****mentions suicidal thoughts. Just a heads up.*****

Emerson stared at his phone. He read and reread the text Dresden had sent him hours before. He had decided to wait until morning to talk to any of his roommates. He had heard someone knocking on his door at some point through his open window and had heard Zee talking out in the hallway but he hadn't been able to understand what was being said from his perch on the roof. It didn't matter anyway. They were all disgusted with him. He could tell. He was disgusted with himself. They'd want him to leave. He just knew it. He didn't have a job, so he couldn't contribute and now he had hurt Zee and nearly thrown him into a panic attack. He felt like a peice of shit. He felt useless.

He very carefully scooted closer to the edge of the roof and peered down, almost in a trance. He wondered if it would be fatal if he fell from this height or if it would just leave him broken. He didn't want to be disabled, unable to care for himself, and be even more of a burden on anyone than he already was. They would hate him for it. They'd send him away to be someone else's problem, maybe back to his mother's or to one of his sisters' houses. But they wouldn't want him either. His mother tolerated him when she felt she had to, but she wouldn't want to take care of a brain damaged or paralyzed adult. Her attempts at parenting had stopped long before the day Emerson turned 18. She had asked him to move out the day after he'd graduated and he had barely spoken to his mom since. He had stayed with Dresden, with the agreement that he helped pay bills and keep the house clean.

He snapped out of the unwanted cycle of thought and scooted back to his original perch, shaking and unsettled. He didn't want to die. He just didn't want to be a burden to his friends anymore, didn't want to be a burden to anyone. He knew he was upsetting them and that he had really hurt Zee this evening. And without a job he was just an even bigger burden than before. His thoughts continued to circle.

He heard movement behind him and turned to see Dresden in his window. Dresden stared at him calmly.

"Lace and Zee are asleep. You've been out here for a couple hours now. I know you have to be cold. Come in here and eat something and then we need to talk, bud." Dresden said cooly.

"How did you get in my room?" Emerson asked, confused. "I'm really not hungry, Dresden, and I don't want to talk to anyone."

"I picked the lock. I didn't ask if you were. You haven't eaten in more than a day. You're eating something. And I really don't care if you want to or not, we need to. So either you come in here where its warm or I come out there. Your choice."

Emerson glared at him. Calm blue eyes met his stare. He sighed and hesitantly climbed back into his bedroom. He saw that Dresden had brought a bowl of chili up for him. Emerson sat on the bed and looked around the room. It was still messy but he and Zee had made a dent in it earlier. You could see the floor now and the dirty dishes were gone. The computer chair hadn't been salvageable so they had decided to just let the paint dry on it. He felt another sharp pang of guilt. How could he treat Zee so awfully when Zee was so kind to him? He had no right.

Dresden handed him the bowl of chili and sat down next to him after contemplating the computer chair with the now mostly dry puddle of paint in the seat and deciding he didn't want orange paint on his ass. He watched Emerson pick at the chili.

"What's going on with you, dude? This isn't you. The person we saw earlier, that wasn't you. There was no reason to start yelling. And I know you didn't mean to, but you split Zee's lip."

Emerson sighed shakily and glanced up at his friend before staring back into his food. "I'm gonna apologize in the morning." He mumbled quietly. "I don't know what happened."

"Bullshit." Dresden said calmly. "Is it the insomnia? I know you haven't been sleeping. That doesn't excuse it, but there has to be some kind of reason for this."

Emerson couldn't answer. He felt like he had swallowed a stone and it had lodged in his throat. His eyes burned and his head and chest ached. He shook his head without looking up. He honestly didn't know what was wrong with him and he didn't know how to explain anything to Dresden without him getting even more worried. He was so frustrated, he felt like crying again. He didn't want them to worry about him. He didn't want to be a burden. The spiral of thoughts started all over again.

Dresden watched Emerson zone out. He was getting frustrated but he waited patiently. Emerson looked so lost and confused. Maybe he really didn't know.

"Well," Dresden finally said. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow, after you talk to them, I'm taking you out job hunting. We can talk more then, if you're ready to. If not, you know where to find me when you are ready."

Emerson watched Dresden get up and start to walk out the door. Dresden stopped and went back to the window. He closed it and locked it and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Emerson felt sick at the thought of facing Zee and Lacey in the morning. He felt like the worst person alive. He set what was left of his bowl of chili down on his night stand and curled up in a ball on his bed, feeling queasy.

...

Emerson woke up to someone throwing clothes and a towel at him. He opened his eyes to see Dresden standing in the doorway of the bedroom with his arms crossed, looking impatient. Emerson pulled the towel off his face and sat up.

"What time is it?" He asked, yawning.

"Time to get up and shower." Dresden told him. "If you want to talk to Zee or Lacey this morning you need to get up now. He has therapy today. They bumped his appointment up this morning, so Lacey is taking him. You and I will be job hunting on foot today."

