My heart did all sorts of weird things when I saw Billy walk in. At first, it started beating fast, which he had always made it do; and then it almost stopped beating altogether, realizing that after all this time of not seeing him that it was really him. When that realization sank in, it plummeted, shattering into a million pieces all over again. I hated how he was able to break my heart not just once but every time I saw him. I had often wondered if I would ever be able to get the thought of him in our bed with another girl out of my mind. No matter how much time passes, it still seems like it just happened yesterday.
Our salon team was leaving for the International Beauty Show in New York City when we got off work that Friday. We'd all been excited and loud the entire day, anxious for our trip to the big apple. It's weird how a person can go from such excitement to total devastation in a matter of seconds.
I'd forgotten one of my bags so we stopped by my apartment on the way to the airport so I could get it. I wasn't surprised to see Billy's truck at home, since it had been raining all day. Aside from being in a band, he also worked in construction, which usually came to a soggy halt on bad weather days. I knew he had a gig that night, so I figured he was getting ready for it. Boy, was I wrong.
When I walked in the front door, I headed straight to our room to get my bag, which I'd left on our bathroom counter. Walking into the bedroom, the curtains were drawn and it was dark, so I thought he was sleeping until I heard a bunch of commotion.
"Sorry, Babe, I didn't mean to wake you. I forgot—" My words caught in my throat, almost choking me, as I walked out of the bathroom and back into our room. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to see that Billy was, in fact, far from asleep. Once the realization of what was going on sank in, I ran over and flipped on the light, causing them—yes, them—to shield their eyes from the bright light. "What the hell are you doing?" I screamed. "Who is she?" I asked as my eyes fell on the naked blonde lying next to him.
"What are you doing home?"
"Really? I catch you with some slut in our bed and you've got the nerve to ask me what I'm doing?"
I flipped out. The next thing I knew I was on top of him, clawing and punching his face, trying to cause him as much pain as he was causing me, if that was even possible. He didn't fight back; he grabbed my arms so I couldn't hit him anymore so I used my feet. I didn't see the girl get up and leave, which was probably a good thing because she would've surely been next.
I called him every filthy name I could think of but it still couldn't convey the anger and hurt I was feeling. He finally forced me onto my back, pinning me to the bed so I would stop kicking his ass. As soon as my body stilled, the devastation set in and the tears started to flow. How could he do this to me? To us?
"Jacynda, this was a big mistake. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? You're sorry? Yeah, sorry that you got caught! Now, let me up," I ordered as I wiggled out of his grasp, "because there's no telling what I might be lying in." My anger was flaring back up and I welcomed it. I wanted him to feel my wrath, not my weakness. I'd have to save my tears for later when I was several states away.
Needless to say, my co-workers got a show that day and so did several of our neighbors. As I sent his things flying over the balcony, it made me appreciate the fact that we lived on the second floor. Watching his things crash to the ground was much more dramatic and satisfying from up here.
I'd only seen him twice since then; once when he came back to our—no, my apartment and begged me to forgive him, and then again at a club he was playing at. I didn't let him come in when he begged for forgiveness, shutting the door in his face, and I left the club as soon as I saw his band go on stage. He had a way of tugging on my heartstrings the same way played his guitar, but I wasn't going to be played… not again.
Kim pulled me out of my past and back into the present as Billy sat down at a table across the room. "Do you want to leave?"
"No. I won't let him have the satisfaction of controlling my life ever again. We're here to celebrate new beginnings and that includes a life without Billy Jakes." I forced a fake smile to spread across my face and finished off my drink, flagging our waiter down for another.
"Good for you, girl," Eric cheered as he held up his drink and tapped his glass to mine.
As we ate our food, I tried not to look anywhere near the direction of Billy's table, not wanting my eyes to meet his. Sadly, that didn't go as planned. My drinks had finally started to take effect and I was feeling pretty good, buzzing and laughing with my best friends, then it happened.
