Emmett had lost count. Not cause they'd done it so many times, really, but because it was hard to determine what divided the first time from the second, or even the third from the fourth. Whatever it was called it seemed like Edan was finally losing the fight.

Emmett was lying back against the pillows now and Edan was draped on top of him with his head pillowed upon Emmett's chest. Edan had been laying more of those sweet kisses but as soon as Emmett had started running his fingers through the man's hair those had slowed until they'd stopped altogether. The only thing he was giving out now was the light tickle of breath on Emmett’s skin.

It was just a little disappointing.

Emmett had trouble sleeping at night. His thoughts turned grim with the darkness, they always had. Darkness was for monsters and doubts. He should have been exhausted, but here he was staring into the shadowy corners of the room and wondering what was staring back.

He lit a cigarette.

It probably wasn't a smoking room by there was a glass on the side table to use as an ashtray and he really needed a smoke. He kept waiting for the alarm to blare or the sprinklers to turn on but nothing happened.

A relief.

Maybe.

Actually, Emmett would have preferred if the alarm had sounded and all of the people had to stumble outside bleary eyed and confused. The world wouldn't feel so quiet and empty then. He wouldn't feel so alone.

Needy bastard. He thought to himself. You've got someone right there.

He pulled in another drag of smoke, blew it slowly up towards the ceiling. The alarm still didn't go off.

He reached down to pinch Edan by the cheek, pulling hard. The guy snapped to some form of wakeful attention, pushing himself up onto an elbow and away from Emmett. It seemed to take a second for him to recognize Emmett even though he hadn’t been asleep long. Maybe he was already dreaming.

“Jesus. What was that for?” He looked bitter as he massaged his reddened cheek.

"I can't sleep." Emmett dropped the remainder of the cigarette in the glass, rolled over to straddle the guy's waist.

Edan cast a weary look up at Emmett. "You can't expect me to do this all night."

"You don't have to do anything. I'm a big boy. I know how to take care of myself."

Edan gave the barest dry laugh. Emmett took it as his invitation. As much as Edan had complained it didn't take that much grinding to wake up his dick.

—

A cacophony. So many people already. There was no telling what any one person was saying from a distance. Emmett amused himself in thinking of the terrible secrets he might overhear if he was close enough.

The venue was impressive even in it's half set up state. Despite his inexperience Emmett was surprised he hadn't heard about the event. Probably because he was a nobody and his agency had already tried and failed to get him in themselves.

Wouldn't they be surprised that'd he'd weaseled his way in here? Or maybe this is what they considered networking, minus the fucking, of course.

It had gone as Edan had said. A quick conversation and a brisk demonstration of his walk in heels and he was in.

Backstage continued to fill with more people. Hair and makeup was getting to work, forcing all of the faces to look as alike as possible. Shouldn't they all just go out in rubber masks at that point? Pretend it was Halloween?

Emmett leaned against the wall near an open doorway. All of the seats were already taken. He drummed his fingers unheard against the wall. He really wanted a cigarette.

"You doing alright?"

The words were whispered in his ear and a quick glance found Edan peeking through the doorway. Emmett was comforted when he felt the other's hand settle on his waist.

"As alright as can be expected in this madhouse."

He wanted to kiss Edan almost as much as he wanted that cigarette. The makeup would probably end up ruined if he did. A glance showed that Edan had already been done up, but different. More subtle, less feminine.

He wasn’t really surprised. Disappointed, maybe. Emmett would never have considered his own face to be very feminine but it was becoming apparent that designers would rather make it so than try to pass off his slim build as masculine. The makeup was telling enough but he thought he’d also spotted a gown or two mixed in with the clothes he was meant to try on during fitting.

Edan took his hand, squeezing it. Emmett held it back harder but Edan unfortunately didn't tighten his grip further. “It’s kinda good and bad for your first runway to be such a big event. Big enough that no one should remember any mistakes you made but also so big that you might not get a chance to stand out.’

If Edan had been trying to quell Emmett’s worries he’d completely missed the mark. He straightened his back against the wall, letting himself stand those few inches taller than Edan. “I always stand out.”

Edan chuckled. “I’m beginning to see that.”

The wail of a megaphone cut off any further conversation. A murmur was still buzzing through the crowd as the person announced the start of fitting and called forward the first group to be subjected to it. Edan was one of them and he dropped a quick kiss on Emmett’s jaw before he made his way to the far side of the room. A real kiss would’ve been more satisfying.

That urge for a cigarette returned in full force. Emmett made his way to the restrooms. The closest ones were a couple of co-ed family rooms. He tried both doors but found them locked. It was too far of a walk to reach a door to the outside. He hoped someone would come out before his name was called for fitting.

Emmett was only forced to sit through a couple minutes of anxiety before a door opened. It was one of the female models. She gave him a look he couldn’t quite read as she brushed by him. It didn’t matter. She was out of his way now.

The smell once he had closed himself into the bathroom gave him pause. Something sour and foul. He looked to the toilet with suspicion. Everyone knew of the rumors. Eating disorders ran rampant in the modeling world. Maybe he’d just had his first encounter. He set the vent blowing and lit up a cigarette. The smell of smoke was definitely better than that of puke.