r/offmychest

u/jazcarter

My roommate is very open

All my life I have always kept my feeling in. I just felt they were unnecessary and just felt like a burden. Some people’s problems are worse than mine. Also, I always seem to have the same problems. They always seem to be about the same girl and how she always caused me sadness. She didn’t cause me sadness, it was al my fault. Yesterday, my roommate was very open about herself, her sexuality and stuff like that. Just about herself and I can’t help but think how I wish I could do that. How I wish I could tell her about things that I hold in without feeling like a whiny bitch. Like all I do is whine and stuff when I have good things in my life, but the bad things are just so bad.

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“I feel like talking about this is just so annoying and stupid. I feel like I should just stop talking about her and just forget about it. That’s the best way of getting over her and whatever.” Jazmine said. “I’m sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring your question.”

“It’s cool Jaz, but holding it in isn’t going to make you feel better about the situation. Along with letting go is in accepting what happened and being able to leave it in the past. Just ignoring it, isn’t part of letting go, it’s pushing it down. One day, it would overflow and it is going to be too much for you to handle. Who knows what that would result in.” Ryan responded with.

Jazmine nodded and felt very comfortable with Ryan for some reason. Even comfortable with telling her what made her sad, but to do that she would have to tell her what happened in the past. Which she did.

She told her about this girl from high school that she liked. How she wanted to be with her from the moment she saw her. Was it love at first sight, she doesn’t believe in it. This happened in her freshman year of high school. She got her number from a friend and texted her. After a few messages exchanged, she didn’t reply to Jazmine. Jazmine didn’t let that stop her, she still texted her and the girl replied. Then she would eventually stop. So Jazmine made a fake account knowing she would reply to this stranger and her crush did. This is when she found out that her crush was in a relationship. She felt bad and told her crush it was Jazmine on the fake account.

She then vowed to never lie to this girl again. The girl said she forgave Jazmine and they went back to texting each other. In their sophomore year in high school, the girl stopped texting Jazmine all together. Then Jazmine went full-on apeshit. She would text her constantly, not every day, but the messages were full-on essays. Telling her crush how she likes her and how much she was sorry about everything. Jazmine would cry every time she texted her crush and didn’t get a response. Jazmine finally quit and decided that what she was doing, harassing her crush, and that she should stop. Not only was this causing her crush pain, but her as well. She couldn’t blame anyone for it but herself. She deleted her number and just stopped texting her. Jazmine always wondered if she ever noticed, but she always told herself, “if she did notice, she was probably relieved.”

At the time she sent those messages, Jazmine didn’t realize that her crush didn’t want anything to do with her. Jazmine just thought she didn’t respond to her text messages. For some reason, Jazmine always seemed to forget that her crush didn’t respond to her messages when it came to sending a new text or dm or snap.

In her junior year, Jazmine didn’t text her but sent a few messages her way. She snapped her happy birthday, no response. She blocked her. Then she asked a question for class, no response so she blocked her. Then she responded to an ig story, no response, so she blocked her for the last time. Also, in her junior year, she thought she lost all feeling for her. In Jazmine’s senior year, she didn’t text, snap, or dm her crush.

“Oh wow, that’s a lot. All four years, you had these feelings for this girl, you were never with? Wow, couldn’t be me.

So what happened next to make you so sad?” Ryan blurted.

“I told her that I loved her,” Jazmine responded.