What the hell have I done...
And right there, Liam remembered that Marcus practically ordered him to come over to his place tonight for video-games. He couldn’t even make an excuse this time since he was ‘unwell’ last time and he couldn’t make another one to flake out of tonight’s plan.
Well, this is off to a fantastic start...
“How did this even happen?!” Liam freaked out, slapping his hands over his face. He groaned unhappily and suddenly got fearful. “Shit. I told him that lie because I can’t spend another day alone with him!” Liam mumbled, embarrassed as Caleb cheerfully served another customer who had just come in.
“Wait, why did you do that?” The black girl asked him, coming closer to him as the customer took his beverage and sat down at a table near a window on the other side of the cafe. Caleb also stood nearby, interested in Liam's answer.
“You know everything, guys. And lately it’s been hard to not be the lovesick guy I am when I’m around him.” the barista told his co-workers. "I'm literally finding it hard to keep calm and not slam him against the wall and make out with him." Liam added with a shudder as he imagined it.
Hot breath against his lips as Marcus would stare longingly at him. The urge would be too much to bear and he'd close the gap, tenderly kissing him and pressing up against his-
"Whoa, dude, T-M-I." Caleb frowned, cutting his thoughts off and raising his hands.
"Uh, heh, sorry," Liam apologized with an sheepish look.
"Look, why can’t you just tell him what you really feel instead of hiding it all the time?” Abby asked softly.
“Yeah. Liam, it’s obvious you got it bad for him but you can just save yourself the heartache and tell him, right?” Caleb added, shrugging his shoulders.
They both had a point. And Liam wanted to. God, he wanted nothing more. It was so simple; all he had to do was march up to Marcus and let go of everything he was holding back. But every time Liam thought about it, he was overwhelmed by his possible reactions. He didn’t know if he’d be able to take it if Marcus either rejected him or was disgusted by him or that he was in love with someone else.
He may already be so as well.
"It isn't that simple," he said in a defeated tone, clenching his hands that formed into fists. Abby and Caleb looked at each other, not knowing what to say to their friend to comfort him and Abby sighed.
Liam didn't say another word to the two and he quietly stood there, thinking it better to love him silently than be heartbroken and in pain for years. Liam thought that their friendship was not worth risking and he would be happy to remain his friend until they were both dead and gone. Even if his love was unrequited.
He remembered his childhood with Marcus so well, like it was yesterday. The two were always getting together, making plans, talking about the future. Everything seemed so solid, so real when they talked about being best friends for forever. It broke little Liam's heart as they grew from naive, innocent children to adults who had to grow up.
Those promises of being friends forever were sometimes misunderstood and Liam found it difficult to remain friends with someone who ultimately held his heart in their hands. To protect himself and vowing to never let Marcus know how he truly felt, one day he just shut out poor Marcus and up until that point, Liam could never forgive himself for doing that. But in his defense, it was to make the hurt go away.
But three years ago, they ran into each other at the University of London where Marcus was taking graphic design and Liam was taking art. The unresolved emotions that Liam had been desperately held back nearly came pouring out but Marcus apologized so much for not staying in contact, making Liam more guilty since he was the one who broke it.
But the silver-lining since then was that they had video-games night every three days or so at Marcus's place. It would've been the perfect set-up if Liam wasn't so insistent and ignorant in the beginning that he could get over his unrequited love he had for Marcus.
And now he couldn't back out of it. He could never break Marcus's heart again.
Damn it.
“Well, whatever your reasons are, I’m sure it isn’t what they seem,” Abby spoke up again comfortingly as she cleaned the counter-tops and threw some cups and jugs into the sink. “And it's theoretically possible that he might feel the same way, you know. But you aren’t gonna know until you tell him. ”
“Of course, in your own time,” Caleb added, folding his arms. “You know Abby and I would never do anything like that.” Abby nodded her head in response, supporting Caleb’s statement.
“I know.” Liam replied with a sad smile. “Thanks you guys.”
“Go over tonight, if you’re up for it,” Abby encouraged him, patting his back. “Even if you don’t tell him what you’re feeling, you might get some closure, if that makes sense.”
“You think?” Liam questioned wonderingly, looking at her as she tucked another curl behind her ear. Was it even possible to get closure from Marcus at this point? Liam honestly didn't know and in a way, he didn't want to know either.
"I'm telling you this because I know what it's like," The ebony-skinned girl explained patiently, standing still for a moment with an air of seriousness. "Laura and I didn't have the best time either when it came to love. People always tried to force their opinion on us but she never let me dwell on it. She believes in living in the moment and I love her for it. If she hadn't been that way, there wouldn't have been a chance for us to be together like we are right now."
"Keeping these things in your system doesn't do you any good either. It will hurt you emotionally as well as physically and they say stress is the number one reason for a lot of health issues these days. At least if you tell Marcus about it, don't you think it'll be huge thing off your chest?" Abby added, tilting her head at the last part.
“Abby’s right, mate.” Caleb said, glancing at her, his cyan eyes twinkling and smiling at her in pride. “Who knows? There might be something you need to find about him before you jump the gun. And even when you are honest with him, whenever that is, Marcus might not even react the way you’re expecting him to. He's a kind guy, isn't that how you fell for him?” he pointed out.
“Oh, so you CAN be sensitive when the situation calls for it?” Abby grinned teasingly at her co-worker.
“Well, this was bound to happen eventually.” Caleb shrugged with a mocking smile of his own. They all burst out in laughter. Liam knew they were right. There was a reason those guys were his good friends. Ruffling Caleb’s hair knowing that it annoyed him and resting a hand on Abby’s shoulder, he grinned at the two and their antics.
“Well, maybe you’re right, you two.” Liam started slowly, turning around and putting some cups away. “Maybe it’s time to stop hiding.”
The other two baristas paused, looking at each other. Suddenly, Abby gave a small squeal and clapped her friend on the back, grinning wildly as she did.
"Wait, are you sure?" Caleb asked cautiously. "We're not trying to pressure you or anything, we ju-"
"I'm sure Caleb, thanks and don't worry," Liam beamed at him. "I know you're not pressuring me. I just think that you guys are right and there's no point acting like I've been rejected if I can do something about it, right?"
“That’s great Liam, I’m so happy for you!” Abby said happily to her fellow barista making him blush slightly. “So will you tell him tonight?” Abby asked curiously. “I mean, not that you have to, I-”
“I know what you mean.” Liam smiled at at the young girl. “Honestly don’t know if I can do it tonight. But if I can, I’ll tell you guys.” he promised them.
I owe it to myself and to Marcus...
“That’s great!” Caleb cheered, waving his dishcloth in the air as a sign of victory. “Give yourself something to celebrate every now and then, otherwise your whole life will go on by without you knowing.”
“Way to be poetic ‘Mr. Caleb Lee Dawson’.” Abby nudged him with a smile. "I swear, you're like their number one shipper." Caleb threw the cloth on his shoulder again and raised an eyebrow but nevertheless joined in the laughter again.
"Haters gonna hate." He grinned simply, folding his arms again and winking at Abby. The dark-skinned girl groaned in response, whacking him with her own dishcloth she had on her shoulder and that made Liam laugh harder as he tried to stop himself from cry-laughing.
He was so grateful for those two idiots and their advice gave him a glimmer of confidence. Liam laughed so much that he stomach ached and the customers of Ella's wondered what could possibly so funny that all the baristas had lost it. But they didn't care and they loved it.
Maybe this was the push he needed in order to be truthful.
To himself and to his first love.