My sweet, sweet Ari.

I miss him so much I can’t stand it I wanted to ask him to come inside of my place but I refused to say anything, mostly because I just couldn’t do that to myself.

I don’t want to admit it and I shouldn’t even have this type of thought but I just can’t help but to feel like this—I believe I have fallen for this guy. All day everyday I think about him and I hate it, I hate how he has done this to me.

Also I know that he seen Parker and Alex and I know how he feels about the two of them especially Parker but its not what he thinks. I’m just tired of being alone and I really want friends regardless of how he feels about them. He doesn’t own me and we aren’t together so its no big deal.

But damn it I want him here so badly with me.

He told me that I looked good, he made me get that feeling that I love when he says such sweet things to me. I have no idea what is wrong with me and why I just haven’t let him go when I should have the day he told me he doesn’t want to see me.

That hurt pretty bad mostly because it really did seem like he was ready to open up to me and let me into his world. I want to wait on him, I want him to see that I am very serious about him and I and that I am not someone who can be pushed away so easily due to their past.

I’ve had ample amount of time though to move on from him and start looking for love but you know what? I have been waiting this whole time. I have given him the space that he requested for and clearly deserves but this has also been screwing with my own emotions because I don’t know what to do.

As much as I have wanted to do so I’m not going to text him or even contact him in anyway, I hate it so much but I know that this is how is has to be for a while until Ari gives me some type of answer.

This is why I have to keep myself as busy as possible or else I will drive myself crazy by thinking about him and thinking about what is going to happen with him and I.

I have been hanging out with Parker and Alex a lot more lately its very easy to talk to them and just let loose. They both enjoy coming over here to hang out with me as well and let me tell you ever since I have been hanging out with them more I have questioned why they aren’t together.

They look so happy together and they constantly flirt with each other so I just don’t get it at all or even understand their purpose with each other. You can tell though that Alex likes him a lot more than Parker does it makes me wonder if they are having a situation like Ari and I.

“Let’s go out Saturday y’all. Just us three we would have such a great time!” Why is Alex turning into Jacely when it comes to things like this? This is exactly what she would say and do.

“Are you sure Alex? You can’t think of anything else to do? We could literally just go to my place and have a party there.” Parker really seemed like he just wanted to stay home for some reason. Which I don’t blame him at all home sounds like a great idea.

“Come on guys! If you don’t need this then go for me cause I do need it! Since someone wont give me anything I have to go out and find someone to lay down myself.” Wow, the shade that just came out of his mouth completely threw me off that I started choking on my air and saliva all at once.

“Jesus Alex!”

“Damn you gotta do me like that man?” Parker sounded like he was really offended by what Alex had just said to us.

“It’s the truth, you’re so gone off of a certain someone that you don’t see what is right in front of you.” This is getting real deep I already know who Alex is talking about and quite frankly I really don’t want to hear about it.

I really don’t want to talk about Ari especially when I’m just trying to do my own thing and not think of him or even worry about him.

“Alex I don’t want to talk about this, you know it’s complicated and you know how much I liked him. Sorry if this this weird for you Ash.” Parker had said to Alex and I.

“Oh uh..It’s all good. We aren’t really talking anymore anyways.” Both of their eyes grew so wide at my words, how did they not notice this in the first place? Like I have literally been hanging out with them almost everyday so how would I even have the chance to even see Ari?

“What do you mean? What happened?” Alex really seemed so concerned with this situation that I am currently going through.

“We just stopped talking, its not biggie though guys.” I mean what else was I even supposed to say?

“We are for sure going out this Saturday and that’s final. You and I most definitely need this you’re going too Parker just for company. So get over it.” Alex is a bossy little shit I’ll tell ya.

“Okay fine whatever don’t kill me over it man.” I just don’t see why Parker go on and just start dating Alex you can clearly see how much they really do like each other.

I’m that they could say the same thing about Ari and though being how close we seem to have gotten over that weekend but hell I don’t know.

Both of them stayed at my house for a while and we all just talked and had some food together, Ari wasn’t brought up again which I was quite thankful for to say the least. I’m also thankful to have some friends in this town now because it was getting lonely being by myself everyday.

“See you guys later.” I said as I let Alex and Parker out of my place.

“Don’t forget about Saturday Ash! If you wanna ride with me that’s totally cool.” I don’t really know about that.

“Yeah Alex I’ll let you know, see you guys Saturday be safe on the way home.” They began walking away and I began to look over at Ari’s door which was probably something that I shouldn’t do to myself.

I looked over there and what do you know Ari was walking out. How does this keep happening between us? I should have ran inside as quick as possible but my body was refusing to move, I wanted him to see me. I wish I didn’t have to see him though.

Our eyes connected once and I became nervous all over again. This has got to stop.

“Hi Ari.” I had said first before he could even have the chance.

“Sup man.” Was literally all he said before walking right past me.

Okay first of all, his cologne smelled so good that I was ready to melt right then and there. Secondly, why was he so dressed up? Well not completely dressed up but he looked so nice, where was he going?’

