Jared was not happy. Ever since the Christmas party, Dahlia had become even more distant. She didn’t want to be with him in the same room, didn’t really talk to him during dinner. They’d spent Christmas sitting across from each other not speaking. She’d called up her family and spent an hour talking to her siblings, then another hour wishing he understood Spanish since apparently her mother spoke it. Who would’ve guessed?

They were back at work and she’d been avoiding him like the plague. Some of the nurses had asked him why he hadn’t stayed to party this year, to which he’d replied he had some things come up. He’d seen a couple of them giving him curious looks and he knew it was like Dahlia had said, they’d all seen them leave together. He saw his patients, went home, got ignored by Dahlia even though she would still make him dinner. He’d noticed that she’d gotten better at it as well, considering she had stated since the beginning that she hated cooking. But they still wouldn’t talk more than a few minutes regarding  anything else but work and silly unrelated nonsense to fill the silence. He hated it. Hated not talking to her, not hearing her stories, or seeing her expressive facial expressions as she ranted about something that’d happened at work.

He also knew that she was still hanging out with Anthony, the redheaded man always made it a point to invite her for lunch at least once a week. Apparently, they’d been friends since when she was working at the hospital. It annoyed Jared that she would smile with Anthony, but would ignore him. Part of him was worried that she would decide that she liked Anthony’s company better and stay with him once the two years were over. He didn’t want them to be over, he wanted… stability? He enjoyed her company, they were married by convenience, but now it meant more. She just didn’t seem to see it that way.

Christmas came and went and soon they were faced with New Years and what that entailed. It was Friday again, three days before New Year’s Eve, and they were hanging out in the living room at home working on some paperwork.

“My mother wants us to go up to Washington for New Year’s Eve.”

Dahlia looked up from her phone. “You mean she wants you to go and visit. I doubt she would want to see my face.”

“Well, it's not like I'm going to leave you by yourself on New Year's Eve.”

“I'm working on that day.”

“Can't you get someone else to work for you?” Jared turned from the TV to look at her. “You worked last year's holiday, too. A break would only be fair.”

Dahlia sighed and set her papers to the side, “To spend it listening to Camille being rude to me and attacking you? I'm good.” Jared rolled his eyes. “Besides, I'm the only one without a kid at work…” and quickly mumbled, “…or not married.” She picked up her tea mug to have something else to look at.

“But you are married, in case you’ve forgotten.” He wanted to scream.

“No one at work knows that, okay? HEY!” she yelped when Jared learned over and took the mug away, setting it on the coffee table.

“You are married, though. Beyond that matter, you deserve a day off.” He saw her pout and knew it meant she was getting annoyed—he had learned to distinguish her facial expressions. “You, out of all 100 people in that place, deserve a vacation, you know that?”

She muttered under her breath, crossing her arms. “I'm a supervisor. It's unfair to the others. I'm supposed to take care of everyone. Look out for them.”

“But who takes care of you?”

She shrugged.

“Over the last year, I have seen you’re always covering on the floor when someone calls in. You’re always staying late when there's no one else to stay because you don’t like people missing time with their families. You've worked weekends when there's nobody else. You are the face of the place, but you are tired. I know you are. You do things without being asked and offer more than what others deserve.” He smiled softly when he saw the look on her face, eyes beginning to tear up. “Plus, you have to deal with me. That’s kind of a big deal, you know. So, you definitely deserve this vacation.”

She gave him a watery smile. “But that would mean a vacation away from you… not with you.”

“Hey.”

“I appreciate your input, Jared, but I cannot leave those days empty. Everyone has already made their plans. I can't pull someone just because I’ve changed my mind at the last minute.” She learned over to grab her mug again, “Thank you for your support though. I … I didn't realize that you noticed so much around you.”

“Well, you are my wife now. I have to notice things about you,” He noticed her tense at his comment. “I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, and we have done some things we probably shouldn’t have done… But it's all about moving forward now, Dahlia. Before you became my wife, you were my nurse, coworker. You got to know me more than probably anyone else. Of course, I would notice things around me.”

She dropped her gaze. She didn’t want to talk about this. She hadn't told him that she was pregnant, that she was carrying his child. This baby, that had not been planned, was alive and developing inside her, and he didn’t now. She didn’t know how to tell him. Part of her felt guilty that he was trusting her with all this information; part of her just wished everything was back to the way it had been before where they were just coworkers during the day and roommates at night.

She felt guilty. He was trusting her while she could not, and would not, reveal to him something so important. “I really do appreciate it, I mean it. I'm being honest with you when I tell you I can't and refuse to be in the same place with your mother. She has been a dark cloud over my head for the last three months. I can handle a lot of things going on in my life at the same time, but she's just the one thing I cannot deal with.” Standing up, she looked at Jared. “Please don’t ask me to go with you to a place where I'm clearly not wanted.” Mug in hand, she turned to leave, but only got as far as the edge of couch when he got her arm, causing her to look back at him. His face serious, she knew he was thinking, processing. The cogs turning quickly inside his brain.

“My mother doesn’t matter in any of this. I understand the hurt she has caused you. I'm not asking you to go because she asked. I’m asking you for me because I want you with me. Because… at the end of the night when the clock strikes midnight, the only person that I would want to spend time with is you. Sadly, not my mother nor my father. He's never really cared. My siblings have their own families to hold close at the end of the night.” His look was almost pleasing as he stared down at her. “While the only thing I've had to look forward to the last couple years since I turned twenty-one was getting so drunk I would pass out and not have to deal with all their crap.”

“This was not meant to be more than a business arrangement.” She glanced down at his hand on her arm. “It was never meant to go any further than being roommates. I’m sorry that I over stepped boundaries, forcing you to deal with something you have dealt with fine all these years.”

