The ankle-length sheepskin coat tickled my bare skin as I slipped it on, the thick material lending warmth to my cool body. After years of donning only the finest silk, it felt oddly familiar. Perhaps it was that same odor of charcoal that I recalled as a child. That stench of poverty which knew no borders, that cared not whether you were Han or Tufan.

     I recalled wearing a similar garment, though the style and fabric of the Han was different from that of the Tufan’s. Vague grainy memories of when my own mother gifted me my first full-sized robe played in my mind, causing my lips to break in a wistful smile. So proud of my new robe, I had worn it for many days later… until the Tufan raided our little village. My smile dropped as the scent of ashes filled my senses, the visage of a small fire at my feet burnt in the back of my eyes.

     With a hard yank, I tied the sash tightly around my waist. My jaw clenched at the sight of the enemy’s garb wrapped around my body. Here I was, in a Tufan’s villager abode, dressed in their clothes. What would my younger self say?

     My fists clenched at my sides, I felt the burning heat of revenge in the pits of my stomach. Locked away, it now festered, its rage directed at the people who lived within the territory I was now so deep in. But shaking my head, the rational part of my mind took over. I was no longer the young immature girl I used to be. I was capable of much more.

     Inhaling slowly, I doused the flames of hatred until they were nothing but cinders. I reminded myself once again that my goal was no longer that of revenge. The Tufan were a threat. They were to be neutralized, not exterminated.

     My objective now firmly in place, I turned my focus to the more minor but pertinent details. The coat I wore was obviously meant for a larger person. The sleeves dangled inches below my hands. So I raised my arms, letting the fabric fall to my elbows. As it did, the tattoo above my wrist was exposed, pulling my attention towards it.

     The red tint to the ink remained, as did the green color of the veins below it. Gulping, I applied pressure to the spot, hoping that somehow the color would turn back to normal. Seconds passed, yet nothing changed as I expected. I knew it would be a useless effort, but it was worth the try.

     What was it that I had heard people say? First, the color change. Next, the pangs of pain as the body disintegrates internally.

     My fingers dug sharply into my palm as my right hand reached for the small, sharp pin on the table. Squeezing it between my fingers, I held it close to my outstretched wrist. The light glinted off the tips as I ran it down my skin, the cold metal sending a chill as it did. Stopping at the dragon tattoo, I pressed the pin down gently.

     Pricking the top of the dragon’s black head, it drew a small drop of blood, the red color tainting the tip of the pin. I stared at the dark shade, unable to find any tinge of green to it. The poisonous color that flowed through my veins was not removable. Unless, of course, I cut it off completely.

     But that was not an option. It wasn’t the arm nor the wrist that caused this. It was my heart.

     I lowered my arm, letting the sleeve drop down before fastening it tightly around my wrist with the pin. Doing the same with the other sleeve, the last touches were finished. Under the bright, warm sunlight that streamed in through the windows of the small hut, I studied myself in the small mirror by the table. The person looking back at me resembled a normal peasant woman, though the soft texture and fairer unblemished skin would tell otherwise.

     Would this be how I looked like had I not entered the Imperial Palace? Tilling the farm in a distant countryside with Li Wai-

     A sharp sting at my left wrist elicited a hiss from my thinly drawn lips. I lifted the sleeve a little. My eyes narrowed at the sight of the green poison snaking further down my veins toward my elbow. I had not fully believed in how soulmate tattoos worked, thinking that the magic behind it would not be as far-reaching to be able to discern slight changes in the heart.

     Apparently, I was wrong. Just the slightest shift in my emotions, the slightest falter away from the man whose soulmate tattoo matched mine, and the poison would react, reminding me of the unbreakable bond I had forged with the belated Emperor.

     The soulmate magic allowed no room for another love besides that which had been bound. It was the next step beyond marriage, a way to ensure that both parties never strayed from each other. A connection beyond that on paper.

     I thought I would never need to experience the magic’s side effects for I had rid myself of the necessity of a romantic relationship. Yet I could not account for Li Wai’s appearance, the one man from my past that I had sworn to forget. Just seeing him in front of me brought back memories of when we were young. Hearing him talk reminded me of what could have been.

     But those feelings had to be suppressed. I clutched a fist to my chest, my lips pursing in determination. I had not come this far just to be defeated by a mere fleeting emotion, a remnant of my past. There were so many pressing affairs I had to deal with, so many changes I wished to bring about as the Empress Dowager. I would not sacrifice all that just for a possible relationship with a man whose character and motives could have changed over the years. That would be utter foolishness.

     I could kill people, so killing my emotions was nothing in comparison.

     A soft rap interrupted my thoughts, causing my head to jerk towards the entrance of the small room. I crossed over to the wooden door in a few steps and gently opened it a crack. Half of Li Wai’s face was visible through the sliver of an opening, shadows cast upon it by the dark corridor. Upon seeing me, he made to bow in deference. “Emp-”

     My brows lifting, I gave a small shake of my head. Understanding my silent order, his lips pressed shut as he straightened. His voice low, he kept his head bent, the Tufan hat he lent from the villager almost slipping off. “We need to leave now. They will not be far behind.”

     Looking him over, I whispered, “How about your wounds?”

     “I have healed enough, Emp-” Li Wai stopped himself again from addressing me formally. “It is dawn and I fear more men will be on the way. We need to get a head start.”

     I hesitated for a split second before giving an abrupt nod. “I’ll be outside shortly.”

     Closing the door, I hurriedly gathered the few belongings I had – an extra coat and pair of boots from the villager’s wife – and wrapped it firmly inside the cloth satchel, tying it with a quick knot. The satchel draped across my back, I turned towards the entrance when the glimmer of reflected sunlight caught my eye. Turning my head sideways, my gaze fell upon the small ankle bracelet on the side of the table.

     It was the only object I still kept that belonged to my past. A gift from my father. My fingers reached out, brushing the peach that dangled from it.

     But maybe it was time to throw it away. It was an impractical accessory, even more so given the situation I was in.

     My heart and mind at war against each other, the hard knock on the door startled me and a sharp gasp left my lips.

     “Are you ready?” I heard Li Wai’s gruff voice mumble urgently.

     Taking one last look at the ankle bracelet, I called out.

      “Yes.”