Kiss Me

Part Sixteen

Aya

"When you wake up, you should probably go ahead and ask me to marry you, or maybe I'll do it first." I whispered in the dark to a man who quite literally owned my heart. Fair and square.

There was a nightlight on in the bathroom down the hall, but other than that it was completely dark and quiet. When I’d woken up, from thoughts I still wouldn’t allow myself to think about, when I had the choice. I was sweaty, in a warm bed with Henley. Except, not in the way I would prefer to be.

Over the past week I’d been in a haze from the strong painkillers, and I was still sleeping at the weirdest times even though they’d all but worn off by then. However groggy, and regardless of the hour, every time I woke up, he was there ready to talk. Ready to make me laugh. Bring me something to drink. Feed me to the point of nausea. He seemed calm, which I was thankful for in that moment. Relaxed and peaceful. He needed rest, and I felt obligated to leave him alone, so he could catch up on the sleep I knew I’d deprived him of. He had to be exhausted. He was always awake when I was.

So I lay there absorbing him and reflected. My heart rate slowed from the dream as I let my mind wander around our new reality. I’d been home for a week, after three weeks in hospital. It was Sunday I think. Days blended together. I measured time by what television shows were on and what he was trying to feed me. Breakfast. The Today Show. Lunch. He was watching a cooking show. Dinner. The news. If it weren’t for those minor clues, and the light from the sun and moon filtering in from outside, I’d have no clue what time it was at all.

It was dark out when he carried me to bed. Our bed? There was so much that wasn’t clear. So much that needed discussing. Defined. Lines needed to be drawn. Sad as it was, I was still nervous that it could get worse before better. Would there ever be more trouble? Would I have to go through a trial? I wanted to sever myself from the past, not continue living in it. My mind traveled into dark corners, so I focused my thoughts on him. The beautiful man beside me. His physical appearance and the word ‘beautiful’ were exclusive. It was everything about him. His kindness. Passion. He loved me unconditionally. Goodness oozed from him and coated everything it touched. Including me. I needed him forever.

My heart, and everything else, belonged to him. I had already been his for such a long time, even when we knew nothing of each other. Now, I refused to wait any longer. He loved me. I loved him. I wasn’t going to waste another minute not letting him know I was there for the taking. If he wanted me. Every part of me belonged to every part of him. My lips were the mate to his. My arms fit around him like wrapping paper on Christmas presents. My thoughts were stained with him, the same as my heart. My eyes never failed to look for his. The view was always such a nice bonus. "You know you want to. Just ask me," I quietly pleaded. "I’ll say yes, and we’ll run away." That was something of a fantasy. But who doesn’t dream about being swept away by the man they’re in love with?

With all of the stealth and speed of a geriatric sloth, I moved away from him to take a little walk around the apartment. Maybe there was something on television that would hold my attention. I gently slid my feet off the side of the bed, then felt his hand find mine.

"Where ya goin’?" he asked. His voice was gravelly and thick with sleep. I glanced over my shoulder. I smiled because his eyes weren’t even open. It was possible he wasn’t even awake.

Bringing my leg back up on the bed, I ran my hand over his chest and felt him breathing just as softly and evenly as before. "Henley?" I waited, but there was nothing. I was sucked back into him. I didn’t need a walk. I needed his touch. My fingers journeyed to their favorite playground, his thick dark hair. I combed through it softly and as curly hairs pulled away from each other, they fluffed up. The contrast of his dark hair against the creamy white pillowcase allowed me to see the effect I was having on it. Puffy hair and all, he still looked handsome. Through everything, he’d been exactly what I needed.

He didn’t speak carefully to me like I was glass. But his touch, although still holding the heat that had always been there, felt cooler. Somewhat reserved. My body was still healing, so I could understand his hesitancy to go crazy. Still, I missed the feel of him. The way my blood and muscles felt new after the rush of pleasure he gave me. He could heal me, distract me. Replace hurt with desire. Fear with ecstasy. Hate with love. Greedily, I just couldn’t resist him. I supposed it was typical. When it came right down to it, I’d always been selfish, but this time I wanted to please and give more than I took.

I changed course. I crawled back onto the bed closer to him and, carefully, wrapped my leg over his side-laying body. I cinched closer. He reflexively drew me near and a moan rumbled in his throat. "You’re starting trouble, beautiful," he said as he rolled onto his back taking me with him. I lay on his chest, legs straddling him. Even though his head was foggy, his body was awake. Evident by the hardness I felt when I stretched to kiss his mouth. Not just for his lips, but for the friction created by sliding against him.

I grin, although he couldn't see it. "I'm trouble, I know."

