Hi, Miss Mina Taylor, thank you so much for taking the time out to meet with me. Ryan left this note for you, along with these three keys; they belong to safety boxes at three different banks here.
I took them and opened my mouth to thank him. But I couldn’t really find the words to thank him for bringing my dead lover’s stuff to me.
‘Were there even words that made this okay? To me, it felt like there wasn’t... That there would never be words that made everything okay.’
He seemed to sense my inner turmoil and pat my shoulder gently before leaving me alone in his office. It was a testament to how far life had taken me the past two months that I could sit down with only minor discomfort. But once I was in the chair, I held the note with shaking fingers.
Wishing for all the world that I had someone to be with me while I read it. I tried not to focus on the fact that they had told the lawyer to separate the reading of the will, reading once for family and then for me. Months before this The Ross’s and I, we never would have been without each other. Always right by each other’s side, our hands clasped together to get any and all bad news, because back then we were a family who stuck together.
Well... We had been.
I opened the letter feeling this overwhelming sense of pain in my chest. A lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow and my eyes welled with tears seeing his handwriting again.
To the love of my life.
I hope that this comes to you when you are so old that the sun has kissed your skin and given it a healthy glow from the many years with our family. I hope that your face has creased from all the happiness we gave each other, and you have already grown into the woman I knew you would become.
I hope this will never reach you before then. But if it has... If I have left you alone early.
Before I had time to say how much I love you... Before our first baby has been born, or worse if I left you before even telling you how much I want you to be a part of my life forever. It hurts to think of it this way at all.
As a doctor who deals with both regular and traumatic unforeseen deaths, I see every day the after-effects of not saying a word. Of holding in the things on your mind for too long, so I know there is a possibility of this, and I must prepare myself for it.
Yet, I hope that it never comes. That the you that is reading this is looking back at my caution and giggling at my own worries and doubts for the extravagance they are.
I hope I have said all the things I needed to say... that you needed to hear. And that above all else you are happy.
I want you to understand this Mina; I want you to be happy.
I want you to pursue your dreams.
You never wanted to be a nurse, don’t do that job for the rest of your life. You were never meant for a life like this. The job that takes away your possibilities and fills your time so you forget how to live while bringing others a second chance at it.
Please use this as a chance to start over, to live the life you wanted. Be an artist, draw what’s in that beautiful mind... Bring it to life. Go where you want to go.
You always said you wanted to travel the world. That you wanted to live in an exotic country for a short time…
... There was so much you gave up just to be with me.
I have never forgotten.
...Live, my love, love, again. Just be happy!
For me, for your dreams.
But above all for yourself.
I love you.
Ryan
The letter fell from my numb fingers as tears streaked my face. I had tried to hold it in but the love and support hit me. It turned my stomach and made me cry for the beautiful dream he had for us. I cried for the kind gentleman who had noticed everything I desired and ached for me when I let it go without question. Even though they were my own dreams, my own choices, and my own regrets. He had known all along.
He had cared.
And now I would have to live without that man to care for me, or me for him.
I shook, the grief pouring out of me as I clutched the chair my despair gluing me there.
It must have been hours later... Or it could have been minutes. For the time was lost on me, in this warm office, its deep tones of brown and red that caressed me were also dark and timeless. It led to the effect that the entire world had held still while I grieved, in some small way this was a comfort. In this world that had abandoned me so completely, it felt good to have it wait for me.
The only indicator I had that time had truly passed was that the sun had set, its rays barely high enough to touch the back of the armchair I sat in. I knew I must have inconvenienced Mr. Danly the arbitrator very much. But he must have been a kind young gentleman for neither him nor his secretary said a word when I walked my weary, dehydrated body out of their office, and out to where I parked my car.
I stared at the day that was ending, realizing that the words he had said were important. Not just because he had said them himself, not because they had been his wishes. But because he had known and wanted me to be happier, to have a better future than the one my own choices were leading me too.
And he had selflessly given me all of himself so I could one day have that chance.
And now I realized that if I didn’t take this chance it would be an injustice to his memory.
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