirt. It made me tear up. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly. I wanted her to know that even though no one else was proud of her, I was. I’m proud that she came out, even if she was forced out. I’m proud she stood up against her parents, but most of all I’m proud she has finally seen the error of her ways.

“Why the hell did you take so long to come into my life?” She sobbed into me.

“I don’t know, but I’m here now. You and I, we are going to get through this, one step at a time. I believe in you Dillion. You’re strong and I know there is nothing you can’t do.”

She pulled back and wiped her tears.

“Thank you.” she sniffled.

“I mean it.” I moved to wipe a stray tear.

“Rebel, I don’t want us to be friends.” She said.

“What?” I felt a small sting.

“I want more.” She grabbed my face and kissed me.

I closed my eyes and kissed her back. She knocked the nail polish to the floor and pushed me down on the bed. I wrapped my arms around her neck. Her lips pressed firmly to mine over and over. Everything in me was buzzing and humming in glee. I felt something I’ve never felt before, a new feeling. It made me feel both anxious and deep warmth. I know it sounds cheesy but I swear I felt like the color pink. This deep caring feeling mixed with almost childish levels of giddiness. I felt pink.

I pushed her back softly she looked at me in confusion. I smiled and kissed her more slowly, less desperately. I wanted her to slow down and experience the same thing I was feeling. There is just something so magical about a kiss. The way it signifies two people’s deep feelings crashing together. No other experience in the world can compare to the feeling of kissing.

I opened my lips just a bit and I felt her tongue slowly slip inside as if testing the waters. Our kiss became slow and more passionate. It made my heart swell and I felt all ticklish inside. She moaned very, very softly into my mouth. I almost didn’t hear it. It was too much for me to handle I was getting really worked up.

I pulled away from her and we both struggled to catch our breath. She slowly laid down next to me, curling up into my side. We both laid in silence for a moment.

“You still think I am the big bad great white shark?” she asked.

“Great white sharks are majestic creatures. I mean have you seen shark week?”

She laughed, “I can’t believe you just said that. You really need to work on your game.” She patted my stomach.

“What I was trying to say is, yes, but not because you are mean and ferocious, but because you are majestic.”

“Hmm, better, but could still use some work.”

“I’ll work on it, maybe if you stick around long enough I’ll actually get good at this.”

“Hmm, are you saying that you want me to agree to stick around for a while?”

“Would that be the most horrible thing in the world?”

“No, not at all.” She rolled on top of me and kissed me again.

“Wow, I could get used to that,” I said breathlessly when she pulled away.

“Well you better, because I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.”

I felt all warm and tingly in my chest. I really liked the sound of that.

“Then I guess we are stuck with each other for a while.” I smiled.

“I guess so.” She leaned down and kissed me again.

Our lips began a symphony of kisses and I let my hands run up and down her back and side. She ran her hand up my shirt. I felt so happy, so amazing. All just felt right with me. I knew that even though it took us a while, Dillion and I finally found out exactly where we are supposed to be.

And where that is, is by each other’s side.

Working together, and not as enemies.