When all I’ve been doing is to observe

All my life looking from another perspective

Not letting anyone in,

keeping myself out in the cold.

Uninvolved, I desire nothing

I was contented looking at other people

Despairing, crying, sometimes blissful

The never ending days of stagnancy

Moving forward but not moving to the future

Learned things simply from observation

Dealing things like I don't care at all

Experiencing but unlearning.

When things are lost, do I lose them?

Are they mine to begin with?

When all I thought was how I don’t deserve it.

Hypocrite, that’s what I am.

I have been a coward all my life

Stubbornly clinging to things that does not exist

I carry none, I have no possession

I am nothing but an empty vessel.

I felt it, but it wasn’t mine.

I saw it, but it wasn’t for me.

I don’t own a thing.

This is not my world.

I am not special,

and neither is anyone.

Who actually listens to my somber cries at night?

Or maybe I wasn’t that important?

I just kept silent.

For I know I am just a bother.

Even if I’m broken inside I still smile.

As to not let people know of my useless existence.

I screamed so loud it resonated,

But no one noticed.

I was crying and broken.

What is the purpose of my life?

It sounded so loud but still fell on deaf ears.

The breaking glass is the breaking of my heart.

Sometimes all I need is consolation,

and appreciation of my existence.

I know a lot of people hate depressing things

And I don't blame them,

I hate it too,

And guess what? I hate myself too.

"There is no darkness but ignorance." -William Shakespeare