Well, a few days have passed since I got sick and had to stay home from school; the mystery of how I got sick has yet to be solved. Well, somebody had better start confessing or else I'm going to snap a few spines. I don't have time to be sick, not when my perfect school attendance record is on the line.

When I got back to school on Monday, I noticed that only a few students were there. Since everyone was forced to eat school-made lunches on Friday, most of the kids got sick. But they weren't the only ones to get sick, as I noticed that several of the teachers and staff members had gotten sick from the school lunches, along with the cafeteria workers who prepared the lunches.

Well, whoever came up with that dumbassed idea is going to die. (OK, not die, but they're going to pay for that in an accusation of multiple attempted murders of both kids and adults. And if they deny it, they'll be accused of perjury and lying under oath. Food poisoning should be considered a crime, no matter who you were.)

Well, I saw Claire and the twins standing in front the library; they were talking about something that had happened at school last Thursday. Do you remember when I told you how Aaron Galloway had spray painted "CLAIRE EVANS IS A STUPID RETARD" all over the school lockers? Well, Aaron is in big trouble for that deed, as some careless student had left her camcorder in the hall and it recorded him doing that deed. The student council had recently discovered the tape and decided that he wasn't allowed to go on the school trip to Wild Blue Ropes Adventure Park or participate in the eighth grade promotion ceremony.

Well, guess we lost another one to Clatskanie Middle/High School. Good luck making fun of "retarded" people in that school, dude! (I heard some kid there was knifed to death when he made fun of a disabled girl. At the time of this writing, the disabled student has yet to be arrested for the murder.)

Anyway, the student council called for an emergency meeting with the remaining students in the library. The results of that meeting were as follows:

1. Everyone has to wear the official Lochland Middle School t-shirts and blue pants. (Blue jeans are banned and girls aren't allowed to wear skirts.)

2. Homework is to be done on time. Anyone whose work is late or caught copying the answers from another person will be given a 3-day detention.

3. Gossiping and bullying are not allowed.

4. Dating is not allowed at any time. (So much for coupling up!)

5. The school lunch rule is currently being debated due to almost everyone getting the stomach flu.

6. Social isolation (of yourself or another person) is not allowed.

Well, looks like that's all for the rest of my middle school years. Strict rules and mandatory interactions happened because Joanna Norwood decided to change the school without anyone's knowledge or consent.

Speaking of which, I saw her standing in the hall in front of my homeroom, smirking as she ate a Hershey's chocolate bar. I said to her, "What gives?"

"Oh, you mean the school rules?" she said. "Well, I had a chat with your principal and superintendent and they all agreed that we needed to fix the school rules. But since the students at your school refused to listen to the principal, I had some students read the rules instead."

"And then they changed them," I snapped.

"Oh, well, that happens," said Joanna. "You may find the rules too restricting, but in the end, you'll thank me when the entire class graduates from high school with flying colors."

"Like that will ever happen," I snapped.

"It will," said Joanna.

"Yeah, when pigs fly," I snapped at her.

"What are you saying?" she said.

"You think you can just show up here and tell people how to live their lives, like you're some sort of dictator?" I yelled.

"Yes," said Joanna. "But remember this, Jedidiah: you are NOT a democracy. Instead, you are a benevolent dictatorship, and that's how others should see you. Nobody has the right to tell you how to live your life, only God. And His rules are meant to be followed to the letter."

Well, here we go with that notion that God is in charge of the world. We say we believe in God, yet we sit back and allow others to mess up the world. Sounds like human beings are the worst creatures on earth, am I right?

Not so fast.

~~~~~

It's Wednesday now, and almost everything the school is back to normal, as most people who had gotten sick over the past week are back. But I'm growing suspicious over the prolonged absence of Declan Caesar, the only kid in our school who's 17 years old and in the eighth grade. I don't know why his parents don't get on him to actually try to graduate from middle school. For crying out loud, you're not Van Wilder!

Then again, I heard the words "beware the ides of March".

I check today's date and it's March 15. Crap. Something happened in world history to a certain Roman leader who didn't heed that warning. You know what happened to Julius Caesar that day.

Brutus and Cassius (those dumb buffoons) stabbed him in the back at a gathering. You all know what happened after said stabbing.

Anyway, in English class, Mr. Beasley had us watch the "Teen Rebels" and analyze the episode where Josie Stebbins (I refuse to use the name Tremlett-Kahn, as I wondered who the heck would give her a separate surname than her parents), Seth Burke, Moira Downing, and Trixie Kalbrunner go after a kid who had been messing with them. Did that boy seriously NOT learn anything after watching the dreadfully evil Sheila Baines get her due punishment for killing that little boy? Come on now!

Also, I think the kids did a good job teaching him a lesson he won't soon forget.

But when I get home from school, mom tells me she got a phone call from the school. She says due to the fact that everyone got the stomach flu, the school cafeteria had to shut down pending an investigation from the school board. So that means homemade lunches for the rest of the year.

I expected mom to be pleased with the news, as she doesn't like the food in the cafeteria, but she's not cheering. Especially since it means she has to prepare our lunches early in the morning BEFORE we go to school. But Jem says, "Can't Jed and I make our own lunches?"

(OK, five points to Jem for not being a whiny selfish princess. I know she's starting to change her ways, but how long will that last?)

"Maybe," says mom. And that's the end of that problem.

But the mystery of why the Lochland Middle School cafeteria was was attacked isn't over yet; I'm guessing the culprit is a bad guy wearing a mask. It's always a bad guy wearing a mask, is it not? (Either that, or mom lied about watching the Scooby-Doo cartoons when she was a kid.)

Until then, I'm out.