After Liam and I broke up with my boyfriend over a text message he drove me back to my house. He told me that he would see me the following week as I got out of his car and drove off again.
I tried to keep the flicker of happiness I had felt at seeing Liam smile alive but once I was out of his presence I found the task daunting and soon was awash in my own indifference once more. My phone continued to buzz with more texts and phone calls coming from my now ex-boyfriend every minute which after a while forcing me to simply turn it off so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the situation.
The relationship had been nothing more than the only obvious course of action when it started. Our city was small and the surrounding area provided a few extra schools to try and find a romantic partner but the available number of gay guys had been a whopping one. It took no time at all after I was forced out of the closet to be set up with the only option available.
Don’t get me wrong, the relationship was acceptable. He was fairly attractive and not boring to talk to but there was nothing for me other than necessity. I tried conveying this early on but was shot down by his pure fervent desire to be dating someone.
Other reasons came about forcing me to continue the farce for far longer then I would have otherwise and now it was over. If I could care about it I’m sure I would be relieved to no longer be forcing something that didn’t feel natural but as I was now I was just satisfied to have one less thing to deal with.
Even with Liam reinitiating ‘taco Tuesdays’ I found that life was settling down nicely. If dealing with him once a week was the punishment I had to suffer through in order to allow me the chance to ignore the rest of the world then I wouldn’t complain. Things had become so easy that I wasn’t even sure the last time I had been forced to talk to anyone, including my own family.
Life didn’t seem keen to allow me to just exist though.
Walking through the halls at school made it a bit harder to stay inside my head since there was just too much noise going on around me. No matter how hard I tried to block it all out bits of overheard conversations would find their way in.
‘… they totally did ... ‘ ‘... after school maybe we ... ‘ ‘... no sleep last …’
I was usually able to continue on and just ignore them since nothing was ever that surprising or interesting. There were very few things that could take me fully out of my self induced haze.
‘FIGHT!!’
That one single word rang out from the end of the hall causing everything to fall silent. school fights weren’t very interesting to watch on TV shows or movies but they hardly ever happened in real life, at least not at this school.
I followed the other students down the hall as everyone moved in a wave towards the same destination. Thankfully the fight was happening in the hallway between the cafeteria and the gym so there was plenty of room for everyone to get a good view. Even standing a little behind everyone else I could still see at least one of the combatants.
Jeremy Strand was one of the tallest guys in the school and years of being on the football team had made him one of the most muscular as well. I had started to almost feel bad for whoever he was fighting with until I got a better look at him. Jeremy’s red hair was standing up all over the place and a dark bruise was already formed around his left eye. His nose had blood coming out of it which he attempted to wipe away but managed to only smear the crimson liquid across his cheek.
His opponent moved forward the other guy's fist connecting with Jeremy’s good eye. Taking the hit the redhead grappled his opponent's arm twisting it until the owner had to move their entire body to avoid having it broken which ended up causing both of them to face towards me.
Liam’s face was flushed, one cheek already swelling so much that the eye on that side couldn’t fully open. There was a small trail of blood coming from his mouth but he looked to be in better shape then Jeremy still.
Both of them looked extremely angry which made sense since it was a fight, but Jeremy’s anger seemed to be on an entirely different level. His green eyes had taken on a hard edge and if looks could actually kill Liam wouldn’t have the upper hand.
The two twisted some more until Liam was able to swing his free arm around to punch Jeremy in the stomach which caused his grip to falter and the two separated once more before jumping back at one another. It was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began as they continued to ram into one another.
“Jeremy, Liam stop” a voice a few feet away from me called out reminding me that there were other spectators standing in the hall with me still. The person who spoke forced his way through the crowd until he was able to get in between the two of them holding his arms out in an attempt to keep them apart.
The newcomer was one of the few people in the school taller than Jeremy though his limbs were far less muscular. He was standing between them but still had his back to me making it hard to tell who it was though I had a pretty good idea of who would try and separate those two.
“Of fucking course, your here” Jeremy spat out actually spraying blood as he spoke. “Why can’t you just mind your goddamn business four eyes”
As the taller boy turned to face Jeremy I was able to get a good look at his face.
Brian was one of the few seniors I knew by name and seeing him standing between Liam and Jeremy made my stomach feel like it was being squeezed. I hadn’t realized who it was before since he looked almost washed out compared to the last time I had seen him. Everything he wore was black and plain including his glasses and hair which had also been cut much shorter. His skin was pale and he had small flecks of blood on his cheeks making it look like he had freckles.
“I’m making it my business” he replied flatly no emotion in his voice as he stared down at Jeremy.
“Just fuck off” the redhead barked back moving to try and get at his target. When this didn’t work he turned back towards Brian “You can either move or I will kick your ass as well”
Throughout the conversation, I was so focused on them that I didn’t even notice I had moved closer. It wasn’t until I pushed past the last few people and found myself in the clearing that the fight had been taking place in that I noticed my feet had propelled me forward at all. Three pairs of eyes turned to me in unison pinning me to the spot.
A second later Jeremy burst out laughing his face still contorted in anger. “You have got to be fucking kidding me, even number four shows up,” he said his mouth turning up into a cruel smile at the words.
“Don’t fucking call him that” Liam bellowed out, stepping around Brian his fist darting forward to connect with Jeremy’s chin sending the taller boy stumbling backward.
Jeremy looked at Liam before his eyes darted around to me and Brian. He straightened up his attention turning back to Liam as he turned his head slightly and spit some blood out onto the floor.
“This isn’t worth it,” Jeremy said turning around and pushing his way through the crowd heading into the gym with Brian following closely behind him whatever was being said between the two lost in the flurry of movement as students began dispersing.
I stood there looking at Liam until he finally turned to face me. The anger had been replaced by the sadness that had been there every other time I looked at him recently.
“Don’t listen to him, he is just being a fucking asshole” he said closing the space between us, bringing his hand up as if he was going to touch me before letting it fall back to his side. “He shouldn’t have called you that”
His eyes seemed to be trying to convey something as he talked but whatever it might have been was lost to my internal void. I turned away from him before the deep blue of the eyes could draw me in any further since I was trying to float through life, not drown.
As I walked away from Liam trying to empty my mind once more Jeremy’s words kept worming back into my brain fanning something within me causing me to feel hot. ‘Number four’ continued to echo inside my skull making me want to hit something just to make the words stop. Instead, I shoved my hands into my hoodie pocket balling them up in the extra fabric within.
There was no reason to let the words get to me since Jeremy had only spoken the truth.
I was number four after all.
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