"Can I come over?"

Emmett left the message unanswered on his phone for a long time. Like he had with most of Edan's messages since he'd left again. They should have tried to figure things out properly a while ago, but it had only been apologetic actions and no real discussion.

He mulled it over in the bath, with a couple of beers, smokes and bubbles. No one had to know about that last one.

"Sure. But let's talk before we fuck." Was what he eventually sent back.

"I was thinking the same thing. Be over in 20."

Emmett spent another ten minutes in the water, trying to pretend anxiety wasn't swelling in his chest. The waiting made him feel sick so he drained the tub and threw on a robe so he could do… something.

He ended up in his tiny corner of a kitchen, boiling a kettle of water for tea he never drank. Emmett didn't even remember buying it in the first place. Maybe it was a remnant from some past partner when either of them had been ill. He was watching it steep when Edan's knock hit the door.

Emmett turned from the cup. "It's open."

Edan stepped in. He looked as well groomed as always, but something in the way he shrugged off his jacket and the way he couldn't hold Emmett's gaze proved that he was nervous.

Emmett spotted a small shipping box in his hand but Edan just set it on the table. "It was by your door." He said, to answer Emmett's questioning look.

"I'll look at it later."

"I missed you." It felt like the words Edan had wanted to lead with, not so meaningful now that they'd been forced behind a vague pleasantry.

Emmett had to be honest. "I'm not sure if I did."

A twinge of pain in Edan's brow proved the words hurt but also that he may have expected them. "I can understand that."

"It doesn't feel good to say it though."

Edan seemed a little relieved. "Maybe there's still hope then."

"About that night-"

Edan cut him off. "What am I to you? Because, I'll be honest, that first day, I thought you'd just be a fun distraction before I left the country."

Emmett's face reddened and he clutched his arms across his chest. Those words sounded too familiar. "That first day… So, something changed your mind?"

"Yeah, but it's not gonna sound good."

Emmett waited, his chest tight.

"That night before I left, when you were talking about wanting to die all alone-"

"-I told you it didn't mean anything."

"Well, I'm sorry. It's what made me want to hold on to you."

A moment of silence. Emmett was trying to swallow the bitter tang that'd risen in his throat.

Edan spoke again. "You didn't answer."

"Huh?"

"What am I to you? ...Because you wanted me to mark you up like I owned you but then you're the one all over other guys."

"It was one time. I was drunk Edan, and so were you."

Emmett said it more harshly than he'd meant. The bites were just red scars now, and thin enough that they would fade into nonexistence eventually. "I wanted you as soon as I met you, and I still do." He paused again. Was that even true? "But I've never really been more than the 'experiment' or 'the other guy' or ‘the distraction’ so this is new to me. I can't promise I won't fuck it up again."

Edan was quiet for awhile. Emmett became too conscious of the last of the bath water running down his legs and dripping off of his bangs. Finally, Edan spoke again.

"When I said that failure makes me want to try harder, that goes for this thing between us too." Edan took a few steps closer, unfolding Emmett's arms from his chest. The muscles felt stiff. Emmett hadn't realized how tightly he'd been holding himself. "Maybe if we actually start acting like we're together it'll feel more like we really are?"

"Acting?" Emmett laced his fingers with Edan's, giving him a bitter smile. "So we'll tell people we're dating when all we really do is lie around and fuck each other?"

"Look who's trying to be funny again. " He pressed a quick kiss on Emmett's lips. "I'm sorry I hurt you, and I wanna keep trying this."

Relief. For the most part, relief. A real apology and no one was leaving the other yet.

Emmett passed the kiss back."And I'm sorry I'm a slut." He pulled Edan closer so he could dive a hand down his pants, moving his mouth against his ear. "And I really want to skip ahead to the part where we fuck and make up."

Edan was clearly taken by surprise. He choked out a gasp against Emmett's hair. "I didn't think you were being serious in your text." Despite his surprise it wasn't taking long for his dick to firm up under Emmett's touch.

"I'm always serious about fucking."

Edan didn't have a response. Emmett had locked his mouth on his, forcing him back the few steps that would put him on the couch. For once Edan didn't look graceful as he stumbled back to sit on the edge. He regained himself a little as he lay back. Emmett was already trying to rip off his shoes and jeans but Edan took over so Emmett could fetch the lube from the bedroom and leave his robe behind.

Emmett was straddling his waist in another moment, grinding back on Edan's dick until the guy's eyes were practically begging him to move on. Emmett drew everything out longer than he typically would've even wanted himself. Being in charge made him want to tease and prolong the whole process.

It was pretty damn fun.

It wasn't until Edan grabbed Emmett's thigh in desperation that he finally started pulling him in. He did that slowly too, pleased by the way it made Edan's breath hiss and his legs quiver. Yes, it was payback, but Edan would enjoy it by the end, wouldn't he?

And Emmett was already getting impatient himself. He'd been dying between revulsion and want for the guy. One more good fuck would help erase that last time from his mind. Then they could really move on.

His impatience was getting the better of him. Edan's length kept slipping free and Emmett was getting more frustrated than satisfied. Edan seemed to notice, pulling Emmett down against his chest, and gripping his ass firmly before starting a rhythmic pounding. Emmett panted into Edan's neck until he hit his limit. The sound he made then was more than pathetic and he wished he could have kept it to himself.