It was a lie. Not a great big festering lie but a fib all the same.
Some tufty chunks of memories had come back, fluttering into her mind with a deja vu feeling of recognition. Mostly voices. Her own, snide and biting.
Lucia didn’t like what she heard.
Why was the distant, fuzzy version of herself so spiteful? If she described what had leaked back into her brain so far to Elijah what on Earth would he think of her? Or worse, what if he confirmed that she spoke to him like that?
She pushed those horrible snippets of audio down, cramming them to the back of her mind until she had the context to process them. The last time she could remember speaking like that to anyone was to a school bully picking on some younger kid on the playground.
She didn’t want to dwell on scenes she could barely remember, she was still trying to digest their trip to the library. Ever since she was plopped back into bed and left with Sariyah she had replayed it moment by moment in her head. The stunning room filled with books from floor to ceiling like something out of her dreams, Elijah climbing the ladder and leaning over her to hand her the book she wanted…
And that kiss, oh, that kiss.
Did it still count as her first if she couldn’t remember any kisses before it?
She didn’t know how to find a single word in her mind to describe it, he was gentle but so hungry for her, as though he was desperately holding himself back. It was an infectious feeling.
When he pushed her back with his hips and she felt the rungs of the ladder dig into her spine she didn’t even notice any pain from her bruising, her mind completely preoccupied with the pulsing of her heartbeat between her legs. The lump on the back of her head gave her no bother even when his fingers were sliding through her hair. Every touch sucked her in deeper until she had forgotten everything but him.
Was it always like that? Because if it was she definitely understood why she was marrying him!
It certainly hadn’t been like that when she first woke up, he had been sinfully shy with her all week aside from some timid locked fingers. But she liked the change, she wanted more.
She missed his touch already. He had vanished so suddenly, mumbling something about ‘getting something to eat’. She never got to see him eat his meals, he always disappeared when he got hungry and ate in private. Maybe he was self-conscious… Lucia knew she felt awkward when she was served her meals and her betrothed and his cousin sat in silence reading their books, the only sound in the room coming from her mouth as she chewed.
“What’s on your mind, kid?” Sariyah asked as she lounged across her chair like a lazy lioness.
Lucia pressed her lips together for a few seconds before answering, “Nothing.”
“You’ve been red-faced and squirmy since you came back from your tour.” It was said light-heartedly but Lucia’s face still grew hotter with embarrassment. “Did something happen?”
“Kind of.” She mumbled.
Sariyah sat to attention with a sly grin, “Ooh, was it a saucy something?” she asked, not attempting to contain her nosiness in the slightest.
“I guess…” Lucia pulled the blankets up higher on her chest as she grew more and more self-conscious until she finally managed to sputter, “We kissed.”
“Romantic!” Sariyah cooed with a grin. “How was it?”
Lucia let out a pathetic, maiden-like sigh, “Amazing.”
“Oh?”
“I feel so embarrassed saying this but he’s a very good kisser.”
“Really?”
“Well, I don’t have anything to compare it to but I’d also let him kiss me until I suffocated so I think that’s a sign that he’s a pretty fantastic kisser.”
Sariyah’s brows pulled together with confusion, “Nothing to compare it to? You’d never been kissed before?” she didn’t phrase her question to be mocking, she sounded genuinely curious. Nevertheless Lucia was still with a wave of defensiveness that folded her arms over her chest involuntarily like a sulking child.
“Given that I can’t remember any kisses before it I’m counting it as my first.” She explained sharply.
Well, it was her first real kiss. She had received pecks on the lips from nervous teenage boys when she had been at school. She had never had someone else’s tongue in her mouth, nor had any of those mini kisses made her feel like she did now.
“Nice.” Sariyah grinned and gave a thumbs up.
Lucia’s embarrassment instantly dissipated, Sariyah was too easy-going to feel awkward around, only she would give a thumbs up to being told her cousin is a great kisser…
“Is it weird that I jut told you that? I know you’re his cousin but-”
“But we’re friends, so it’s cool. Plus, deep down I’m very nosey.” Not that deep down, thought Lucia but she didn’t interrupt. “And we’re cousins by marriage so it’s not weird for me to know he’s a good kisser… I think that’s how that works, right?”
