This had happened a couple of times now. She was the only person I trusted, but to be honest I didn’t love her. At least not in the way that she wanted me to. I should have loved her after everything she gave me. A friend, a place to call home, a person that I didn’t have to hide from. Yet still, that spark just wasn’t there for me. Truthfully, I had probably known it all along. Things like gender had never really held much of a place in my mind before, but my parents’ beliefs had swayed me to believe that firm hand would prevent me from being gay, or however, they believe that works. I was always bisexual regardless of how straight that wanted me to be. Despite how much I wanted my parents to be there for me, I knew in all likelihood that would never come to light. My current habits had already irked them beyond belief. Apparently an eighteen-year-old shouldn’t have a purely physical relationship with his best friend. It’s not like they were reaching out to me with advice. No, all they had to offer were their cynicisms and bitter words.

My mind was away as usual. It had probably checked out the second I had started taking off my shirt. For what we were doing I guess I just assumed that it wasn’t necessary. I let out a low groan as I slid into her my forehead resting on her shoulder as I felt the pleasure wash over me. Why was I still doing this? It never changed anything and worst of all both us were probably going to get hurt in the long run. Given how coarse our friendship had already eroded to it was impossible that this would last forever. Maybe in a way both of us were using this to cope. I could pretend to be okay and she could pretend that I was hers, but the moment never lasted quite long enough.

. . .

“I told you I won’t do that.” I shook my head as I placed my palms against her shoulders pushing her away just hard enough to get my point across, “I’m going to college, I don’t like you in that way, and I really don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. How deep do you intend to get in this?”

“And, I told you…!” She hissed grabbing for my collar as she dragged her face down to mine. It looked like she was about to kiss me before she thought better of it, “After all this are you telling me that you still can’t imagine me as your partner?”

I gently wrapped my fingers around the hand that was attached to my shirt, “I don’t, but even so, Scar… I don’t think I know how to live without you. You’re my best friend, so… Please, don’t make me do this…” I begged knowing that the tears had already made my face a reddened, snotty mess, “Maybe if we just have some time apart…”

“That’s impossible.” She reasoned shaking her head at me bitterly as she let go and turned her back to my trembling all the while, “If you won’t be mine then…” Her words fell away and stomped growling under her breath as though I wasn’t even worth an explanation.

. . .

“Scarlett, what’re you doing here?” I asked as walked into the house wary after our recent argument, “Why are…?”

She had gathered both my parents and my sister in the living room as she smiled relishing in her victory, “I’m just showing you how much you hurt me…” She chortled tossing a head over her shoulder at my family, “I’ve got a secret for you three, don’t you want to hear?”

Grace looked at me curiously as she weaved her fingers together trying to figure out what was going on, “Scarlett, don’t you think you should be heading home?” My sister stepped over to the golden-haired girl, “It seems like you need some time to cool off.

“No!” The younger cried out giving my sister a hard slap, “Do you guys know that Robin thinks that he’s bisexual?” She shouted before Grace could recoil.

“You bi…!” Grace trailed off taking the girl by the wrist and dragging her out the front door, “If you have anything to say to my brother, don’t bother. You’re not welcome back here!”

“Is… is it true?” My father looked at me with hopeful eyes.

I shook my legs giving way beneath me as I fell to the floor hands nestled in my hands, “Yes…” I said softly tears already spilling onto my cheeks as Grace rushed back in placing a tight hold on my shoulders. She was the only one in my family that had known before this, “I’m sorry…”

“You don’t need to apologize!” Grace broke in lowering herself down to hug me, “You’re fine just the way you are…”

“No, he’s not!” My mother barked quickly rising to her feet and pulling my sister off of me, “It seems that all this boy can do is embarrass us. Is that what you want?” She took my face in her hands an overriding expression of disgust drawing out her face, “You better come to your senses soon boy.”