Hate me if you will. Because, I'm sure this isn't what you had in mind.
I'll apologise after. For now, I'll make you see reason.
I take hold of her waist and force my mouth against hers. She squirms as an initial reaction as her hold against me becomes firm before softening. Her knees buckle as we fall to the floor.
"U-Ueha-"
I seal her lips once more, this time with passion as she tugs against my shirt. Taking her hand, I entwine it with my own, and as her nails dig against my skin, the pain's instead replaced with a numbing sensation.
Before long, I distance myself from her. As her lower lip begins to quiver, her eyes were puffy, on the verge of tears.
"Tsuchida-san, what you mentioned moments ago. That still applies, right?"
"..."
Choosing to remain silent, or perhaps she's unable to utter a word.
"Your body, your everything. They're mine, isn't that right?"
Digesting my words, she says not a word, but slowly nods her head.
"Then, why are you crying?"
"Eh?"
Raising her finger to below her eyes, tears stream down one after the other as she begins to sniffle.
"W-Why... I-I meant what I-... I'm happy, but..."
As if that was the last stroke, her body shakes uncontrollably. Pressing her palm against her face, tears drip between her fingers.
"It's not what you really want is it? No one wants to be used as a tool."
"It really hurts... Senpai, I-...-" clutching her chest, her face hides behind the other as hiccups pass, "It's like there's this lump, in my heart. I just want to, I want to tear it out."
"..."
"I love you alot, Senpai... I-, I really, do... I just don't know, what to do."
Watching her become a crying mess, I'm left at a loss as I was never great with touchy emotions.
"...Just the thought. The thought of you being with someone else. It hurts, so much that it's enough to drive me crazy."
"It's not like I plan to be with anyone."
In fact it may be too late to find someone with the way I am.
"Jougasaki-Senpai... she's going to ask you to the dance. And with the way you two are... you're always together... I'm sure Senpai will say yes... Jougasaki-senpai... she's beautiful, smart and has everything together."
There's no way she'll ask me to the dance. But I guess I'll play along.
"Well, she's not perfect. She does slip up sometimes."
"See, that's why... Girls will only show a different side to someone if they're interested in them..."
"Is that so... Do you act like this with other people?"
"Of course not. Senpai... Senpai's the only one I'll show everything..."
Not so sure if I should be relieved or not... But I guess it was a dumb question, a pretty inconsiderate one actually.
A cry for help, desperation. A yearning to be acknowledged by someone special. She believes our encounter was to do with fate, or someone she just felt genuinely wanted to help her. No matter how much reassurance I'm able to give her, her longing will remain regardless unless the source is taken care of.
In other words, the words of her parents. Her feelings need to be spoken, if it remains etched deep in her heart, of course they won't realise. If she remains this way, their kindness will only continue to hurt her.
"Tsuchida-san, get dressed. I'll be in the dining room when you're finished."
"S-Senpai..?"
In a daze, her gaze follows me as I move towards the door. Making sure to take my stolen possession which she left against the table.
"Right now, this is all I can do for you. Until you straighten yourself out."
...
Exiting the room, I take a deep breath as my grips still firmly by the door handle. The sounds of the outside world slowly return as I'm greeted by a faint tune down the hallway.
"Now then..."
This truly isn't my problem. I can always just leave her up to her devices and she'd eventually leave me alone. Or perhaps the problem will continue to escalate pass the point of redemption. And if it does get up to that point, I can't say I won't feel responsible.
"Surely isn't the last time I helped a junior..."
Perhaps I shouldn't intervene with family problems. But I just can't sit still.
Heading to the dining room, there's no real dividing line between it and the living room. With the kitchen just off to the side, it separated by the few kitchen islands.
"Ah, Uehara-kun, was it? Are you two finished?"
In the kitchen, she's in the middle of making dinner. A pot sits against the stove as it'd occasionally rattle.
"For today, yes. Tsuchida-san's quite bright, she doesn't really need a mathematics tutor in the end. But we're planning to continue tomorrow when I can grab some resources from home."
"That's wonderful, thank you for doing this. But are you sure you're all right with this?"
"It's fine. It's not too much work, and it doesn't interfere with my schedule if she continues to progress like today."
That is, if only this were a mere tutoring lesson.
"Keiko-chan's a good girl. She never asks for anything, she's also selfless and acts to benefit others. Sometimes I think she's too good as a daughter. Is she doing fine with school? I always worry for her."
Perhaps her vision of her daughter has become distorted if she truly believes her daughter word for word. Like my parents, they'd accept our word on how the day went and not question it. or press further. Even if their emotion are hidden behind fake smiles, I believe it's a parents job to truly figure out how to emotionally connect with their child.
