She walked down the steps tomorrow. Like any other day, until it hit her that just last night her father had returned to her life. And asked to take her back home. An offer, that she said that she simply needed a little more time before making. As well as the packing, as she had accumulated things which she would want to take with her if she ever thought about it.
He relented, letting her take some time into this to think deeply about her decision. Clear that he was confident that she was choose him; a rich scholar who could provide for her. Give her a life most girls would dream and aspire to. But she did not want it.
They came with many limitations. Not allowing them to walk around with any freedom, neither were they able to do as they wish. There were gains, influence in the court and immense wealth. Things that did not motivate her in the slightest, and the most important thing was that she did not have any wish to be. She had her own dreams, her own mind.
This just didn’t meld well with it. Life as a lady to some was one they enjoyed, even concubines were able to rise high. Even as they were subservient to the main wife by all means, but were considered equal to her husband socially. Allowed to talk between and when without a son, they were elevated to the status of one. But one with many saying that it was wrong.
Just as men could always do so easier than before. Study hard for the imperial exams and then rise high, work hard to boost their family. Even as she never thought of it as important, or even anything she paid attention to. She took a seat down, mostly with her mother. The mornings were quiet, for they were not open till the early afternoon.
Now was to add to the cleanup and set the tables. But for today, there were plenty of things which they needed to do right now. Where she saw her mother and knew full well on what was to come. The discussion.
Before, she always chose to skirt around this issue. Even as it was clear that she did not think of marriage as important for her right now. That she enjoyed her life and freedom, that she was content to be different from the other girls. Or rather, she tasted a life very much different from them.
And so were many commoner girls. Helping their mothers weave, bind or even work in the fields as well and many like her, tending to the shops of their family or mothers. It was only the scholars which dictated the strict rules for women, which they were unable to break out of. When it was here, and a family’s survival often depended on the mother as well as the father, it mattered little. Even more so for her, as she had been raised upon it differently.
She could read, but only slightly. Mostly legal documents and arithmetic to ensure that she would not be tricked. For it was where her mother ended her education as well. Enough to get by and to not get scammed, since the words rarely had few uses outside of doing such work. For it was only things that those who governed concerned themselves with, without it pursuing it had little benefit.
Even then, she preferred mostly to listen to folk tales or travelogues. Not religious scriptures or philosophical works. Those were things which she had disliked even more so, in the way that their words were treated as gospel. Even as it reflected the values of the men at the time far more than it had for any other. It was a lifestyle, and wisdom for her varied between each person.
It was not uniform amongst all of them at least at this point. And wisdom could never be taken in as something that was acceptable to them on their personal choices. There was no way to suggest that any was worse than the other, not when she valued them.
Perhaps it was the travelers who had came by, some of which gave her ideas far beyond what she was exposed to. Some of which spouted chastity as best way out for a woman. Or that her best contribution to the world was based on the sons she had. It was still far from the same here, just that they did not mention it. There were more protections with women taking the dowry as their inheritance, or in some cases had the share if they were not married.
Having turned fifteen a while back, and being recognized as an adult had made sure her mother also did the legal paperwork with this. Confirming her inheritance and share in the restaurant, free for her to sell or continue as she saw fit. No restrictions on what could have been done with it, and the full share was hers. A legal amount of money to the various employees that she had garnered and their families; many of them orphans.
For her mother reached the age where death was imminent and could happen in an instance. And thus, it was the time for her to start planning for her life after death. Even as many put it off, until they were facing their declining health. And that their days were very well numbered.
Just as her mother was the opposite, fully embracing the fact that she had lived through most of her adulthood. Inside the office, she sat on the stool that she always had done so, at least so far. Her mother was going to go deeper and explain her background.
Simply because it was unavoidable. Now that they were now here at the very least. And allowing them to think about it as it was. “He came to me earlier this month, talking to me about it. I hesitated to bring him into you life, because it would be too strange a choice.”
And that they needed it to be planned. “He approached me, for he did not know who was his daughter. Having been recently made the Magistrate of this town, after serving at various provinces.”
“So, he had a reason to not come?”
