It's alright.
I always knew this would happen anyway.
I knew there was someone else out there for him.
I always knew it.

Yeah…

I knew it all along…
that's why I tried so hard for so long to not become attached.

Before him, I never got lonely from lack of company…
Before him, the loneliness I felt was different -
- it was a very deep loneliness…it was the feeling of being all alone in the world, an entity detached from and unable to reach the rest of existence -
- it was a terrible loneliness, but it was one that I was accustomed to, and it was a loneliness that only increased when I was around other people, so I was happiest when I was physically alone.

I never missed anyone who I knew I'd see again eventually.
I was terribly afraid of getting attached enough to anyone to make me miss them, because I was certain that once I did that, they would leave me behind and I would be left with a new kind of loneliness, one that I didn't know how to handle.
I was sure that would happen, so I was very, very careful…

But then…
Before I realized it, I'd become that attached to him.

I didn't understand it at first, but once I did, I hated myself for letting it happen.
I thought I was too strong to become sad just because a certain person wasn't physically near me.
I tried to ignore it and to make it go away, but I couldn't get rid of it no matter what I did.

So eventually, I just gave in to it.
He convinced me, and I convinced myself, that we would be always be together.
For the first time, I became weak to the presence of another person.
For the first time, there was a person who I always wanted to be around.
For the first time…I wasn't lonely at all.

But…deep down…I always knew it wouldn't last forever.
I always knew that there was someone else meant for him.
I knew it, but…
once I became comfortable like that, I tried to dismiss the idea.
I told myself it wasn't true and tried to forget it.
I selfishly hoped that he would never find the other one meant for him…
that he would never find her and that he would just stay with me forever and ever.

Eventually, I became comfortable that he would settle for me.

I finally became comfortable…
and then…
"I'm…so sorry…but…I fell in love with her!"

Now I know all the loneliness all over again.
And I hate myself for it…
…because I'm supposed to be so much stronger than this…
…and because I always knew that someday it would end like this, but I chose to ignore it.

And now…I'm lonely again…

Although he said
"I'm not abandoning you! I promise!"
and although I know he's telling the truth when he says that…
and even though I truly wish for him to be happy, no matter whom he's with or where he is…
even though I really want to be happy for him and to move on by myself…
even though I want to be strong all on my own…
in spite of all that…

I…

I'm so terribly lonely…

Someone…
Anyone…
Please…
Help me…

I can't take any more of this!