*Jesse's POV*
"I forgot about something," I stated.
"Was it important to you?" he pried.
"The only thing that stuck with me when I was younger," I whispered. Caesar became quiet. It was a thoughtful, sad silence, pressing down heavily on us. I hugged myself and stood up slowly, wincing in pain.
"Do you miss whatever it was?" I stopped and smiled. It was uncharacteristic of me and caught him by surprise. I didn't answer. "Jesse." I faced him, suddenly frowning.
"What?" I asked, sounding extremely confused.
"Are you really okay?" Caesar asked, looking at me strangely.
"I'm fine," I replied.
"Are you really, though? We've all been talking about-"
"Stop!" Caesar quieted at my exclamation and stared at the ground sadly. "I'm sorry, Caesar," I apologized gently. "I just... I can't deal with this right now," I stated as I walked away.
____________________Time Skip_____________________
There was a quiet knock at my door. Leymara peeked her blond head into my room. I looked at her silently from my bed. She looked at me curiously. "What?" I asked, my tone sharp. She winced and stilled over to the foot of my bed, perching herself on the edge. She smiled and ran her hand gently over the side of my bed. I frowned and watched her. Leymara scooted closer to me and rested her hand on my arm. I looked at her strangely, and attempted to sit up but she pushed me back down.
"You need rest," she stated. "I could give you the best kind." I shook my head. She sighed and ran her hand up my arm slowly. "Come on, Jesse." I again shook my head. "Have you been working out?" Leymara asked suddenly.
"Yes," my tone was curt, quick. Leymara pouted and looked around my room.
"You need to clean up in here," she stated suddenly. I frowned and looked around. It isn't that bad. I peeked under the bed and winced. Yeesh.
"You're right," I agreed quietly.
"Everyone! Get it here!" she yelled. My eyes widened in surprise. No! But it was too late, the crew was in my room. Caesar laughed at my misfortune, then he kneeled down in front of my bed and slowly started pulling boxes out from under there. I stared at the group of people in my room.
"Ugh..." I stood up.
"We're going to help you tidy up," Leymara explained. I frowned, but said nothing. When Caesar was done, he opened one of the boxes that had been shoved into the very back. He pulled out a notebook with a black cover and small silver stars all over. He squinted to read the fancy writing on the cover. It seemed oddly familiar, just out of the reach of my memory.
"Charlotte," Caesar read. I lunged forward, but Caesar flipped to the first page. "Dear Jessie," I stopped dead in my tracks. "This is my diary. I snuck it into your bag because I know you're probably leaving me forever. I just need to tell you: when you told me you would leave, I felt that I couldn't breath... You told me you'd be back, but I doubt even you believed that. I really wanted you to read this. With lots of love, Charlotte." I let out a strangled, sharp intake of breath.
"How could I... why?!" I exclaimed. Caesar tossed the book to me. I flipped to the second page, holding the book gently.
"1-4 years old: I was told by my mother when I was eleven that when I was first born my father didn't come to the hospital; he was in jail because of drugs. When he got out, he started abusing my mother in front of me because she was the one who told the police about the drug problem, and he blamed everything on her. Many days, I had to be left alone with my father, as my mother went to work. I always went hungry on these days and if he wasn't drinking and yelling, he was sleeping," I read.
"Kindergarten: My father at this point had filed for divorce against my mother. He left me and my mother alone while my mother was now pregnant with my little brother. My life was peaceful, aside from the lack of food as my mom made little money. She was stressed because she wasn't working. When my mother gave birth to my little brother, she started dating again. I didn't know if I could trust her new boyfriend, Jason, so I started learning how to make food like cereal and PB&J in case me and my baby brother were ever left alone with him. My mom was concerned," I continued, but my grip tightened on the book.
