Getting ready was time consuming, from the moment she woke up to the time when it was almost time to meet her father. In the mid afternoon, where they first bathed her and her hair. She didn’t do so very often, maybe once every couple of days. Since it could get very cold and fast, and mostly out of concerns.
She mostly used the comb and showered only when her hair was itching, mostly a necessity by then. But done so when she had the time, since it was often for an extended period of time. Just as today, it was all in hot water with a new dress for her to wear. Her hair was no longer in the single braids, but in a mass of them but still with plenty of them just smaller.
Having her hair loose was only something a rich maiden could afford to do so, and often showed it. Not anyone else, even as peasant girls could do so if they were not in employment. Which she knew was rare. And she did so, since she was working with food. Better to hide any means or way to get hair into the food. Since she did not like it, much less anyone else.
The last piece was the scarf, a long purple scarf. The colors here were slightly faded, and a clear sign that they were wealthy but not so that they could afford the rich fabrics. She knew from most seamstresses that it took a lot of plants just for a single set, and why for sake of costs. A lot of it was diluted with water. And thus rich colors were simply a sign of wealth.
And only those who were at Kaifeng, and from what she knew they were close to there. But not yet. She sat in the empty room, at night used to serve customers for her father. He had just stepped in, having some time for her to think about anything and everything here.
He carried a fan, although she did not. Feeling uncomfortable in this, she was barely literate. Sure, she had a good tongue and knew what to say. But this was the sort of situation which she had none, where she could not just conjure anything up. Used to being in the background, where she abided by just one rule and principle.
They were right, and any form of defiance could simply spell the end to a largely useful career. And she served those who could often make her life very difficult just by their word alone, where leaving would mean no employment elsewhere at all. And ruining things for her mother. The same could be said here, although to a different degree. She did have a somewhat important and coveted role. But that was it, one where she was still expected to listen and mostly follow the trends.
Thus, she knew what to do. Keep her own silence and obey. “What’s your name?”
“Chaoyun.” She mentioned.
“She kept the name that were intending to give you, regardless of whether it was for a boy or girl. We thought that it was best, since names were used by many to tell women of where they stood. An ornament, one where they remained in the shadows. But never the center.”
“Do you believe so?”
“In a way, yes and of course no. In its own way, no one can say that women all have the same sort of issues that men do. We all are different, and to say that the role we provide is the same is true and at the same time not.”
If he did, then he would not have married her mother. Even when it was so disagreed upon, and she would not be here. Her mother told her very much what happened them, to bring them as father and daughter her. Their mother’s untimely demise, which meant that he had little reason to continue. And thus, abandoning her.
“It’s normal to dislike me, especially when it was so. But many would think that you would be happy, perhaps even grateful for the knowledge that I am your father.”
“I’m not sure, it is nice to know who is my father just as it is the same if I do not.” He did not seem affected or even hurt by this. A reasonable man by all standards. She served many who were angry even at their offspring’s slightest deviant from their instruction.
“A fine thing to go by, it doesn’t really matter who gave birth to you if they did not raise you?”
“I do think so, since I’m largely uncomfortable, unsure and unwilling here.” She was speaking her mind. Wondering whether it was wrong.
“It’s a warning, since the Jiang family is all but planning the engagement party and also the wedding. Mostly in an attempt to match you with the young heir of the Wu family, who stands to become a powerful minister in court.”
“So, I’m a pawn to them?” She placed her hand on the edge, leaning it on her head. Unused to just sitting around like this, when she served she was always standing and always moving. It sometimes was exhausting but it never meant that she was ever bored. Or bored enough to be staring out of the window wondering when it will come.
“Very much, since I did not have any other daughters other than you. But you certainly see how absurd it is. But also how they can get their way.” She knew that her mother’s livelihood depended on pleasing the customers, and rich ones too. And with enough pressure she would cave, there was no other way around it.
“Better for me to do so, since I do not care for their ambitions nor for their goals. I served them since a child, taught to read and aspire to government. The only one of our family to do so, but at the same time aware of how crucial I was to their plans.”
“And of course, I defied them by marrying your mother. Planning to arrange a nice match between me and a powerful clan then, and in all ways forcing me to conform to their world.”
“How did you meet my mother?”
“When I ate at a restaurant, because I just wanted some solitude away. Once I had started my new career and tired of the endless advice they gave me. Some of which had merit and others which did not.”
“Just like my mother said that you shouldn’t count on people who don’t know to give you advice.”
“Which I fully agree with at this point, simply because there is only things which you know through experience. And I was very much a first, and that meant that I made some mistakes.” While she guessed that it could allude to them, as being a local magistrate was never anything good.
“So, I’m supposed to help return you to favor?”
“They thought it fitting, but yes. I protested against it, suggesting that I simply would have to wait. Nothing I really minded, since this was something that I could learn from. Setbacks can prevent you from having a meteoric rise, but for most cases this sort of rise took decades of planning. And often generations, even as there were exceptions. But they were always related to the Emperor in some form.”
“But, you have none?” Even as he was explaining to her, in a way that she knew was uncommon amongst most. But why was he so.
“Indeed, and I’m telling you this as you’re my daughter. You do deserve to know why you are being put to this, even by all means you and I are not related. If they did not insist on bringing you back to make a good marriage, I would have simply left you alone. You’re happy here, you grew up knowing that this was all you needed.”
A very different person, although her mother was right to be a little bitter. As he for most part had chosen to dump his daughter on her, albeit he was young and unsure. But not returning until now. “But do you want this life?”
“No.”
“I know, you’re uneasy here, and you’re used to walking not sitting or weaving.”
“How do you know?”
“You were fidgeting, it isn’t something most of us do. Since we are used to inactivity, not doing anything unless it was necessary. But you relish that freedom, and the fact that you do it yourself far more than anything else?”
She gave a slight smile. Even as the food came in, most of were her favorites. And told that for the most part he had left it in Madame Bai’s hands. Choosing the dishes, to make her feel at home as much as possible. “Treat me as a nice patron, you don’t need to honor me like a father when I’m not yours. Other than the first few days of your life.”
She picked up her chopsticks, just as she always held her reservations. Not diving deep into her own thoughts, or herself. “Then, what do you wish to be?”
“I don’t know, other than not spending the rest of my life tied up in the house.” Which was an agreement for it being reasonable terms, at the very least. There was no need to worry about it changing or even having to think about having children as her only lifeblood and choice in this situation.
“Then all the more you shouldn’t marry at this age, lest you regret. For all they say in how a marriage determined in a woman’s life, more often than not they were thrown into it far from when they were ready. When they had no say in their decisions, some would be better when they were older in every sense of the word.”
“That and family may not always have the best interest in mind.”
“Make no mistake, having more people certainly benefits decision in a certain way. But it also be detrimental, especially when they have the same ideals and do not see the flaws in it. In this case, you are already seeing one of them. They are insistent, hellbent, and unaware that from what I know this would only be a lip service. It won’t benefit you or them, and at most you’ll be kindly treated. Otherwise, if it is harsh, you’ll be tossed aside.”
And with no one to help her. “It seems strange that you decide to be truthful to me than masking it?”
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