‘I got up at 5’o clock in evening, and I was like ‘damn! I’ve asked her to come and fucking sleeping ,can’t believe this, I’m such an asshole,’ I finally got ready in an hour an half, I was in formals, left the house, I drove myself to Sunshine’s and was in room, like for before an hour and practised that what conversation would we have, like thousands times ,I was all ready and then door got knocked, I got up and she was on the door ,looking really cute, adorable, I just wished to kiss her all the way to bed, but not with a bad intention. She was totally a pure soul. I had this feeling that she loved me ,but I didn’t knew what was stopping her. She was in a red top, was looking fabulous and I was just staring at her, like for a minute, holding the door one fourth open and then she snapped in front of my eyes and said,
“Hey, won’t let me in?”
And then I said,” Oh! Oh! I’m sorry.”
“ It’s totally fine.” She walked straight and sat on the bed and said” So, here am I…… say whatever you wanted to.”
I headed towards her, sat beside and said” Martha, I love you ,I really love you,and I miss my family too. I respect your choice, but it’s not easy, not at all, I feel like, like, finishing myself up and you know I… I’m dying everyday!”
“Hey! Hey! Look Jamey, it’s not easy though”
“Shut up.”
“What?!”
“Just be silent!I.. am disturbed, can I get a hug?” there was no response for a minute, she was still, I shook her and said,
“ hey, you okay?” she jumped and said
“Yeah, Yeah, I’m totally okay.”
“ Okay, so can we?”
“ What?”
“Hug?”
“ Yeah ,I guess.”
I stood, got her close, I was gradually able to hear her heartbeat going faster, so was mine ,I didn’t got my hand on her waist, so as not to discomfort her, even she was going with the flow, we both totally were lost into it. I got my head lil’ back and slowly touched my nose with her’s and then foreheads met, I headed for a kiss, even she headed, we got closer and closer, my lips touched her’s and then, we finally kissed! Man, that feeling, it was amazing, that was the last day I saw her, we like kissed for 5 seconds and after that, she got herself out of it and ungripped herself from me saying,
“I cant do this ,like ,hey! We cannot ,we won’t work! Like, like, ‘this’ won’t work, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”
“And that’s what your final decision is?”
“Well, for now, yes! I’m extremely sorry”
“So you want to leave?”
“ Ummmmm……. Yes!”
“Okay, before that….” I took a marker and a piece of paper and “…let me ask you a thing”
“What?”
“ Knock, knock.”
“What?!”
“Just do it. Knock, knock”
“Who’s there?”
I got my hand to my back took something out and said
“Death.”
And shot myself, she just got wrecked up, she got still at her position without any expression, a tear drop slowly came out of her eyes, she headed towards me, sat on bed, saw me , she didn’t had any expression, She was scared, she got her heartbeat stopped. Well, hey, are you all wondering, that if I am dead, who is narrating the story? Ah! Man, that’s what this story is about, that how am I narrating this story. The story is to begin, tighten your heart and have control over your brain, cause you don’t know, when you fall in love and you never know, what people can do when guilts hits them, well did I mentioned, she was short, used to do kiddish stuff, so,you know, she was as cute as a baby, I am sorry again, you know, I can never stop talking about her ,even when I am dead…….’
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