"What did you expect?" he said, when Alistair showed him his results. "You're a genius!"

Alistair started telling him about the red-haired girl and her killer right hook.

"Is it possible? The most soft-hearted boy in Doveport has finally met someone he can't stand?"

"Lance..." Alistair whispered, embarrassed. "I just don't get it! I was trying to be nice and then she just punched me. I don't know what her problem is."

"Women," Lance said with a derisive tone, "It is the purpose of their gender to confuse and abuse us. Never forget how heartless they are, Alistair. When a woman says no, she means 'do the dishes first' and when she says yes, she means 'until I change my mind', and if you don't figure out their secret code they'll get upset and blame you for everything. Don't try to understand what motivates their strange brand of female logic. Better men than us have tried and gone mad in the process."

Alistair watched his teacher scribble away in his notebook, muttering something like, 'that's good, I'll use that somewhere'.

"I thought you liked women," Alistair pointed out.

"That is the curse we bear as men, women make our lives difficult with their contrary ways, but masochism is in our blood. We can't live with them. We absolutely cannot live without them. Of course, you're young, and you don't yet realize what it is about the fairer sex that endears them to us."

"Endear? Girls are useless. They're always giggling in groups and talking about you behind your back or punching you in the stomach and rubbing food in your hair. How can anything about them be 'endearing'?"

"When you're older you'll understand."

"What are you writing?"

"Ah – oh – never you mind." His teacher quickly snapped his book shut and tucked it inside his vest. "Show me that nature manipulation you're working on."