I can’t just tell you what I think

Because I can’t trust you

And that's not your fault

The reason is the words that built up on me

The words have been built by people I thought I could trust

Parents, Teachers, counselors

but whenever I finally told them they blamed me

They blamed me for my feelings

So at some point I started blaming myself as well

I told myself that it was my fault for the screams

I told myself it was my fault for him to leave those scars on me

I told myself it was my fault I couldn’t do everything

I used to say that it was my fault the switch in the dining room exists

I used to say it’s my fault that my friends would leave me

But now I realize that was the problem

And I can’t tell you these words

because the words made me not trust any adults

Because they sell my secrets to make them seem better

But at least I can write poems about it

I can write poems about how I am scared of my brother

I can tell you poems of how I’m not a boy or girl but just me

I can show you poems about how my mother's cancer wasn’t what made me like this

How it wasn’t that I got less attention but how I wish I got less attention

Because that would at least say that I got more attention before she was sick

I can’t tell you my words but I can show you through my art

Because this is easier for me to write poems than to speak

And I can get words off my chest like this

I can say what I want without tripping over my words

So Even though I can’t tell you

I can read you this