He exhaled sharply. He was getting annoyed. He wished she could see what he felt inside. Wished she could see inside because he didn’t understand what was going on. He held on to both her arms and wanted to shake her, to rattle her senses a bit, make her understand.

“It was not one-sided, you know? I could’ve said no.” He placed a hand softly on her cheek, almost caressing. “I didn't want to say no.”

She wanted to rub her face against his hand, to snuggle, to cuddle it like a cat, knowing she probably shouldn’t. She found herself leaning into his hand, eyes closed either way.

“Dahlia…” Opening her eyes, she looked up at his face, at the sad look on it. He looked like a small boy waiting on a miracle. “I really wish you'd understand.”

“I really wish you'd understand, too. There are too many things between us. This was never meant to be this way,” she whispered, and she suddenly felt something warm creep down her cheek. Tears. She was crying.

“We don’t have to go.”

“Your mother is your mother. Will never stop being your mother. No matter her crazy ideas, she still cares for you in her own way.” Vision blurry, she felt another tear slip out. “I'm just a passing phase. Life changes, and eventually I will move on, too. I have dreams, aspirations. When I'm gone, when either my career choice or job opportunities take me somewhere else far from here, the ones that will remain are still your family.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Jared…”

“This almost seems like goodbye.” He let her go, turning around, running a hand through his hair. “I was offered a spot at a new location in Nevada. I would have to move there until things settled and I found the doctor I decided would be perfect to take my spot.”

She dropped her hands to her sides, a little confused. A little relieved. This made her decision easier. “They’ve asked me to supervise the Sacramento clinic because Lori’s had a stroke.”

He ran his hand over his face, “I was thinking you could be my supervisor in Nevada. Take you with me.”

“They want me in January earliest.” She hugged herself, feeling suddenly cold.

“I feel like I'm breaking inside a bit. I don’t understand.” He turned to look at her, eyes sad. “I don't like this feeling.” He stretched his hand out to her, hoping. “I've never felt this ...ache... before.”

“It's called a heart.” She squeezed his hand. “It means you’re alive. It means you’re human. It means that everything your parents have tried to tell you you’re not, and everything they have tried to kill and mold according to their likes, is not dead.”

He pulled her closer to him, slowly as if expecting her to run. When she didn’t and faced him, he stared at her as if seeking her thoughts, hoping they'd show on her face. “This is goodbye, isn’t it? When I leave, you’re leaving, too.” He didn’t ask, he stated it like a fact.

“Since the beginning, it wasn’t meant to be.”

He cupped her cheeks and leaned down as she closed her eyes. “You think that, let’s not mold it to be something it's not.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Let's not call it a failure when we've yet to see the end.” Slowly, as if to not scare her, he kissed her lips gently.

She really should’ve walked away. She really should've said no. She should've told him that this was the end. She should've told him that she was carrying his child, this little piece of them both that life had thrown at them. It made her heart hurt to know it was something unplanned, in the midst of uncertain and inopportune situations, where it should’ve been something beautiful, something so loved, so needed.

But you love it already. It's not unwanted.

She wanted to cry, to scream, to run so far away where nobody would know her and she could start over again, be someone different. As his lips pressed down gently upon hers, warm, almost comforting, she felt her tears, hot and angry, slip out.

“I never meant for it to be this way,” she whispered against his lips.

“I didn't think it could be like this,” he whispered back, still holding on to her, he encircled her in his arms. “I've always thought men were fools, the way they talked about women, I get it now.”

She cried out and threw her arms around him, too. Hurting, knowing that once he left for Nevada that was it for her as well. She could see an escape, and planned it as her way to leave. She'd been waiting for the date, two years, to arrive, because when it did, it meant that they were both free. He would be able to fulfill the will that his grandfather had left in his hands, freedom arriving quicker than anticipated. The only part of this whole “business arrangement” was that she would have a place to stay, no rent to pay, and a roof over her head. He would get a companion for business dinners and to show face at family functions. Except, they had not been invited to any family functions since his grandfather had passed. He had simply assumed that Gerard had been the glue for his entire family. Now he was gone, the ties fractured. He had not seen his own siblings since the funeral.

She stood pondering all this, hands around him, when she felt him move. Suddenly, he was carrying her through the living room and out. She glanced up at his face, trying to figure out what he was thinking. She should say something, but she didn’t want to. She held her arms around his neck and held on tight as he started up the stairs with her in his arms.

When they reached the landing of the second floor, her heart skipped a beat. Where they…?

He carried her to his bedroom, stopping at the front door to look at her, as if asking, giving her the option to say no.

She swallowed, her throat tight, unable to speak. She licked her lips, saying nothing. He leaned down and kissed her softly, her answer being that she returned his kiss, arms tight around his neck.

That’s all he needed. He entered the room. 

The room was dark, only illuminated by the glow of the moon coming through Jared's open windows. He walked over to the bedside, leaning down slightly to place her on top of the mattress.

She leaned back on her elbows, scooting backward until she felt the pillows behind her. He stood, staring at her, his breaths sounding through the room, chest rising and falling. Her heart pounding, she touched her hand to her chest. It was like a drum, beating quickly.    

He pulled his shirt over his head, feeling pounding in his ears, wondering if it was the sound of his heart he was feeling, wondering if she could hear it, too. He wanted to know if she was okay with this… she hadn’t pulled away yet. On the contrary, she sat in bed, leaning on her elbows, staring at him from under her long lashes. Her dark hair spread out around her. She was wearing a loose, knee length dress and as she scooted back to sit up straighter, he could see it sliding up her thighs slightly.

He climbed in, laying next to her, trying to go slowly. The last time they had done anything, he hadn’t made it past the living room couch before he'd jumped her. This time, he wanted to take his time...