Why can't I look away?

I used to call it emotional self-harm

What a ridiculous

name for a network failing to adjust to change in its rewards system

So why bo I keep on looking up at You

When every glimpse of You

Send a molten spike of regret and self Loathing threw the center of my heart?

Cos my brain's still acting like it's however many fucking! months ago

Back when seeing You

made everything feel better when just seeing your icon there gave me the reassuring feeling that whatever was bothering me I could tell You and you'd tell me everything's going to be ok that I wasn't a bad person and I'd fucking believe You

Back when I didn't have to write bulshit sudo poetry

Because You'd hear me