Emerson groaned and flopped back down on his bed, pulling the blanket over his head and rolling over. It was going to be a long day and he just didn't have the energy.

"Nope!" Dresden exclaimed as he yanked Emerson's blankets away. "You're not wallowing in bed all day. You're getting up, you're going to go talk to your friends, we're going to hopefully find you a job and then you and I are going to clean up the kitchen that you left to rot all week. Maybe we'll get your room finished too."

Emerson sat back up and stared at him. He felt overwhelmed and anxious just thinking about all that and wanted to go back to sleep.

"If you're not in the shower in 10 minutes, I'm coming back." Dresden turned to leave. "Remember when Zee first started at the gas station? We can do that again, if you want."

Emerson did remember, quite clearly. Dresden had followed Zee around the entire evening, making him get ready for work that night. He then physically lifted the boy up and tossed him in the car when Zee had panicked and refused to go. Zee had never worked before and new things terrified him. Dresden was the only reason he had started at the gas station. The last thing Emerson wanted was for Dresden to try and force him out the door and he knew his friend would do it. He sighed and made his way to the shower.

Emerson heard someone walk past the bathroom as he turned on the shower and heard his bedroom door open. He rolled his eyes, knowing it was Dresden looking to see if he had to make good on his threat. Emerson climbed in the shower and stayed there much longer than he actually needed too.

He got out and looked at himself in the mirror. He had large purple bags under his eyes and scraggly stubble all over his face. His wet curls hug to his shoulders. He looked homeless.

He looked at the clothes Dresden had thrown on him. A pale blue, long sleeved button up that he didn't recognize and khaki pants. Interview clothes. He shaved and got dressed.

He looked in the mirror and felt slightly better about his appearance. He decided he needed to do something with his hair. It would be wild once it dried all the way. He pulled it into a half ponytail and borrowed some Bobby pins from Lacey's drawer to keep the shorter hair by his ears from sticking out. He looked himself over once more, deciding that was as good as it was going to get and that he needed to get his apology out of the way.

He left the bathroom and walked towards the stairs. He could smell food, so he assumed Dresden or Lacey had made breakfast. His stomach twisted and he wasn't sure if he could eat. His guilt from last night and his anxiety towards today had him feeling sick.

He made his way to the kitchen and saw the rest of the household was there. Lacey was standing by the coffee maker, leaned back against the counter and holding the coffee pot possessively. She hadn't gotten dressed yet and was wearing bright red pajama pants and a giant hoodie that Emerson was almost positive was actually his. Her bling curls had been pulled back into a messy bun and she looked like she could fall asleep where she was standing.

Zee and Dresden were sitting at the makeshift table, Dresden was reading while he ate and both he and Zee were dressed and ready for the day. Zee had glanced up from his food when Emerson walked in, and pulled the hood to his lilac hoodie up and immediately looked back down at his food. Dresden had reached over and pulled the hood back down. It was an unspoken rule that had carried over from Mrs. Edwards' house. No hats or hoods at the table. She found it disrespectful, and her children had kept the habit.

Emerson shifted his weight nervously and cleared his throat. His chest felt tight and he had a lump in his throat. His stomach was twisted in knots and he felt like he could vomit at any second.

"Guys?" He said softly "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have acted like that. I wasnt thinking and I don't know what was up with me."

Lacey looked up from the coffee pot and gave him a small smile.

"Its ok, Em." She said. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have pushed you. I knew you weren't feeling well."

Zee looked up at Emerson with big eyes. "Why did you hit me?" He asked quietly. "It was an accident, right?"

"I honestly didn't mean to." Emerson told him quietly, his gut twisting painfully again. He felt like crying. He could barely look at Zee. The horrible image from the night before kept jumping into his brain. "I pulled away from Lacey too quickly and you were just there. And I was just so angry and I didn't know why, and I didn't see you until it was too late. I wanted to apologize immediately and instead I acted like an ass. I'm so, so sorry, Zee. I swear, I would never hurt you on purpose."

Zee stared at him thoughtfully a moment and nodded. "Ok." He said and smiled shyly. "Thank you for apologizing."

Emerson sighed and sat down. Dresden slid a plate of food in front of him, still not looking up from the book in his hand. Emerson didn't feel like things were okay yet, but he hoped that he had made progress towards repairing things with his apology. He forced himself to attempt to eat.

After Lacey put the coffee pot down to go get dressed, he snuck a cup for himself. He desperately needed the caffeine.

Soon after, they were all leaving the house. Lacey and Zee, in the direction of Dr. Jones' office and Dresden and Emerson in the direction of the gas station Zee worked at just down the street from their house, the first stop of many for that day's job hunt. It really was going to be a long, exhausting day.

...