Sliding his hands up my bare bare back, I felt a rumble vibrate through him, to me. "I love your trouble more than anything."

"Hmm, good."

"I was dreaming about this." He shifted under me and the darker thoughts I’d had earlier started to fade. The knot in my belly changed to need.

"Really, which part?"

"You. But you were kissing my neck." He moved his head to the side and I laughed to myself. He invited me to press my lips against the skin under his ear. He tasted sweet and satisfying and better than any meal I’d had in a long time.

"Mmm. Like this?" His hips rocked and he ran his hands up and down my sides. It made me arch into him, and I took liberties, grinding against the glorious piece of man beneath me.

"Yeah, just like that."

"You taste even more delicious."

His lips puckered and he gave me a little squeeze. My ribs screamed and my breath caught, the pain surprising me. Out of all of my injuries, my ribs were the worst. He sensed my brief discomfort. "I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking."

He relaxed his hold. The room was barely bright enough for me to see his worry. I didn’t like it. I missed the reckless passion his eyes he held only weeks ago. "I'm fine, really."

He lifted himself up and carefully pulled me with him. "I don't want you to hurt Aya."

I connect my eyes with his dark ones. He worries too much. But then again I got it, I understand why. "You look after me, day in, day out," I shift myself away from him and sat crossed legged in front of him. "Now it's high time I looked after you." I said in a hush and pointed to his rather large arousal.

"Baby, my dick isn't going anywhere, like I'm not going anywhere." I guess he's looking out for me. Yet, I don't just want to please him, I also need to please myself, too.

"I'm ready, I'm fine."

"Your heart and brain may think that, but your body doesn't. Be patient Aya."

"I have been."

He smiles and pinches my chin, bringing those lips I love so much to mine. "A little longer won't hurt," he whispers and kissed me so gently I barely felt it. Yet it left a deep burning desire in its path. "Are you hungry?"

I nod. But not for food. And felt myself say. "Not for food." I wanted my lungs heavy with his breath and my ears full of words from his worshiping lips. I wanted there to be, at least, a few peaceful seconds, where I wasn’t pretending I couldn’t remember what happened. I wanted the calm that came right after we were intimate. Mostly, I wanted to tell him all of that, but I wasn’t sure how to say it. I knew he’d understand. Or try. What were the words for fix me? Let’s fix this together?

"Okay," he said. "Lets get the day out of the way and if later, you're still feeling okay. Then I will let you have me."

"Is that a promise?" I asked vehemently.

"Only if you don't lie about being okay."

"If I tell you I'm not, you won't let me." I was clearly sulking and he took great pride in that.

"No, I just want you to be honest, that's all."

"Honest?" I said and looked down at my fingers. "I'll be honest." And I looked back at his beautiful face.

"So. Be honest."

"Now?" He nodded in reply and snatched a hand. Then pressed my fingers to his lips. I watched him in awe. "It still hurts, but not like before."

"See, that wasn't so hard now was it?" His voice was still butter smooth, but he was being firm with me. I liked it.

"You're a devil."

"And you're my menacing sidekick."

I giggled at that bit. "Yeah. Sounds about right."

"Now, what would my beautiful angel like for breakfast?"

"Bacon and eggs." I grumbled.

"Bacon and eggs it is," he said letting go of my hand and moving from the bed. "Lay back down and I will bring it all to bed."

"I don't want to be alone." I felt the familiar feeling of myself closing up tight. Everything that happened before had really fucked me up. I hated being alone. I started to suffer with anxiety and heart palpitations. My nightmares have calmed, but they've not stopped. Sometimes I feel like I'm dragging him through a grinder. I cry for no damn reason. I get angry for no reason, too. It feels like hell at times, yet he's there. He never falters. He never gets upset or angry with me. He's patient. Unlike me, my patience is very questionable at times, but I'm trying. I'm really trying.

"Aya, I will just be in the other room." I nodded and he walked away. No, I don't like it. So I slipped from the bed and followed his soft humming. I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around his strong waist. "Hey,"

"No, let me hold you, like this."

"Okay, but it won't be easy." He chuckled.

    I didn't let go as he wandered around the kitchen. It probably looks completely ridiculous. Still, I need this constant connection. I needed to feel completely wrapped up in him. All the time. I hoped he didn't mind it. I mean he hasn't told me once that I can't, so I take it all. Because my body and my heart and mind needed to be consoled. It needed his heat. It needed the feel of his skin. It needed everything he is just to feel safe. I honestly couldn't survive without him now. I'm not completely sure if that's even very healthy, but as long as he is right by my side, I'm happy and I love him.