“He just...kissed you? Like that?”

I laughed at the appalled note in Karen’s voice. She sounded no different than my grandma would have if I’d explained last night to her. Almost always, Karen’s naive and conservative ideas on the discussion of relationships amused me more than they could ever irritate.

I shoved my math notebook off the coffee table. Who was I kidding? Today was a day for gossip, not homework. I repositioned myself on the couch and adjusted my cell phone.

“Well, he tried.”

“Did you correct him?”

“Oh, boy, did I.”

I heard the familiar sound of a dryer door being shut and knew Karen was doing laundry. I’d have known even if I hadn’t of had a clue given to me. Karen seemed to solely talk with me when she had clothes to wash. Why? I’d have to ask her when she came home for a visit.

“Did it get more serious than that?” Karen asked.

“Well...sort of.”

“Like you just made-out?”

“No, we, um attempted sex.”

“Attempted?”

Here I paused.

How much should I reveal? Karen would listen to me rattle on about anything, but I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Out of all my friends, Karen was the one who talked about anything too sexual the least. It’s not as if she had no clue about sex or came from a household that forbade the mention of the topic (though Mr. Holm would, without fail, clam up if a conversation drifted into that territory).

Maybe she’d have an easier time with the topic if she had experience. But Karen had yet to have her first kiss, let alone seen or touched a guy’s penis. She hadn’t dated in high school. Karen had thought all the guys were too immature. Plus, her semi-permanent scowl had scared away the few decent ones.

I needed to tell someone about last night, though. Most of my friends had gone away to college like Karen, so they had to be extremely busy. Also, I didn’t want to discuss it with them anyway (we weren’t that close). I would tell Jade, but she’d gone away for the day to visit her boyfriend Brian in prison.

Maddy wouldn’t be a bad person to open up to, yet she was at home, sick for the fourth day in a row. I could lose all respect and spill to Violet, but my self-confidence didn’t need the hit.

So, out of options, Karen it was.

“He’s huge,” I finally blurted. “Like, as big as my around as my forearm.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and when he went to—I was too small.”

“That’s impossible. I thought with enough...lube, anything could fit.”

“I wished we’d had some.”

“Weren’t you...ready to go?”

“I was, but it wasn’t enough. Justin tried to...perform regardless, but it hurt him.”

Karen snorted. “I can’t—Poor guy!”

I smiled, though last night I hadn’t found it so funny. I couldn’t believe my vagina wouldn’t accommodate him. I hadn’t been with many guys, but I used toys on a regular basis (and not tiny ones). With little hassle, Justin should have fit, even if his dick was a monster.

“What happened after that?”

“I couldn’t not take care of him.”

“So, you...?”

“My mouth got a lot of work.”

“Ew!”

“Hey, you asked.”

I could almost see Karen roll her eyes. “Lying is always acceptable. Hell, even preferable in this case.”

“You know I can’t do that to you.”

Karen sighed.

“So, how was your weekend?” I asked.

“Oh, fine.”

A heavy pitch darkened Karen’s voice, and a pang of worry made my back straighten. I’d never heard her this dejected, not even when her dad had left.

“Is college going okay?”

I mean, the full force of it wouldn’t hit her until tomorrow, but a weight had to be pushing down on her nonetheless. I bet she hardly slept at night because of the terrible stress.

“It’s not that. I—”

“Karen!” a high, chirpy voice called from what sounded from across the laundry room.

“Hi, Micki!”

I didn’t like the fake happiness Karen forced.

If it is forced, my mind whispered. You could be imagining it.

Why would I imagine it, though? I wanted Karen to meet people, to find her niche and not regret her decision to go to St. Bonaventure. What kind of friend would I be if I wished her to be lonely and miserable for four years?

Yet, if I was honest, I didn’t want her to have too much fun. Well, not if it meant she forgot about me. Or that she realized how uninteresting and unworthy of her attention I was.

“You busy?” Micki asked. “There’s lamb in the Hickey.”

“Hey, Mo, I need to go. It’s lunchtime.”

“No, it’s okay. Go eat a bowl of ice cream for me.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Or get a hold of me if more happens with Justin.”

“Any new developments?”

“Well, I’d like to know a lot less about that.”

I chuckled. “Bye.”

“Bye, Mo.”

Karen hung up, and I fell back against the couch. For a ridiculous second, tears tickled the back of my throat. I swallowed hard, then picked up the TV remote. A few episodes of Bleach would cheer me right up.