Part 1 Life

Chapter 3 Regrets

Ari, 11:23, May 20, 3048, Sunday

Ocean is quiet today. A light breeze is touching my skin. Roku is energetic as always, running around us.

I'm smiling. It’s nice to walk next to Toma in silence. I believe in true friendship silence has equal comfort to chatting.

T: - Ari, em..

A: - Yeah

T: - Do you have any regrets?

A: - No. But… maybe I just convinced myself this way and brushed off something. I’ll give it more thought.

T: - …

Come to think of it, Toma seems a bit down recently and now this question. Is something bothering him?

A: - Regrets, huh.

T: - …

A: - You know, I was fascinated once I’ve read about pre-timeconscious times. The idea of dying any moment sounded scary and thrilling.

T: - …

A: - That is where I picked up ‘treasure any moment’ idea and ‘no regrets if I die here and now’. But in reality, not all moments appeared to be equal and valuable. And there are events beyond my control.

T: - …

A: - I believe I did my best where I could. And if I was given second life I would probably do exactly the same. Yet… if I look closer I feel like I'm missing something.

T: - …

A: - Like Jane. In years we were together longer then I lived on my own. It would be nice die together, and not 3 years apart.

T: - …

A: - Maybe it would be better to raise kids, but we didn’t. I know we couldn't, but maybe we should've adopted.

T: - …

A: - I miss her. Badly.

Do I regret 3 years of loneliness? Somehow it seems so. Maybe I should have tried to fall once more. Should I try dating a Nameless? Someone, who never introduce themselves and therefore conceal their death. Now I get it, usually people do not date someone dying in a month. Whatever, it’s not worth the hassle. I know I’ll not be satisfied unless we connect deeply – and that is not happening overnight.

A: - … don’t know what else. It’s your turn now.

T: - ...

A: - I’ll not be here to ask in a year, so… have you anything on your mind?

T: - Maybe. Not sure where to start.

A: - Take your time.

T: - … I feel like I don’t have any energy anymore.

A: - ...

T: - I keep postponing everything.

A: - ...

T: - And I feel like losing chances and yet I can’t help it.

A: - That’s though. Are you tired, or maybe did you burn out?

T: - It’s somehow beyond that.

A: - ...

T: - I feel helpless and I’m afraid regrets will pile up during this year.

A: - Sorry for this, but have you done a health check?

T: - No, it’s one of the things on my list.

A: - Delayed?

T: - Yeah.

A: - Do you want to talk your regrets through?

T: - No, not really. They more seem to be consequences then reason.

A: - Your choice. I’m all ears, if you change your mind.

T: - I know, thanks. This much was helpful. You haven’t freaked out and switched the topic.

A: - Why would I?

T: - Right, sorry, I just… I know you not...

A: - I understand. Did you have a fight?

T: - Sort of. Tension is building up, but we never find time to talk it trough.

A: - I see and your state is probably making it worse.

T: - Yeah.

A: - Shit. That’s bad.

T: - I know. Heh, we’ll sort it out.

A: - No doubts. But I wish I could’ve stayed longer to cheer you on.

T: - Oh, come on. I don’t want to become one of your regrets. Cut it out.

A: - Ok, ok.

End of part 1