"2nd grade: My "new dad" was lazy and always drunk, and he got my mother pregnant with my little sister. At this point, I was stressed out myself as while my mom was at work and I had to care for my little brother because my mom's boyfriend would always go to a bar when my mom wasn't home. I tried to focus on my schoolwork to take my mind off things. Every now and then my mom made me go to my uncles who terrified me because at night he would try to molest me. Even though I didn't know it then, it still felt wrong and weird so I kicked him away and would wear long pajamas so he couldn't mess force or pull them off of me. I would've told my mother but I still didn't know exactly what molestation was or that it was happening to me," I said aloud.
"3rd grade: My mom broke up with her previous boyfriend and I now had a little brother AND sister. She yet again found another boyfriend, Brice, who had serious anger issues and had two sons of his own. My mom had developed severe depression and bipolar disorder and she often blacked out when SHE got angry. She and her boyfriend fought A LOT and I remember one time in particular when they fought and I pushed my siblings into my room and told them to cover their ears because the yelling was so loud. You could hear my mom's boyfriend slamming her into walls. At one point he pinned her against the wall, and repeatedly punched her in the eye while choking her. He rushed out of the house and I sat beside my mom sobbing and crying "mom, please don't die," and praying my siblings didn't come out of the room the room or uncovered their ears," I read.
"4th grade: My mom got ENGAGED to that guy. He made me start calling him dad. They continued to fight, he constantly cheated on her. I had stopped going to my uncle's because he wasn't treating my little siblings equally (good thing in my opinion). I was under intense stress and at this point had mild depression, social anxiety, and was bipolar. I had begun crying myself to sleep every night and cutting myself every night. I built a wall around my heart so the only thing I did when my mom and "dad" fight is cry quietly to myself and cover my sobbing little siblings ears; then at night I would cut and abuse myself while blaming myself for the fighting and wondering why my siblings have to go through this as well. I have best friend and I love him but I've forgotten how to show it properly. I constantly have suicidal thoughts but I never commit it for the sake of my siblings mindset. I'm always desperately looking for a light or some source of hope to keep me going everyday and my friend provides me with that. His name is Jesse," I read and tears sprang to my eyes as I flipped the page.
"Diary entry #1: Dear Diary, I'm so excited! Jesse invited me to live with him in his secret base. Even though he has school, he always makes time for me. I stopped hurting myself, but when I left, my step-dad got arrested for murder. He killed my mom, and my little siblings. They were so young. It's my fault they're dead. If I'd still been there... Woah, this next parts blurry. Was she crying when she wrote this?" I stopped. "Why the fuck didn't I notice?!" I felt rage towards myself and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Jesse doesn't know, but I don't want to cause him any stress. He's working so hard on his space program." I stopped again. "Fuck!" I exclaimed, slamming the book down on the table. "I can't read this right now. I- ugh!" The squad looked at me curiously, a mix of pity and astonishment written all over their faces.
"So her family was dead." Caesar picked up the book and flipped to the end. "Dear Diary, Jesse is leaving me. Just like them. He said he cared. It hurts that he'll leave me. I thought he cared about me. He's leaving. I feel so fucking angry right now. He's leaving me. It basically just repeats over and over again. It looks like she really started to hate Jesse near the end. She knew he wouldn't ever come back to her. It looks like she wouldn't want him to, even if he could," Caesar commented. I sat down on my bed and held my head in my hands.
"Why didn't I notice?! That's why she cried when I...!" I trailed off. Leymara scowled.
"We're going back to your home planet for a girl?!" she exclaimed. I frowned at her reaction. I guess she's finally showing her true colors.
"She hates me though. Maybe..." my eyes darkened and I shook my head. "No, I won't bother her. Not anymore. I'll wait... until I'm ready." The team looked at me, disappointed, and walked away, leaving me alone in my room.
A/N: Ah!!!! I can't write in guys' point of views. I don't know how they would react and I don't want to ask my guy friends about it!!! Sorry for the crappy, long chapter. I've been doing summer homework until really late and haven't had time to focus on spelling and grammar much.
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