“This is all really confusing.” I complained.
“I’ll help you understand it until your memories return to you.”
“Since I’m a spirit, does that mean that I have to cross over to that side?”
“No. You can stay in the human realm since you are used to it. Besides, with this new information, I think it may be possible someone in the spirit realm is after you, so you’re safer here,” Max explained to Felix as he handed him a five pound weight, “here you need to do some more curls.”
“Do I have to?” I griped. “You just said my threat is in the spirit realm of which I am not in.”
“Well, not all guardians are good people. Since my house is on both realms, it would be fairly easy for a bad guardian to find my house then transfer whoever they want to the human realm to attack you.”
“My head hurts.”
“It’s okay. I’ll explain this as much as I need to. Also, there is a spirit I would like to invite over to examine you to see if he can find out why you can’t remember your past.”
“If someone can do that, why didn’t you do that before?”
“There are a lot of complicated rules as a guardian. Since it was unconfirmed if you were a spirit, I was not allowed to inform you of them. Also since you couldn’t know about us, I couldn’t let one inspect you because the spirit, I want to call, will go into your body. To do this, he has to be within a certain distance of you, and you would be able to feel him enter your body. It would be hard to explain all of this to you as a human, so I just wasn’t allowed to do it.”
“When would this other spirit come over? What kind of spirit are they?”
“I’d have to contact him to see when he’s available, and he’s an arrogation demon.”
“That doesn’t sound good. Is he going to take over my body?” I shuddered at the thought of someone taking over my body.
“He could if he wanted, but that’s not what arrogation demons do. They enter your body to find out what is wrong with you and why. They can’t really fix it, but they are needed because an arrogation angel cannot determine the issue but only fix the issue. So the demon will tell the angel the issue, and then the problem can be solved. They are perfect complements to each other.”
“Will it hurt when he goes inside of me?” The idea of someone sharing my body was not sitting well with me. I didn’t know if I wanted this guy to enter my body even if it meant potentially getting my memories back.
“No more than a shot from the doctor.” he answered me while messaging someone on his phone.
“Can your phone reach the spirit world?” I asked, wondering if he was trying to get in touch with the guy he wanted to come look at me.
“No, spirits connect with each other via telepathic methods.”
“Does it work like calling or texting?”
“It works like a voice recording or a voice message. I send a message, and they can hear it in their head. Anyway, food's ready; ready to eat?”
I perked up at the thought of food, “Yes, I’m starving!”
I got up and went to my chair at the table, trying to process all of the new information that Max gave me. It was all hard to understand. The whole spirit thing interested me, and I was curious to know more, but I was also worried about what I would learn about myself.
What if I don't like what I am? Could I handle being a nature demon? It didn’t sound very nice, and even though Max said it wasn’t bad to be one, I still didn’t want to be a demon of any kind. I sat there in my chair and waited for Max to serve me like he always does.
While he placed my plate in front of me, I looked at the dragon tattoo he had on his arm. I was used to seeing it, but I never really thought much about it until that point.
“Why do you have a tattoo?” I asked.
“Well back in my younger days, I was trying to impress this guy that I really wanted to date. He had a lot of tattoos and owned his own tattoo shop. To get his attention, I decided to go in and get one. It didn’t really work and while getting the tattoo I found out he was taken.”
“Does it make you sad when you see the tattoo?”
“Not really. It’s not even the same tattoo anymore. After I gave up on him, I went and had a dragon done on top of it. Originally it was a stupid skull.”
“You need to find yourself a boyfriend.” I announced to him as I put a forkful of food into my mouth. As far as I knew at the time, Max had never been with anyone, and he was a great guy, so he deserved someone special.”
“Why do you say that?” He asked me.
“It’s sad to think you’ve never dated anyone. You’re so great.”
“I never said I didn't date anyone. Just no one ever worked out for me. Besides, you don’t have room to talk right now. It’s possibly you’ve never dated anyone.”
“Well, I’m different. I’m not as cool as you.”
“You don’t know that. You could have been super awesome before you lost your memory. Plus, I think you’re pretty great right now.”
“I know you said you’ve no one really worked out, but have you ever hooked up with someone?”
“I’m not going to talk about that with you.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not something you need to know?”
“But I want to know!” I complained to him, making puppy dog eyes, trying to get him to tell me.
“You don’t have a right to know. That information is reserved for the people I’m dating.”
“We could be dating.” I blurted out. I quickly covered my mouth and blushed as I realized what I said.
Max laughed at me and tears began to roll down his eyes. “If you’re serious about that, I could court you. However, I know you well enough to know you didn’t think before saying that.”
I looked at him filled with enormous embarrassment. Max wouldn’t be a bad guy to date, but I had never actually thought about being with him. Then, I realized what he said to me, “Wait! You’d court me? Why?”
He looked at me, “You’re cute and funny. However, I don’t know how well we’d work out because you don't know your past life, and there could be something there that would make you not want to be with me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe you had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and when you regain your memories you might not want to be in a relationship with me. You may also have a crush on someone else that you don’t remember.”