Why did he not talk to me? Was it because of Parker and Alex being here again? Why would that even matter though? Why do I have so many questions?

This is so aggravating I’m so sick of things being like this between him and I want to be with him, I don’t want to have to wait anymore I just don’t get it.

One night stands are not supposed to be like this.

‘You riding with us Ash?’

Oh how I wish I did not have to go to this damn club, we are going to the same one where Ari and I basically had sex at on the dance floor—twice. Yeah like that’s not gonna make me wanna be there that much more.

‘Nah I’m good man. I can drive. See you there.’

Plus I don’t want to be stuck there, when I’m ready to go I want to be able to leave when I feel the need to do so. I’m not really planning on staying there too long, I might have a drink or two then I am out of there.

I’m not usually like this but my mind is somewhere else and it is so difficult to want to do anything right now without feeling the slightest bit distracted.

As I was leaving I looked toward Ari’s door in hopes that he was go0ing to be there like has the last couple of times. But no, he wasn’t. I don’t really know what is worst I’m so relieved that he wasn’t there but also so very disappointed that he wasn’t either.

I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath. I really have to stop being like this.

When I got to my car I had noticed something. Ari didn’t walk out of his place because he was not there, his car was gone so where could he have went? I honestly really should not care that he he was gone but...I really wanted to see him before I had left.

Listen I don’t know why I am like this, okay? I am doing my best for what it is worth.

Once I finally pulled into the parking lot of the club, which the name of it was Zweisamkeit which means togetherness in German. I just sat in my seat for a few minutes because I was doing my best to not talk myself out of going inside, I am going to have a good time this is going to be a lot of fun.

Maybe I will actually find me someone tonight who will love me and wont take me for granted. I can hope for that at least.

I took a deep breath and started to make my way for this wonderful place called the club, here goes nothing. Once inside I instantly went to go get myself a drink I do need to loosen up a bit for this place that’s for sure.

“Ash you made it!” Alex yelled at me as I grabbed my drink, I took a big swig out of it and let it hit bottom.

“You thought I wasn’t going to come man?” Wow where is the faith at?

“Well you didn’t seem too pleased at the idea of even coming. But enough of that lets go have some fun!” Parker said to us. Let me just say this real quick, Parker was the main one who did not want to come to this so I don’t know why he put me on the spot.

He must really be feeling himself right about now.

The three of us went to the dance floor and started moving to the music, I wasn’t really feeling it because it just wasn’t the same. I really wanted to be here with Ari.

Like the first night we were together.

I closed my eyes for a moment and thought about him. That first night, kissing all over each other, touching and rubbing each other. I miss that so much you just don’t understand.

As I opened my eyes I thought that I caught a glimpse of him. Of Ari. I wiped my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing things but what do you know, there he was. Staring right back at me. What is he doing here? Did he know that I was going to be here?

“Ash? Alex said as I started to walk away. “Where are you going?”

“To get another drink.”

“But yours is—“ I quickly downed my cup and walked to the bar before Alex could finish his sentence. I ordered myself a double tequila on the rocks, I know it’s wrong but I just need this right about now.

Just like before I took a big drink out of it letting it burn me the entire way down. Maybe this will put some sense into me. I turned around but I didn’t see him anywhere so i made a B-line straight to Parker and Alex.

“What did you get Ash?” Parker had asked me.

“Uh double tequila on rocks.” Their faces were priceless but then again I am sure mine was too, I know mine had the words panic all over it. I was literally sweating so bad.

“Are..are you okay man?” No I am stressing the fuck out right now.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good man. Lets have a good time.” I took another drink and then let the music take over one again.

I’m not drunk yet but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling it. For a minute I had thought Ari had left because I hadn’t seen him in a while. But then I found him.

He was talking to someone, a girl I think, I don’t know. Our eyes locked on to each other we both knew what we wanted and what we needed and that was one another.

I’m very stupid for this but I wanted to get a reaction out of him, I started to dance on Alex and Parker. I got in the middle of them, with Alex in front of me and Parker behind me. It seemed like both of them were quite fine with this which made it that much better.

Parker put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer into his groin so I could feel everything that he has going on. Alex grabbed me by my shirt with one hand since the other was holding on to his drink. 

I could tell by Ari’s face how upset he was getting but that just made me want to do it that much more. This is what you call, liquid courage ladies and gentlemen.

I just couldn’t help but to smirk at him I wasn’t going to stop either, I felt so invincible towards him. I knew he wouldn’t walk over here because of Parker so I was enjoying every last second of this.

Parker got pretty close to my neck and that’s when I realized I shouldn’t take this any further for many reasons so I gave him a soft smile and then separated from the two.

I looked at Parker and Alex for a second then back at Ari only to see that he was no longer standing where he originally was. I hope that I didn’t make him too mad by doing that, I should have known better than to have teased him like that. But no, I am a whole dumbass.

“Don’t stop dancing now.” I had jumped so hard, there was a low and seductive voice that was in my ear, it send chills down my spine.

He appeared from behind me and joined our group.

Damn you Ari.