Lucia laughed heartily, showing her gratitude for Sariyah’s ability to lift the atmosphere in any conversation with her silly comments and daft rambles.
They chatted about everything and nothing as she awaited the return of her betrothed, excitement squeezing at her tummy.
When Elijah finally reappeared, Lucia pulled herself up in bed, a soft smile squeezing at her cheeks. Excitement bubbled from her stomach to her throat at the sight of his dark curls entering the room first as he ducked his head upon entry. A craving pulled at her, desperate for more of the Elijah from the library, the man who had squeezed her in his arms and kissed her as though she were the antidote to cure him of a deadly poison. Green-blue eyes sparkling with a hunger that was ten times as flattering as any compliment.
But the Elijah who lowered himself into the seat at her bedside was not the man who had clutched her close surrounded by thousands of beautiful books, he was awkward and stiff and could barely make eye contact with her. She blinked a few times but nothing changed, he had retreated back into his usual shy shell.
Is this how he behaved when they dated? She had assumed his strange distant attitude had been his way of dealing with her amnesia but it had been over a week since the accident… she had not rebuffed him in any way and yet Sariyah was far more affectionate than he was. She had held his hand many times but even that was often something she had to initiate. He had not hugged her, kissed her or touched her in any real loving way again until the library and his only topics of conversation where her accident and how she was feeling.
That kiss in the library had given her a foolish assumption that he had pushed past the blockade her accident was causing in his mind, that he would treat her as he did before she fell. How had that incredible kiss not changed anything? Was she blind for assuming it felt as good for him?
After another awkward and stunted conversation about her physical well-being, in which Lucia was only half paying attention to his questions, her brain marinating in the questions that orbited her head with no hope of being answered, Lucia asked Sariyah if she would help her take a bath.
Of course, Sariyah agreed instantly, leaping from her armchair and shooing Elijah from the room.
Nurse Julie had helped her with her bathing for the first few days but as Lucia spent hour after hour with Sariyah, discussing life and family and everything she had ever experienced she quickly decided that she felt comfortable enough for her soon-to-be cousin-in-law to help her clean herself. Sariyah was also a hell of a lot stronger than she looked. For a woman who couldn’t have been more than five feet tall and barely a size six, she had the physical fitness of an ant, able to lift items many times her own weight.
Once she was slow-roasting in a deep tub with thick piles of bubbles and the relaxing scent of lavender drifting up her nose on the waves of steam, she turned to Sariyah, craning her neck almost painfully.
“I don’t suppose you know why Elijah…” She sought the correct words carefully, “is so formal around me?”
Sariyah sighed, groaned, and then laughed.
“My dear, I’ve been trying to drag that man out of his shell for years…”
“So, he’s always like that?”
“He’s embarrassingly shy,” She admitted with a look of ‘what can ya do?’, “it takes a very long time for him to get comfortable with people… He tends not to bother trying at this point so I’m not she even knows how to open up to someone.”
“But that kiss…” Lucia mumbled, burying her chin in the bubbles so that she could avoid looking directly into Sariyah’s dark eyes.
“I was pretty damn surprised when you told me he kissed you.” Sariyah snorted.
“But we’re engaged!” Lucia blurted. The thought of a betrothed couple having not kissed before was absurd, clearly Sariyah was playing with her, another one of her odd comments made purely for shock value and to bring comic relief.
However Sariyah simply shrugged off the exclamation and handed her a loofah.
“Come on, give your body a scrub while the water is still hot.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Lucia grumbled and began to slowly swipe the loofah over her skin, although the water was scalding hot (just the way she liked it, especially with her seemingly permanently aching muscles) she moved considerably slower with her still-bruised body and by the time she had cleaned her ears to her toes there’s no telling if the sudsy water would even be tepid.
While she worked diligently to cover every inch of her body in soap, Sariyah gently braided her curls, regaling her with tales of her childhood and the never-ending trouble she seemed to be in with her father.
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