All day the feelings, memories and attractiveness played over and over in my head as if we were still here, in the kitchen. What would have happened if I let him continue? If he didn’t drink? If he just would have gone to bed without coming in and bothering me? Would he have said I smelled sweet if he wasn’t intoxicated? How do I smell sweet? I don’t do anything special in the morning besides shower, wash my hair and get dressed. No reason to.

I jerked from my thinking when I heard the bowl fall on the floor and a small laugh. I turned from the sink and looked at Alora. She was covered in oatmeal, milk and banana. I smiled over at her and went over to her high chair. I lifted her from the chair as her hands landed on my blouse making it dirty. I shook my head left to right and went to leave the kitchen and bumped right into Edward. He steadied me for a moment as it caught me off balance. I looked up at his green eyes. His lean tan hands on my shoulders as he looked down at me. His eyes sparkled for a moment as we stood inches from each other. Time seemed to have stopped as he was looking down at me, his smile only reaching one side of his face showing the little dimple that was located on his right cheek.

“Edward! I-I didn’t realize you were still home.”

“Yes… I… had a bit of a problem getting up.” I nodded lightly as Alora went to reach for his tie. I backed up a little so her banana hands couldn’t get it dirty.

“Will you be working late then?” I asked low and just as husky as he did last night. No expression fell on his face as he was thinking.

“No, make dinner for you, me, Hillary and Alora just as we talked about last night.”

“Yes, sir. Same time as always?”

“Yes.”

“There is coffee if you’d like and your carry mug… on the refrigerator.”

“Thank you.” His voice dropped every time he talked just as mine did. Alora went from reaching for his tie to the thumb in her mouth. I bounced her once on my hip where she sat. Her head went to my shoulders as if she had sensed our sudden discomfort or at least mine.

“Try to have a good day. I have to give Alora her morning bath and clean up her mess. We will see you after work. Was there anything special that Hillary likes?” He stared at me letting his hands drop finally as he thought about it.

“I.. have no idea. I’ll call you if I find out other then that just make whatever.” I nodded and walked past him. His green eyes watching me walk off as I felt the tears forming in my eyes. I sat Alora on the floor in the bathroom as she crawled next to me kneeling next to the tub to run water. She suddenly reached up and grasped my sleeve. I looked down at her bright curious eyes as she looked at me.

“Ma K?” I stared at her. She was only a year old. She shouldn’t be learning about adults feelings or emotions. She was just learning to talk so how would she understand to ask if I was OK. I picked her up and started to undress her.

“Yeah… I’m OK, sweet heart. Thank you for asking though.” She swung her arms around my neck as if she knew I wasn’t really OK. I am going to loose all this because of something Edward wants. Or so he thinks he wants. I placed her in the tub and she started playing with the bubbles as if the convo we just had never happened.

Our day went by slowly as my thought process wasn’t up to its normal activities. She played in her play pen as I started to make dinner at four o clock. Soon her little head was laying down and she was sleeping. The roast in the oven at a low temperature all day. Edward never called but it wasn’t like I didn’t know what the girl liked. She was too picky for her own good so I knew nothing I made would make her happy. There for it didn't matter. I heard the chime of the alarm the same time Alora woke from her nap. Edward came in and she reached her arms for him. He picked her up and looked at me.

“I’m going to take Alora to meet Hillary.”

“Go right a head.” I said not looking at him opening the oven. He didn’t leave right away as I checked the meat, carrots, and potato.

“Is… something wrong, Jaq?”

“No.” I stated knowing there was tons of things wrong with this set up. He didn’t say anything else but hesitantly left the room. I went around the kitchen cleaning up some of the mess that I had made. I folded the play pen and set it back into the kitchen closet. I went into the dinning room and set up two plates and Alora’s high chair. I was not going to sit around and listen or meet this girl. I had no reason to. I started placing the plates, cups and silverware on the table and high chair, then the covered bowls of food in the middle of the table so that it would be easier for Edward to get. I went back into the kitchen and cleaned everything else. Edward entered the kitchen again and I looked up at him.

“Is everything ready.”

“It’s all set up in the dinning room. I’ll just be in my room. If you want me to put Alora to bed… then call me.” I went to leave when he grabbed my elbow gently twisting me to look up at his clear eyes. I could smell the after shave and cologne he wore. Not strong but also alluring. No doubt to attract his new interest.

“Your coming too.” He said low so that only I could hear him if we were in a crowded room. I shook me head, my lips parted breathing heavily from being so close to him. Even the gentle touch of his hand on my elbow was sending fire down my arm to areas that wasn’t normal for me to feel hot.

“I… cant.”

“I know you don’t have anything else planned. Just… meet her and tell me what you think.”

“I don’t like her. She stuck up, money hungry and no matter what you say or do nothing is going to satisfy her. She is not a child person. She’s an only child that wants your company. Why else would her father let her do this because in marriage eventually your businesses will become hers specially if anything was to happen to you.” He looked angry now. His face had turned a light scarlet color. His grip tightened but I didn’t let it known that it bothered me.

“She’s not for me. She’s here to replace you.” I could have taken that wrong. Really I could have but not the tone of voice. Not the angry squeeze of my arm as he did mean that. Replace me. I knew I had to have done something wrong. I felt the tears return as what he said hit home. He didn’t want me here. My heart hit my feet making them heavy, along with my eyes now falling tears. His eyes turned a troubled dark green as he let me go. “Jaq… that… wait!” I fled from the room going into mine and closing the door. I leaned against the door, sliding down it hugging my knees to my chest and cried my heart out into my black cotton pants.