My eyes involuntarily looked towards where he sat with his friends and some girls, falling upon his icy blue stare. He still looked the same, with his dark, messy hair and black t-shirt that his tattoos peeked out from underneath. As much as I hated him, he was still as handsome as ever. When my eyes fell upon his, he smiled, showing off the one dimple that I had always liked to kiss. I immediately forced my eyes to look away, not wanting to be drawn in again.
I never looked his way again, even though that's all I wanted to do. And when the waiter brought another drink to me, saying it was from ‘the guy over there who is still sorry’, I didn't look his way. I had an icy blue stare, too, and he was not going to get to enjoy it.
I handed it back to him. "Can you please take it to the blonde who is sitting across from him and tell him that she needs it more than I do."
The waiter just stood there, looking at me like he didn't know what to do. "Um, I really don't want to get in the middle of anything."
"Don't worry," Eric interjected. "I'll do it." He grabbed the drink and headed toward Billy's table with it. As much as I didn't want to look, I had to. I wanted to see what his reaction was to whatever Eric was telling him, which was as expected; he just smiled and shook his head. I looked away before he could catch me watching him.
"What did you say?" Kim asked when Eric returned as I took another sip of my drink.
"Honey, your virgin ears don't want to know."
***
As I told Kim and Eric bye and walked into my new home, I was slapped in the face by the quietness of it. In my old apartment, there was always some kind of noise, either from the street or the neighbors, but here there was only silence. It was unnerving, which made me turn to lock and deadbolt my door.
I walked through the living room and dropped my keys and purse onto the kitchen counter before making my way down the hall to my room. The house seemed so much bigger now that I was here by myself. As I walked into my room, I shut and locked the door behind me. Why did I feel so paranoid? This was a safe neighborhood, so there was no need to feel scared, yet for some reason I did.
I was off tomorrow so I opted to skip a shower and go straight to bed. The drinks had taken full effect and were making me really sleepy. I took my clothes off and got into bed in my bra and panties, not bothering to put my gown on or brush my teeth. I knew I'd have a nice little hangover when I woke up.
As I lie down and listen to the quietness of the house, trying not to think about Billy, it doesn't take long to be taken over by sleep. Dreams come and go before I wake up to the feeling that something is touching my leg, which is hanging off the side of the bed. I immediately pull it back under the cover and scan my room, only to find it empty. Chills run down my spine as I feel the covers start to slowly pull back, uncovering my leg again. I jump, pulling my leg back and yanking the covers up even tighter. I lie completely still, too scared to move, and wait to see if it does it again, but it doesn't. Surely, I had imagined it. Or at least I hope I did.
I really need to quit drinking.
As I drifted back off to sleep, I was awakened by the bright sun streaming in through a crack in my curtains. The small trickle of sunlight felt like the full-on force of a spotlight shining right into my face, making my head pound.
I rolled out of bed and closed my curtains so that my room was once again dark and went to lie back down, only to be stopped by the sound of my phone ringing, which was still in my purse on the kitchen counter. When I turned to go see who it was, I noticed that my door was open—the same door I had shut and locked the night before. I tried to tell myself that maybe it hadn't latched or something. I was very drunk when they brought me home, so maybe I didn't shut it at all. It was, after all, the same door that had shut on me yesterday, so maybe it had a faulty hinge or something.
I dismissed the door problem and went to retrieve my phone. When I picked it up, I was surprised that it wasn't dead… and that it was two o'clock in the afternoon. It felt like it was still early in the morning, not the middle of the day.
I went around the counter and plugged my phone in so it would charge as I checked to see whose call I had missed, only to find that I'd not only one missed call but two, as well as three texts.
Two of the texts were from Kim, asking if I was up and then if I was alive, and the other one was from Katrina, asking if I knew where any extra foil was. "Surely they're not out of foil already," I whined to myself, knowing I would have to make a trip into the salon today. It made me wonder how Eric was getting along with his clients. Then again, he didn't drink as much as I did. Lucky Eric.
I clicked over to my call log and saw that I had a missed call from Kim and another one from a number I didn't recognize. I called Kim first to let her know I was still alive. She had wanted to eat lunch with me since we were both off today, but I told her it would have to be dinner. I knew if I went anywhere near food, right now, I'd throw up, so she suggested we go shopping first. No matter how bad I felt, I was always down for shopping, so I told her I'd get ready and meet her at four o'clock at the Knoxville Center.
