I walked out of my math class, and my stomach, which had been in knots since I woke up that morning, had hurt so badly for the whole forty-five minutes I’d worried the lining had ripped and the acid had been dissolving my organs. Mr. Hunderbatch, my teacher, had the smallest patience I’d ever seen, and I hadn’t liked his answer when I’d asked, “Hypothetically, what if someone in here can barely do basic math?”

His too-full lips had pulled back in a sneer as he’d said, “Well, anyone who’s managed to coast their whole life won’t be able to do that in here. In college, the hard work really beings.”

I’d wanted to punch him right then. All math (even adding and subtracting) was foreign to me. I could probably learn every language known to man faster than I could divide in my head.

It wasn’t like I didn’t try when it came to math. Okay, as a child I hadn’t really cared, but once I hit middle school and high school and realized how important it was, I’d put my best foot forward. Hell, I’d even stayed after school in ninth grade for a month just to get a better grasp on algebra. Both my teacher and Karen had torn their hair out trying to get me to understand how to determine what x or y stood for in an equation, but it’d never clicked.

Maybe there was something wrong with me that prevented me from learning math, at least the conventional way. Though all my teachers had known I had a problem, none of them had bothered to tell my parents, so they could test me. Most hadn’t even suggested holding me back a grade when I’d clearly needed it. I guess they’d forged my grades, so I could move ahead with my peers, though I wished they hadn’t. Math was important, and because I could barely do it, I felt like an utter moron.

I bumped into Violet as she came out of her own math class. The last thing I wanted to deal with was her inappropriate advances, yet that didn’t stop me from smiling at her when she greeted me. Violet linked her arm with mine and steered me down the hallway toward the cafeteria.

“So, how’d it go?” she inquired.

I sighed. “I already hate Mr. Hunderbatch.”

Violet winced. “I heard he’s quite the asshole. Usually, he teaches my class, but for some reason, they moved him to the du—more beginner’s math class.”

Though Violet could and still was an ass in many ways, she’d never belittled me for the areas in which I was less intelligent than her. Sometimes, she’d been the only person cheering me on. It’d never worked, but at least I couldn’t say I hadn’t tried my hardest.

For the umpteenth time, I wished Violet hadn’t betrayed me; that I mattered to her as much as she’d made me believed I did. I needed someone like she could be when she wasn’t being a backstabbing bitch. Then I wouldn’t get so overwhelmed that I shut down to the point I feared I’d lose the ability to emote, and to confirm that that wasn’t the case I went to secret, drastic measures (I’d cut two more times since moving in with Jade at her mom’s house. Not on my arms, though. No, I’d taken to doing it on the back of my upper thigh’s).

“I’m so fucked.”

Violet shrugged. “I don’t know about that. JCC has a ton of tutoring programs.”

“Yeah.”

From experience, I knew they wouldn’t work, but I’d no doubt have to enroll in one before the fall semester ended.

We entered the slightly crowded cafeteria. We both waved at some people we’d graduated with who either couldn’t afford a pricier college (like me) or who was knocking off a few semesters before they moved on to Fredonia (like Violet planned to). Afterward, I let Violet buy me lunch.

We claimed free seats, and I dug into my mozzarella sticks. Violet picked up her white pizza but paused before taking a bite. She flashed me a small grin.

“What?” I asked, cheese dangling off my chin.

“I’ve missed dates like this.”

I nearly choked on my food. “Ex-excuse me?”

Violet laughed. “A friends’ date. Friends do it all the time.”

I sipped my Pepsi (what? There was no way I was getting through my first day of college without at least one can), though I wanted to kick her shin. Where did Violet get off saying cruel shit like that? Was she punishing me for having the ‘audacity’ to leave her after she’d done such a horrendous thing?

Yeah, I shouldn’t have stayed friends with her.