When I get attached to something I can't just let it go. I become obsessive, it's rather unhealthy and I know I have a problem but I have learned to manage. Or so I tell myself. My obsessive tendencies came out when I was only in grade school. I was in the 2nd grade when I developed a strong attachment to Billy Ranger. It was because he would always stick up for me and pick me to be on his team when we would play kickball on the playground. Well, one day a new girl moved into town and Billy became her friend. I sort flipped out. I was so upset, in my tiny head, it was only okay for Billy to be my friend and no one else's. I would attack that girl during recess, like chase her around and just be mean to her. I would yell at her and do everything in my power to keep her away from Billy. It got to the point where Billy didn't want to be my friend anymore and thought I was weird.

Of course, I couldn't accept that, so I would literally follow him all around and bother him until he would talk to me. It got so bad that the school told my parents that I was unsafe to keep around Billy. I threw tantrums as they moved me into a different class. I refused to do any of my work. It was not a good time for me. Eventually, they had to get one of those special ed helpers to sit with me in all my classes and help me stay on task.

I grew attached to her and sort of missed her when I had to go to middle school. I wasn't in 2nd grade anymore but I still had mini fits. I would refuse to do my work unless Ms. Markam, aka my special helper, came and sat with me. of course, she couldn't because she worked at a different school but I was awful with change. It was then that my parents had to sit down and have a talk with me. They told me if I didn't straighten out that they would have to get me checked out.

They made it sound so bad and taboo that I just forced myself to deal just so I wouldn't have to find out what getting "checked out" meant. In hindsight, they probably should have gotten me help a long time ago, but it's too late now.

In order to deal with my issue, I would purposely only get attached to things I knew were a constant. Tv shows, books, inanimate objects, etc. I was the lonely weird girl no one wanted to chance talking to incase I got attached and stalkerish or something. I didn't blame them it was a very real possibility. Still years of avoiding people and managing my problem in the best way that I could did not prepare me for this one night.

So there I was in a train holding Riff in my arms. A girl whose name I still didn't know, and for all I knew every word from her mouth was a lie. A stranger who made it very clear her goal was to get into my pants. A girl who was homeless, jobless, probably hadn't showered in god knows how long, and to top it all off she was a criminal.

Did any of these facts stop me from getting attached?

Nope.

It was too late already.

She was in my arms and I was not about to let her go anytime soon. I wanted to hold her forever, to take her home with me as if she was some stray cat that could be nursed back to health. I wanted to hear her play me music and tell me more stories. I wanted to make her laugh more so that she would never forget it ever again. I wanted to be her one and only everything. And I know that went from zero to a hundred really fast but I couldn't help it. The only other human interaction I get on the daily is people who come into Fatty's, Heather, and sometimes my parents call and check on me. That's it.

This was different, this was not like those, this was something that felt real. I wanted to get attached to her and maybe she wanted to get attached to me too. Or at least I hope she did.

We laid in the train for a long time, I don't know how long exactly but I just know it was a long time. It took me a good several minutes to realize that the train was moving.

"Riff." I sat up in alarm.

"What?" she looked at me.

"We are moving!"

"I know." She laughed.

"No, we are moving! The train is moving!"

"It is?" she staggered to her feet and walked over to the large opening of the cart.

The wind blew in her face and the scenery passed us by.

"We are!" she laughed.

"Riff! Where are we going?" I got to my feet.

"Who knows, where ever the wind takes us." She stuck out her head and let the wind slap her in the face.

"What if we end up on the other side of the country!"

"Relax, come here," she pulled me close to the edge.

"Riff." I looked down in fear.

"Shh, just feel it, feel the wind in your hair Solo. Hang off the edge, for once live life on the edge," with that she grabbed onto the side of the cart and literally hung off the edge, letting one of her legs dangle over the edge.

I grabbed the other side and looked at her. She nodded in encouragement. Then with her bravery projected onto me, I also hung over the edge.

"Ahh!" I let out a high-pitched scream.

She laughed.

"This is crazy!" I laughed.

"I know! We've have been over this already." She giggled.

"Woo!" I shouted.

"Woooo!" Riff mimicked me.

Having the wind blowing in my hair and my blood pumping I felt alive. In that I moment I understood what Riff was saying before. Anyone could survive, but not everyone can live. At that moment I felt like I was living for the first time in my life.

I was laughing and laughing and laughing some more. Riff was too. We both just couldn't stop laughing. With the high the scenery passed by me in a blur of rainbow. As if we were on the rainbow road in Mario Kart. It was amazing.

Riff let go of the door and walked on the edge over to me. She grabbed on to me just in time as the train went over a bump. I held her tightly and made sure she didn't fall. She smiled up at me and I felt like baby butterflies were flying around my stomach.

"From now on no more sad sappy shit, only happy thoughts!" she declared.

I giggled.

"I mean it Solo, we are on the fucking happy train, so fucking be happy!" she shouted over the wind.

"All Aboard!" I whooped and we fell back into the cart.

She landed on top of me and I held her in my arms as we laughed.

"Shit Solo, you are going to make me bust a gut from laughing so hard."

"Good, may you never forget how to laugh ever again."

"You are something else. I'm glad you have finally decided to live with me in this moment."

"Well, I decided to step up." I looked her in the eyes.

"Really now?" She gave me a devious smirk.

Then I watched her get up and once again move to the edge. I sat up and gave her a look of confusion. She giggled and looked out of the cart.

"What are doing?" I asked.

"Time for departure, step up if you can or this is goodbye from me. so let me see exactly what you got."

With that, she looked out the cart and she jumped off.

"Riff!" I got up.

"Come on Solo!" she called from the ground. She was quickly growing smaller.

I started to panic and looked out the cart. The rainbow road was speeding by fast. I ran to the edge but quickly backed up. All the while Riff was being left behind. I took several deep breaths, and then I ran and I jumped off.

On a side note if I was in my right mind there is no way in hell I would have jumped off a train. Lucky for me I was high which did help deal with the pain of a rough landing. I tucked and rolled down a hill all the way to Riff's feet.

She gave me a round of applause before laying on the ground next to me as I stared wide-eyed at the sky and tried to stop my heart from trying to pound out of my chest.

"Wow, for a moment I didn't think you would." She says.

"You underestimate my determination to really get to know you," I say.

"Or maybe you are starting to come around to my goal. Maybe you are finally ready to get to the best part." She rolled on top of me.

I giggled.

"You didn't deny." She pointed out.

"You got grass in your hair." I picked a piece out.

"Me? you should look at yourself." She ran her fingers through my hair.

"I have no clue where we are." I pointed out.

"Me either, that's what makes it exciting. Come on." She got off me and helped me up.

I dusted myself off and she did the same to herself.

Then she outstretched her hand to me and I took it. Together we began our walk again.