"Tsuchida-san... Lately, I realised she's been feeling a bit down at school. In fact, I figured this tutor lesson would make her feel better. But she continued to feel down, so I'm not so sure what to do."
"Keiko-san is..?"
The pot begins to bubble over as she hops off her chair in shock before lowering the fire.
"Has she mentioned anything about it? Has there been anything off recently?"
"N-No... She was all smiles when her Father and I left for work in the morning... W-While it's true we usually work until late, she never complains and welcomes us home with a smile."
My parents too would work morning to night and let us deal with things ourselves. But unlike Tsuchida-san, I had the warmth of my siblings. We shared the burden between us as it then got easier as we grew up.
"She may be feeling lonely."
"R-Really? But, at times she'd speak about her day and how much she's enjoying clubs..."
"Yes but... Until today, she mentioned she hasn't invited anyone else over."
"..."
Remaining silent, I'm starting to feel she's truly oblivious to her daughters life. I don't have the right to judge how a parent raises their child though. But if she wants Tsuchida-san to truly smile from her heart, she needs to understand her situation.
"She has mentioned... About a senior who watched over her. That'd be Uehara-kun, right?"
"I'd assume so. Has she mentioned anything else?"
"Hahh..."
Removing the lid off the pot, she begins to stir the contents with a wooden spoon.
"Keiko-chan. With the way her room is, it's difficult to hear from outside. But, I'd sometimes over hear her talking to someone. It was as though someone else was with her. At one point, I became curious and peeked in, only to find no one to be there."
When no ones around, it's not strange to speak to yourself.
"Could she be talking to someone on the phone?"
"I thought about that may be the case, however, she left her phone on the dining table that day. And the home phone was left by the arch."
"..."
"I thought it was strange, but I believe it wasn't anything too particular to stop. So I never intervened."
"Pardon me if this comes off as rude. But, Tsuchida-san mentioned you aren't the one who gave birth to her."
"...Mm, so she's told you that."
Raising the wooden spoon out of the pot, she drips a bit of the contents against a small saucer before turning the gas off. Placing the lid back on, she drops the used utensils into the sink before dousing it with water.
"Keiko-chan must trust you a great deal, Uehara-kun. I'm sure with that, she has also told you that I raised her on the behalf of my sister."
"Yes. She has told me that. And because of it, she believes she's placed a great burden on both you and her Father. ...She thinks, the only reason you're raising her, is because you're her Aunt, not the one who gave birth to her."
"...Is that so. I was afraid of that..."
Returning to her stool, she merely gazes towards the hallway in which Tsuchida-san lays. It's as though she had a clue all along but chose not to act on her suspicion
"You knew?"
"I don't really want to talk about this, but... Uehara-kun, you really care for Keiko-chan, don't you?"
"Well, it's-"
"Thank you."
For some reason, I feel guilty.
"I never wanted children, I thought I wouldn't be able to care for one. But when my sister mentioned to take care of her child for a day, I thought nothing of it. I was at home on the day with nothing to do, so I accepted. Little did I realise how cute a baby can be. It made me feel certain emotions I never thought were possible. I started to entertain the thought of possibly raising a child."
"But then..."
"Yes. My sister... she got into an accident. It was a huge ordeal, many upsets and tending to various matters. In the end, we obtained custody of the child. We have no relatives in the country, and my husband and I appealed to look after her. In the beginning, my original thoughts of raising a child became apparent. I hate to say, I felt a slight... only a bit of regret looking after her."
Tears well up in her eyes, as I too began to feel a little emotional.
"But as the day passed. As she grew up, the things I did, the things she did... I was really happy, she grew up so fast and strong. And when she stood with her uniform on, I couldn't help but feel glad. I love her as though she were my own daughter... I'd do anything for her, but... Like Keiko-chan, when she realised I wasn't her actual parent. She didn't say a thing."
"She didn't?"
"Mm... She merely accepted the situation as though it wasn't a big deal. Of course, I was relieved that she didn't start to hate us... But since then, I wondered what she truly thought about us. I started to think she really did hate us deep in her heart. And I regret, not being her actual Mother. No matter how much I love her... I-"
"Mama..?"
Standing just by the arch leading to the hallway, Tsuchida-san reveals herself; taking her Mother by surprise.
"K-Keiko...-chan..?"
"Mama... what you said... Is it true..?"
Realising her daughter's been listening in, she hops off the stool and steadily approaches her.
"Keiko-chan... I-..."
Having difficulty expressing her feelings in front of her daughter, Tsuchida-san gradually steps closer. Her body's trembling, however, she perseveres; I'm sure she really wants to hear how her Mother truly feels about her. If she can say so like she did to me, then I'm sure...
"You'll be okay now, Tsuchida-san."
I'll see you tomorrow.
Comments (0)
See all