I didn’t want to leave my apartment for multiple reasons.

One, as I’m sure you’re no doubt aware: The last time I did I met what I now like to call “The Wendy’s Cashier from SR388”.

Two, I could see things that looked like people walking around from my window. Even from the distance I was looking at them from I could tell they didn’t look… right, I think I saw what looked like a rubber human suit dripping piss all over the sidewalk as it limped.

Three, was that I was getting calls from the boss at my assignment, asking how a miserable no-life fuck like me could have something more important than earning a pitiful amount of cash. I had called the Wendy’s earlier that day, asking someone to look in the driveway. They said they only saw a stray cat, which they oogled at for several minutes before hanging up. Nothing on the internet regarding what happened, and for all intents and purposes, I wondered if my mind had finally snapped.

I couldn’t stay in my room forever, I was running out of food and as shitty as my income was, I needed it. After a few days, I managed to open my front door and walk to the parking lot of my apartment complex. There was still blood on the left front wheel of my car, which made me realize that it had been dripping this whole time and either nobody noticed or was too afraid to report it after the previously mentioned Häagen-Dazs incident. I managed to scrape off a decent amount of the browning crust with my shoe and opened the driver's seat door, thus releasing the smell of spoiled Wendy’s that had no doubt become a new form of life after congealing with the other crap I keep in the back.

It was about to be sunset, which was the opportune time to head to the grocery store while avoiding all unnecessary contact with human life, that and if I encountered something similar to what I saw out of my window, I might be able to use the coming darkness to my advantage, one way or another. The drive there was surprisingly uneventful, but was still tense due to the unrelenting silence of the night, caused by the fact that I partially destroyed my car radio out of spite towards the magical mind-controlling pop music that no doubt is specifically crafted to rape its way into your head so that if you die in a car crash, you’ll still have the song playing in your head as you bleed out.

Unfortunately, there were still some late night drinkers shuffling around the front entrance, looking for just the right beer and just the right aforementioned magical mind-controlling pop music to destroy their minds to. I got out of my car and as usual avoided eye contact while also being able to see where I was going, a skill that I had mastered way back in 7th grade.

Then, I heard clicking, like a cricket and the buzzing of a fly. I would’ve simply left it to a frog hiding in the bushes or something, but it sounded unnatural, organic but alien. That, and the fact that is was getting louder. I figured that if I didn’t see it in front of me, then it was behind me, and yet out of curiosity I still turned my head anyway to see whatever this thing making that noise looked like.

It was a rabbit, except it was in the air, hovering several feet above the ground with wings that looked like giant transparent leaves, Its hairy stingers were the shape of rose thorns.

Yes, stingers, plural, you heard that right.

You might be thinking to yourself: “Golly that’s some Tim Burton shit right there Drake, but it can’t be worse than Phantoon’s bastard child.”, And that thought did in fact cross my mind as the initial “WHAT THE FUCK” moment wore off and I had an idea of what I was looking at. It was at this moment that I had come to terms with the fact that nobody else around me reacted to its presence, or even reacted to me flinching at what I figured to them would be seemingly nothing.

The rabbit flew closer to me, it was actually really slow, I could see its weight shifting back and forth in a perpetually futile attempt to keep itself balanced in the air. Even in a startled panic I wasn’t going to hit this thing with my bare fist, stingers notwithstanding, so with some quick thinking I instead walked into the store, and about 5 minutes later came back out with a rubber mallet to see that it in fact was still there, now sucking on a pile of oranges. Remember how I said I figured this thing wasn’t as bad as the Wendy’s Cashier from SR388? That thought was obliterated by the fact that when I slammed my mallet into it and burst one of its eyes open it screamed like a newborn infant.

It writhed and cried in pain on the floor, and out of instinct, I stomped on where its neck would normally be until it stopped moving. I made a mental note to myself as I watched its orange, mucus like blood leak into the cement.

“Remember to buy a can of RAID, or some Rodent Killer, actually just buy both and mix them together, I want to see what happens, just do it outside, we don’t want a repeat of the time you tried to smother the smell of a gas leak with a homemade air freshener made from spoiled mango and rain water.”

The drive home was a clusterfuck of ideas and speculations inside my mind, and even without the alien parallel-universe shit going on, nobody else would hear a thing.