Chad

I was lying on my stained couch watching TV when I got a text from Jacynda asking if I was awake. When I glanced at the time and saw that it was almost midnight, I just knew something was wrong. I sent her a text back asking what was up, only to have her ask me if I was busy. I assumed that she had enjoyed too many glasses of wine and was on the verge of drunk texting me, which I don’t think I’d actually mind, at this point. She hadn’t been gone a day and I already missed her.

When her next text said that she missed me, too, I couldn’t help but smile. And then she topped it off by asking me to come over, which could only mean one of two things this late at night; she was either scared in her new place and didn’t want to sleep alone or she was into me more than I thought and didn’t want to sleep alone. Either way, she didn’t want to sleep alone and had called me to help fill that void. And she’d said to hurry.

It didn’t take me long to get to her condo and, before I realized it, I was already pulling up to the security guard shack. The guard looked at me funny when I told him I was there to see Jacynda, and when he called to her, I realized why—I wasn’t her first visitor of the night. I tried not to think of who else may have been here before me. What mattered was that they were gone and I was here now.

When she opened the door, her beauty hit me like it always does, even with no makeup on. The smell of mint floated around her, not alcohol, so I knew she hadn’t been drinking. Her eyes were red, though, and I could tell she’d been crying.

“So, you okay?” I asked.

She proceeded to tell me about seeing that ghost, again, which I could tell had upset her. It would’ve me, too. I told her we’d do a small house blessing, which seemed to put her at ease. She had admitted to being comfortable here—almost as comfortable as she was at my house, she’d said—so I knew that wasn’t what was wrong. I could tell something was bothering her, though, and I wanted to know what it was.

“Who was here earlier?” I knew it wasn’t any of my business, but I still hoped she’d tell me.

When she told me it was Billy, it became clear why I was here; I was going to be a replacement. It’s like when you finish a great book; you know it’s going to come to an end, but when it actually does, it leaves you feeling empty, so you hurry and start the next book. But to be honest, I didn’t want to be that second book—I wanted to be the first.

“I like you, Chad. I like you a lot.” You’d think hearing her admit it that I’d be ecstatic, but I wasn’t. It actually just confirmed my suspicions—she wanted me to be her Chamber of Secrets.

I let go of her hand, unsure of where I wanted this—us— to go now. “Does this have anything to do with him coming over here tonight?”

When she confirmed that it did, I debated on leaving. The way I felt towards her made me think that just being friends would be impossible. A friendship with her would never be enough—I’d always want more. I’d always want her, all of her, in every way.

“I've not been with anyone, had another boyfriend, or even dated anyone since him.” The fact that he’d hurt her so much that she’d write off all guys made me want to hunt him down and pummel his face. “I've not wanted to... until you.” Until me? “He came over here tonight to try to get me back, and he almost did. But he can't win my heart when someone else has it.”

And that someone was me. That’s what I wanted—needed—to hear. It was at this moment that I knew I loved her. I loved Jacynda more than I’d ever loved another girl, but instead of telling her that, I just smiled and said, “It's about time.”

When my lips met hers, it was as if weeks of sexual frustration were fixing to erupt out of me like a volcano. I pulled back, knowing I’d combust into flames if I didn’t. “You don't know how long I've wanted to do that. That day in the trailer, the first day we met, it took everything I had not to kiss you then.”

“Well, I hope I was worth the wait.”

Oh, I knew she would be. “I don't know; let's see,” I teased.

Heat seared my skin as my tongue slid across hers. She tasted like a sweet mint, which made me want to taste more. Her lips felt better than I’d imagined; smooth and soft, molding to mine like new pillows that I wanted to nestle into and enjoy all night.

Knowing I wouldn’t be able to last much longer, I stood up and led her to her bedroom. I’d only been in her room once, and that was when I’d helped her move and set up her bed. I didn’t realize that when I was imagining us rolling around naked in it that my fantasy would soon become reality.

As my skin pressed against hers, igniting feelings in me I’d not felt in a long time, if ever, I want her to know. I want her to know exactly how I feel about her before I show her. So I lift myself up to look at her, barely able to make out the outline of her face—her body—in the dim light from her clock that sits on the nightstand by the bed.

My stomach churns, as if it’s physically forming the words I’m about to say. “I love you,” I whisper. “From the moment you drank my glass of wine on your back porch, I knew—hoped—it would end up like this.”

“I love you, too. From the moment I killed you and it killed me, I knew.”

I had to laugh at how crazy our relationship had been, so far. Relationship. I liked the sound of that.

“Jacynda.” I love her name. “You’ve always been you. Whether you’re upset or sad, happy or angry, you’re you. I don’t have to guess with you.” I kissed the rise in her cheek, which let me know she was smiling. “It’s easy. We’re easy.”

“I concur,” she replied softly against my lips.

I continued to tell and show her how much she meant to me for the next several hours. Once I tired her out and she fell asleep, I spent the rest of the night holding her, listening to her breathe, sometimes mumbling in her sleep. The thought that this was just the first of many nights that included Jacynda, not just in my life, but in my arms, didn’t lessen my want for this night to last forever.