When I hung up with her, I dialed the other missed call back, having no clue who it was. After a couple of rings, a deep male voice answered. When I realized who it was, I was rendered speechless and nearly dropped my phone.
"Jacynda?"
How dare he! How dare he have the nerve to call my phone after all this time. How dare he even think that I would want to talk to him. How dare he try to pull me back in. How dare he!
I hung up the phone. And when he called it right back, I declined his call. And when he left a message, I erased it without listening to it. And when he sent a text, I deleted it without reading it and turned my phone off.
Billy Jakes was the type that you had to quit cold turkey—like a bad habit. As a matter of fact, he was probably worse than a bad habit. After he'd cheated on me, I rid my life of everything that had to do with him; his things, his number, the friends we shared. If it touched his life in some way, it was no longer a part of mine. I even burnt the sheets that had been on my bed when I'd found them together. And I had risen out of the flames like a phoenix and was never going back to that place in my life again. Never.
I sighed and headed toward my room to get my things so I could take a shower. Turning on the hot water and stepping into my shower for the first time, I was thankful that it was bigger than the one in the apartment. The only thing I hated was the shower curtain. I'd have to get Kim and Eric to help me install glass doors next weekend. We'd never been into DIY projects but there's a first for everything.
As I lathered up my hair, leaning my head back into the water, my fingers brushed against someone else's. I jumped, turning around so fast that I nearly fell, but no one was there. Chills quickly popped up on my skin, even though the shower was steaming hot. I looked up to see if my hands might have brushed up against the showerhead or one of the shelves, but there was nothing near where I had been standing. Nothing that would make it feel like someone else's hands were in my hair. And they'd felt like fingers, not a shelf. I could still feel the rough skin against mine and shivered.
I was afraid to finish rinsing my hair out but knew I had to. Turning my back toward the water again, I did the best I could, leaving my eyes open.
I felt a rush of cold air at my feet and jumped, yet again, looking at the bottom of the curtain as it blew in towards my legs, sticking to my wet skin. I stood against the edge of the shower as I pressed the curtain against the corners of the tub so it wouldn't move again. I'd never been afraid to take a shower before, but I was terrified now.
I took the quickest shower I'd ever taken in my life, still feeling on edge when I got out and dried off. I knew what I'd felt—another set of fingers, rough and solid, against my own. Chills spread across my skin for the umpteenth time and I knew right then that my glass doors would be up before I would ever be able to take another shower in here again. And even then, the thought of taking another shower here frightened me. I might be able to explain away my door, or the touch in the middle of the night, but I know what I'd felt and that it was real… really scary.
***
Of course, Kim, whose mom should have her own show on TLC, thought I was crazy. "You've just got the new-home jitters," she explained after I told her what had happened in the shower. "New homes are always unsettling until you get used to living there, especially since you live alone."
"I know what I felt," I disagreed as I took a bite of bread. "It was like someone was in there with me, trying to help me wash my hair. It scared the shit out of me." I loved Kim and knew she was probably down-playing it so that I'd calm down, but I didn't need to be calmed down; I needed her to say that she believed me.
"But you were hung-over, so maybe—"
"Hung-over, not drunk," I interrupted her. "And I'm just glad it happened during the day. If it would've been at night, we would've had to have a sleep-over." Just mentioning it made me dread tonight. I didn't want to be afraid in my own home, especially of something I couldn't see. I mentioned the door to her and how something had woken me up, like it was rubbing my leg. "Do you think my house is haunted?"
She took a bite of food and shook her head. "Your house ain't haunted, Jacynda." She almost laughed, but I could tell that in the back of her mind she wondered, too.
"I don't know. There's something going on. Maybe that's why it was so cheap." As soon as I said it, half-joking, I knew that was exactly why it was so cheap. Why else would such a nice house that was located in such a great neighborhood and in such great condition be below appraisal? I knew exactly why.
"My house is haunted."
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