As Maxed explained this to me, it sounded like he had a lot of insecurities about himself. It sounded as if he was saying he wasn’t good enough for me. “You shouldn’t underestimate yourself so much.”
“Do you really want to date me?” He asked me sheepishly.
“I never really thought about it before, but I’d be lucky if you did. Plus, we kind of already do couple things anyway.”
“I guess you’re right.” He laughed, “but it’s up to you if you want to date or not.”
“What about you? How do you feel about me?”
“I’ve never put much thought about you in a romantic way, but people date to see their compatibility as partners all the time.”
An awkward silence followed as we continued to eat our food. “This is a bit awkward now.” I commented as I took my plate to the sink.
“It doesn’t have to be. You can just forget the conversation.” He suggested to me.
“What? Like I just did with that meeting or my whole fucking past. I don’t want to forget anything. Besides, wouldn’t that be rude?”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you, and I wouldn’t think it rude. It’s easy to forget small conversations anyway.”
I left the dining room area and grabbed things for a shower. I got into the shower and thought about the conversation I had with Max. Max wasn’t bad looking. I’ve spent plenty of time admiring his body, and he had a great personality. But what would happen if we dated? Would things be just like they are now? Would things become awkward? Would we end up hurting each other? What kind of things would happen between us? Was Max a virgin? Would he want to have sex with me?
After thinking of the last question, I pictured Max naked in the shower with me. I’d seen his body several times as I lived with him, and he had little modesty.
My body told me that Max would be the gentle type as he entered the shower and let his hands slowly run over my body. He would softly lick my neck so that I could feel his fat, warm tongue. I thought of this as I showered and realized that I had gotten an erection. I was a little embarrassed. What would Max think, if he knew I got hard over him?
I decided to finish what I started and continued to imagine Max in the shower with me. After he’d lick my neck, I imagined he would let his hands slide down my torso to my stiff shaft. He’d tease me a little by slowly circling his finger around the rim of my head. I’d have to beg him to help me, and he’d answer my plea by jacking me off while he slowly grinded against me. This was not the first time I had masturated to the thought of Max, but it still didn’t make it any less embarrassing.
It didn’t take me long to get off, but it had also been awhile since I touched myself like that. Up until that point, I never thought about my sexuality despite masturbaring to the thought of a man. Was I gay or was it just my situation? I wasn’t really sure, and I could have been bi.
WIthout my memories, I had no way of knowing. I finished washing my body, and left the bathroom. My head was muddled with all sorts of feelings and thoughts. All this new information was making me really sleepy, so I slipped on a pair of underwear and climbed into the bed. I quickly slipped away into dream world without realizing it.
I was sitting on a grassy hill near a peaceful river. I began to look around me. When I looked one way, deer were grazing just feet away from me. I could have leaned over and pet one, so I did. The deer didn’t budge at all; it just ignored me as if I didn’t bother it all. I corrected my posture and looked the other way.
I didn’t notice him before, but there was a man sitting right beside me. I looked at him startled. He was familiar, yet I had no clue who he was. He looked me straight in the eyes with a soft smile. His eyes were a beautiful hazel color. As I looked at them, I saw both happiness and pain in them.
“Who are you?” I asked, wanting to feed my curiosity.
The man shook his head, causing his shoulder length hair to fall in his face. He moved the strands back behind his ears and gave me a verbal response, “You do not need to know who I am.”
I changed my sitting position to face him with my body, “Why not? I know you! I just don’t know how or from where.”
He looked away from me and looked up towards the sky, “You used to know me, but it’s important that you don’t know who I am now.”
“Why?”
“You’re in grave danger, Felix, or at least you were. You could still be in danger, but I’m working on things now so that there will be no danger to you. I took your memories so that you could get away and live. You need to stop trying to get your past back. I need you to forget everything that guardian told you about spirits.”
“But I want to know what happened. It hurts not knowing what happened to me. And how did you take my memories? Are you an arrogation demon?”
“Having your memories would hurt you even more. You don’t want them I promise. What I am is not important. When you wake up you’re not going to remember this conversation anyway.”
“Why not!” I demanded from him. “I don’t want to forget anything, again.”
“When you wake up, this will all just have been a dream to you. You might remember this hill and that I was here, but you won’t be able to remember our conversation.”
“If I won’t remember anything, why won’t you at least give me the answers I want.”
“It’s complicated. I just want you to be happy. I fucked up by calling you to that tree. I just really needed to feel your energy again. I’m going to have to reconsider the location in which I have hid my body due to that.”
“What tree?”
“The tree I died next to, trying to save your life.”
“You’re dead?”
“Not exactly, but yes, I am. I sacrificed myself after placing you into the human realm. Don’t let my death be in vain. When you wake up, you’re going to forget everything again, but I want you to remember that it’s important that you don’t remember your past.”
“How will I remember that part if you’re going to take all my memories?”
“I’ll leave it there. You’ll be waking up soon.” He sighed.
“But I haven’t been here that long.”
“Dreams are going by faster than you realize. I’m going to miss you. Before you leave, can I have a kiss?”
“A kiss. Why?” I asked, shocked.
“Because I love you.” he said as he kissed me.
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