1970

Jessie

Jessie, her hair drenched from sweat, stared at her new baby in fear. It dripped down her cheek as she stared wide-eyed at her husband and family, who gazed lovingly at the child. She was baffled as to how they could feel that way. It had been a few hours since she gave birth, and it was the most traumatizing experience of her life. She gave the baby to her husband and stood to relieve herself from the situation.

“Are you alright, darling?” her husband asked.

“I just need to use the bathroom.” She walked to the bathroom and stood by the toilet, checking the stitches that had just been put in place. She had been told they would dissolve after a few weeks and to keep them clean. Jessie stood, looking at herself in the mirror. Her muddy brown hair looked a mess, her body ached, and her big blue eyes were swollen with burst capillaries. “I don't want this life. I don’t want to be a mother,” she said in a low tone, rubbing her aching back.

At that moment, Jessie decided to run. She decided to run from her baby, from her husband, from her family, and from her responsibilities. While she had been happy in her marriage, she wasn’t happy that she became pregnant. And the birth just reminded her of the struggles and sacrifices she would have to make for her growing child. Reflecting on her childhood, she shuddered. Growing up in an orphanage was not something she liked to remember, and not having real parents of her own, her adoptive ones not rising to the occasion, she didn’t know the first thing about raising a child.

She washed her face and hair in the sink and opened the door a crack to peer out at her bewitched family. She didn't want to wear a hospital gown, just in case it aroused suspicion and prevented her getaway. “Honey, could you please pass me an outfit? I want to have a shower,” she said, her deep blue eyes mesmerizing him. He adored her always, but after watching her give birth, he was in awe.

“Of course, my love.” He passed her a band t-shirt, a souvenir from the time they had attended a concert together, and some loose-fitting pants. Her preferred outfit would usually be jeans, though she needed to make an amendment. Tossing the oversized shirt over her hair and pulling up her pants, she spotted the nurse’s entrance to the bathroom.

“Babe, could you actually just pass me my entire bag? I need some other things.” She peered out of the door at her husband, who was still looking at their brunette son, his soft newborn hair glistening in the lights. Her heart started to throb as her husband handed the baby to his mother and carried her bag to the door...

“I’m so proud of you.” He kissed her lightly on her full lips. She smiled weakly, a tear in her eye, remembering all of the amazing moments they had experienced together and that her husband would have with their new child. Turning slowly, she made her escape.

Once outside, she looked desperately for a taxi to pick her up from the side of the dry, dusty Arizona road and take her away to God knows where, just not here. She looked back, panicked that her estranged husband would be looking for her. Maybe he would try to take her back to the life she didn't want. Or worse. He could have her locked up in a mental ward for abandoning her family due to postpartum depression. They would blame it on that, not on the fact that she never wanted a baby. But she did it to fulfill her husband's dream of becoming a father.

A cab pulled up to the curb, and she opened the door and jumped in. “Take me anywhere with food and footwear,” she said. The driver took off and she looked out the window, watching the road and other cars go by. About ten minutes into the drive, she realized that someone had probably alerted authorities that she was missing. They would for sure alert the taxi company, and though they were currently in the middle of nowhere, she didn’t care. “Drop me here.”

“I thought you wanted a shopping center, ma'am?”

“I said drop me here! I’ll walk!”

The cab pulled to the curb, slowing down as Jessie jumped out. The cab driver yelled at her out of the window for payment. She started walking...faster...even though her body ached, she soon began to notice the pain fade into the back of her mind before disappearing altogether. Before long, her jog turned to running. Every stride pounded at her broken heart. Just when she thought her mattered feet couldn't take her any further, the adrenaline hit. It became effortless to lift her feet one after another. She felt as though she were flying. She had power. It was as though her post-birth body were giving her a new instinct, and that was to run and never stop. She picked up the pace as her legs became stronger and her body more agile.

After a while, she spotted an old gas station and made her way to it. When she entered, she found an overweight man standing alone at the counter. The dusty room was run down, just like any old gas station would be. He stood there staring blankly as though riddled with boredom.

Jessie grabbed things like a clean T-shirt and soap to wash the blood from her mangled feet. Now that she had stopped moving, the place where her stitches held her together hurt again. She moved slowly as she continued to grab snacks, a bag, and flip flops, putting them into the duffel bag that she had taken with her from the hospital. The guy at the counter didn't chase her as she started to walk out, so she kept a normal pace. Eventually, she heard him calling, “Ma’am, you have to pay for those. I am not a charity.” She ignored him as she removed her sweaty shirt and replaced it with the new one. Her pants were surprisingly still intact after her journey in the wilderness. She put the flip flops on and continued walking. The calling stopped soon after...but she wouldn't have cared if it hadn't.