I don't think I passed out, but the next thing I knew, Billy was picking me up and carrying me to his truck. As he sat me in the passenger seat, I told him to get my purse and lock the door back. I rolled down my window as he headed back towards the condo. When he got back in and shut the door, I knew this was a mistake.

"I only need a ride. Just drop me off at the emergency room and leave," I told him as I raised my still bleeding arm up and hung my head out the window. You'd think that a gash as big as the one I had would hurt, but I didn't feel it. Actually, I couldn't feel my hand, either.

"I'm not leaving you, Jacy."

"Don't call me that."

"Whatever, I'm not leaving you."

I definitely should've called an ambulance.

When we pulled up to the emergency room door, he helped me in, making sure I didn't pass out before I could get seated. But when they saw me, they took me straight back.

"We'll bring the paperwork to you," the receptionist informed me.

"I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go park the truck," Billy said as he patted my good hand.

"Please... don't."

"Don't park the truck?"

"No. Don't come back," I pleaded.

He scowled at me and said, "I'll be right back."

I was lying on a gurney when he returned and a nurse let him back into my room. If I'd have thought about it, I'd have told her not to let anyone in. But he was here, now, and I didn't want to cause a scene.

"So, what happened?" he asked.

"I knocked a lamp over and as I tried to catch it, it broke and sliced my arm."

"You lost a lot of blood."

"Don't remind me."

The doctor came in and introduced himself as he started to unwrap my arm. "Oh, you really got cut up good." Between Billy and this doctor, I was surely gonna lose my supper. "You might need to see our surgeon. Move your fingers for me." Without looking to see how bad the cut was, I wiggled my fingers. When I did, pain shot up my arm like I'd never felt, causing me to wince. "Can you move your fingers?"

"I just did."

"Okay, let me call Dr. Maja and let him take a look at it before I close it up. Sorry, but I can't numb it up just yet, not until he looks at it."

"That's okay. It only hurts when I move my fingers, so I just won't do that." I tried to force a smile, but my mouth would cooperate. After the week I'd had, I figured it may take it a while before I'd be able to smile again.

The doctor walked out, and Billy stood up and walked to my bed, sitting down on the edge of it. "Your fingers didn't move."

"What?"

"When he told you to move your fingers, they didn't move."

I looked down at my arm, which he had thankfully wrapped back up, and tried to move my fingers. The same sharp pain shot up my arm, but my fingers didn't move—none of them. I started to cry, unsure of what this meant.

"Don't cry," Billy said, trying to comfort me as he wiped the tears from my face.

I quickly jerked my head away. "That's my cutting hand. How am I supposed to work?"

"I'm sure they'll fix it."

I shook my head and looked away. I wanted to scream. Scream for having a house that I was afraid to live in. Scream for seeing that face at Chad's. Scream for bleeding all over his condo. Scream for having a hand that I couldn't use. Scream for calling Billy instead of an ambulance. But then again, if I was going to be out of work for a while, I'll probably need the money that I saved. I still didn't know if it was worth it, though.

I decided not to scream and just sighed heavily instead. I turned my head and shut my eyes, trying to go to a happy place far from here. But then I felt his hand on my leg, which pulled me right back.

"Don't touch me," I snapped, not looking at him.

"Why did you call me?"

I opened my eyes and glared at him. "Because no one else answered their phone. And the one person who did answer the phone had no way to get me. I didn't want to have to call an ambulance and I was afraid to drive myself, knowing I would probably pass out on the way. So don't flatter yourself by thinking that I called you for any reason other than that."

He smiled, which infuriated me even more. "So, whose condo were you at?"

"How do you know it's not mine?"

"Because surely if it were yours you would know your address."

"Well, it's none of your business whose condo it is."

"Why didn't you call them instead of me?"

"Because it's complicated, okay."

I was done. I was done talking. I was done listening. I was done. I rolled over and shut my eyes, begging sleep to take me. Sleep must be a sympathetic thing because it did, wrapping me in its arms and leading me into a dreamless sleep.

I don't know what time it was when the doctor came back in and woke me up. Billy was still here, asleep in the chair by my bed. I hoped he would stay that way.

"Ms. Johnson, I heard you have a nasty cut here," he said as he unwrapped my arm. I kept my eyes up as he looked at it. When he told me to move my fingers, I cringed, knowing that pain was coming. "Well, it looks like the flexor tendon has been severed, so we are going to have to do surgery to fix it."

"Surgery?"

"Yes. You won't be able to use this hand for at least a couple of months."

"But I do hair."

"I'm sorry, but it looks like you're going to have to take some time off."

"Will she be able to use her hand again?" Billy asked from where he'd been sleeping. I hated that he was awake, but that was a question that I needed to know the answer to and was too afraid to ask.

"Most likely, but you may not have full range of motion, so it may make your job a lot harder and probably painful. You'll definitely have to go to therapy."

I felt sick. "When will you do the surgery?"

"Right now. They are going to come in and prep you and then we'll get started."

He went through more details about what they were going to do and what would happen after the surgery, but I didn't hear most of it. All I kept thinking about was what I would possibly do if I couldn't do hair again.

"Do you have any questions for me?" I shook my head. "Okay, then. I'll see you in a bit. If you have any questions before they bring you up, just let the nurse know. For your own comfort, you'll be asleep for the surgery, but it's a light sedation, so you should feel fine when you wake up." I nodded, not knowing what to say. He patted my leg. "I'll fix you right up," he assured me as he walked out.

"Where's my phone? I've got to call Eric and tell him I won't be at work tomorrow. And Chad, I've got to tell him what happened so he doesn't come home to a bloody mess and think I'm dead somewhere." Billy got my phone out of my purse and handed it to me. I immediately start dialing Eric's number, looking back at Billy as it rang. "How long did he say I'd be in here?"

"Just until tomorrow, I think."

"Hello?" I could tell I had woken him up.

"Eric, I'm sorry to wake you, but I'm at the hospital."

"Are you okay? I thought you just cut your arm?" He sounded more awake now.

"I did, but I cut it pretty bad and they are fixing to do surgery on it."

"Oh, my word! Are you serious?"

"Yes, listen, I won't be at work tomorrow. Tell Beth what's happened and that I'm not going to be able to do hair for at least a couple of months. Tell her she's got to figure out something I can do with just one hand." I almost started to cry but sucked it up. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Call me as soon as you get out of surgery."

I was hanging up with him when the nurse came in. "Are you ready?"

"No." I explained that I needed to make one more phone call.

"Honey, you go right ahead. I'll get your IV going and the paperwork and everything ready first."

My head started to spin at the thought of an IV. I tried to push it to the back of my mind with all of the other bad thoughts that I was storing back there as I tried to find Chad's number. I hadn't put it into my contacts yet, so I had to scroll through my texts to find it. I started to call him but just sent a text instead, not knowing what he was doing or if he could even talk at this hour.

I’m ok. I saw a face… maybe it followed me… & I accidentally broke your lamp which almost cut my arm off. I’m at UT & they’re fixing to do surgery. I'll see you 2mrw when you wake up & I'll explain everything.

I hit send but thought of something else.

I'll buy you a new couch & whatever else my blood ruined. I’m sorry...for everything.

I hit send as the nurse started inspecting my veins, ready to do my IV. I turned my head, not wanting to look, and looked right into Billy's tired eyes. I think I'd rather look at the needle and pass out. His eyes had always drawn me in, like a riptide pulling me out to sea. They were an ocean that I'd always wanted to get lost in, but now they made me feel like the waves of our past were pulling me under and I was drowning.