“But not a letter either, not an inquiry. And after that, it only seemed that he was no longer concerned. Until recently.” Even as it did not seem that he came here to pursue any ulterior motive. “And he mentioned bringing you back to his home.”
She couldn’t have said anything, if he was away and only came back. He did have a reason to not ask. But not when it was now. “Either way, I should tell you why he chose me out of everyone. I knew your mother after all.”
It seemed likely too, given the patience. She had played with girls who were abandoned and picked up by another family, one that did not have a son or sold their daughters off to the brothels. Most of them mentioned that even life at the brothel was a more preferable existence than under an adoptive family.
Many of them abused the girls, that it was better to even be a slave. Especially if they went on to have a son, sometimes even murdering those girls. Though unlike many, she had a fairly peculiar case. She was not adopted by a married couple, but a single woman.
“So, what was she like?”
“You when it came to pursuing what you wanted. She refused to consent to his desires if there was no marriage, headstrong in it. And assured that there was a life, she was also in her early twenties there, while I worked with her at a restaurant. Then, we had left to create out own after years of saving it up.”
“Did she ever thought much about marriage?”
“I can’t answer you, and it seems that you yourself don’t either.” She gave a smile, clearly knowing her daughter. She did not see it as a chain of any sort, but never saw any benefit to it either. Chaoyun truly did not make up her mind on this; if at all. “But he came along, and she on some level fell for him. Their marriage was contested by his parents, but not hers since she never had any apart from me.”
“So, she was in a way indentured to serve?”
“Until she repaid. Which she did in a full year, and even learned to save more of them.” Even after she fell for a man who would never marry her, and at best confer her the status of a concubine. “In a way, she provided for him well after the match. And fell pregnant shortly after.”
“She died, didn’t she?” She asked. Knowing the perils of childbirth from the gossip of townswomen. Who spoke of girls who died for their first child, bearing one too early. And the other of older women, who sometimes suffered dearly the brunt of bearing children, and in other cases, died after many children. Having a child was deemed the only use a woman truly had, all power she did have were wielded through her relatives.
“It was in the middle of winter. There was no midwife to be found, and she labored for hours. A few days later, she died.” A tale of its own. One which was solemn in its own way. A midwife could offer help or be useless if the pregnancy was not right. And either way, her own father had very much repudiated his own family for doing so.
And why, eventually she was here. Adopted by her close friend. “He brought you here, then at the end of his wits and unsure of where to go. A mother was necessary, and I’m sure you know why.”
Breast milk, a necessity to have a child raise them. “He gave me some cash for a wet nurse, before going back to his family. Likely to a new match, to one where he managed to gain favor with them.”
And leaving Chaoyun with her mother.
A story told to understand her situation. She knew that she was adopted: her mother was never married, and in any cases they remarked the differences in their appearances. Never resenting her for the trouble and rumors she may have caused, and also treating her fairly. She led a life better than many, and in many cases her mother as well.
“He had stood by her, but this tragedy put a dent on his ideals. He intends to talk to you again the next afternoon, alone. With no one in there. He is limited because he does want to make some amends, and you should listen and talk to him.”
“Then, I shall. If that is what you wish for me to do, mother.”
“At least tell him your values, and what you see for yourself. He’s a reasonable man, but if he does prove not satisfying I will not stand by either.” She nodded, knowing her mother was right. She still had someone who will help her, and intervene. Even as she adapted to all of this.
“Were you waiting for me to leave to tell me this?”
“I was, since he made no sign of wanting to come back either.” That was true, even as she was barely an adult at this point. Still young, still fresh and still unsure. Different from them in every sense of the word right now. Far more than ever while they could have tried this as well.
And when she was truly an adult in every sense, would she have chosen to tell her. No other time than this. At least right now at this point. Not until it was a necessity. “Either way, your dreams are only chosen by you and picked by you. I can’t help it if you choose something very different.”
And she was right that there was nothing which she could do about it. “You have your own mind, and I figure that it will always be easier to tell you to follow what you believe in rather than conforming to it.”
Her mother held her cheek for once. Affection was rare, but neither did her mother let her known that she was to spend her life sheltered, coddled and hidden away. She was to be a part of the world, no matter how unkind it could be.
Just as it was time to get back to work.
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