Around eight o’clock I ventured out of my room. I heard them in the den talking and discussing things. Alora was playing with her blocks between the sofa’s as Hillary, who was blonde, thin, tall and attractive to the tip of her round curved nose to her silver plated sandals. Her cream colored business attire left nothing to the imagination. Edward sat on the other sofa his black covered left leg bent, his ankle on his other knee. His elbow on the arm of the couch, his green eyes looking at her as he was nodding to what she was saying. I slipped into the dinning room as the dinnerware was still set out. I started to clear it. There was nothing left so it made it easy to clear. All I had to do was put it in the dishwasher and run it. So… I did it. Even though I knew I wasn’t welcomed here anymore if he went through his wife plans. After running the dishwasher I went and knocked on the den door before entering.

“Mr. McKnight, would you like me to put Alora to bed. It is time for her bath and story.” He had jumped at my voice and looked at me. Amber eyes from the other couch looked up at me. She scanned my form as she sneered. Her tanned legs crossed at the knees. Her finger tips were manicured and the ugliest color red that didn’t go with her blonde hair or light complexion. “If you want me to wait.. I can.”

“No, she can go to bed. No need to take her off her scheduled.” I nodded and picked Alora up as she reached for me. I nodded to the both of them and left. His green eyes went from watching me leave the room to the amber eyes across from him. I heard her say something then him laugh then said something low… not husky like he had been talking to me but low so they could only hear. I bathed Alora but she didn’t look happy. Her once content cheery spirit lacked enthusiasm as I dressed her and read her a story. It made my heart bleed to see her spirit so low. I placed her in her crib, covering her with her favorite blanket, turned her night light on and turned the over head light off.

“Ma?!” She exclaimed as if she was scared. I turned to her and she was standing holding unto the crib. She looked tired as she normally did but also worried. She reached out for me. I walked over and picked her up. “Ma no.” She laid her head down on my shoulder. I rubbed her back and went to the rocker chair I use to rock her in. I hummed to her as I rocked back and forth. I fell a sleep also from crying so much earlier.

It wasn’t long I was going in and out of sleep. I came around hearing the chime on the front door. I stood looking at the clock. It was nearly midnight as I laid the sleeping infant in her crib. I ran my hand on her small head, her red hair sprawled around her as she slept. I turned and left the room going into the den seeing the coffee pot and cups. I took the tray back into the kitchen. I hand washed them so the dishwasher wouldn’t ruin them and placed them back in the china cabinet in the kitchen. I un loaded the washer as I heard the kitchen door swing open. I didn’t look but continued to put dishes away.

“Anything you need?” I asked not stopping what I was doing. He stood still by the door blocking my way out anyways as I continued to clean.

“She’s moving in tomorrow morning to… get use to us.”

“You mean you and Alora.”

“Yes. Nothing is final but I am sure she can be a good mother.” I nodded feeling the tear well up again but refused to let him know it bothered me.

“So, I am not needed anymore?” I closed the dishwasher wiping out the coffee pot placing it back against the wall.

“No.” His voice was so calm. So collect. So… unemotional.

“So, what time tomorrow will she be here?”

“Nine O Clock.”

“Would you be OK with her tonight then?” I looked out the window above the kitchen sink. The moon was full and beautiful against the flowers and bird bath in the back yard. The glider slightly swaying with the evening breeze. He shifted as he leaned against the counter not far from me, his arms crossed, his ankles crossed as he watched me.

“I should be.” I gripped the edge of the sink, closed my eyes for a moment. The memory of Alora knowing what was going to happen hitting my heart like a bull dozer to a brick wall.

“So I am no longer needed.”

“Jaq…” He went to walk towards me when I moved away from the counter and shook my head at him.

“Just answer the question.” I said between gritted teeth not wanting to cry. I cant cry. I cant let him know how much this is killing me inside. How much I loved Alora. How much I loved….. him? I took a risk at his eyes. Those beautiful clear greens of his that was always so hard to look away from. Always so full of life and happiness no matter what had happened with his first wife. They looked sad almost confused.

“No… but…”

“Alright.” I moved towards him as he stood in one spot. I lightly kissed his cheek getting one last memory of his scent to embed into my memory. “Thank you, Edward. You gave me a place to belong as long as you were able to.” I left the kitchen as he had slumped against the kitchen sink. His hand going over his face as I heard him moan and slam the counter with his fist. I went into my bedroom and found my old cloths. I put those on leaving the room. I made it to the front door.

“Jaq… wait!” He came running over to me just as my hand was on the door knob. He looked me up and down as I turned to his distress call. He stood a few feet from me. The lighting as low as it could go since it was on a time scheduled. “If you want… stay and leave tomorrow or even a few more weeks. Get Hillary use to Alora and Alora use to her.” I shook my head.

“I cant do it, Edward. I’m not going to bring myself to. I am pleased to have stayed as long as I have. Thank you again.” I opened the door and as the newly winter air hit me, it brought back what not having a home was like. I closed the door lightly behind me and as I walked down the path down the street I turned around taking a last look at the house that I once called home. Felt like home. Felt like I finally found my place. Felt like… it was mine. I turned, tears streaming down my face as I walked in the cold winter air.