He looked much older and thinner than he had the last time I saw him. Mac passed by me in the hallway today. He didn’t seem to have seen me, and I almost didn’t recognize him. I tried calling to him, but he didn’t hear me over the footsteps and chattering of the rest of the students. Or maybe he just hadn’t recognized my voice. I couldn’t believe it. What I was sure of though was that he hadn’t just been ignoring me for two years. He was put in my math class last year and he never showed up. He’d left school. I texted him in my next class:

Mac! I saw u in the hallway today. Where have u been?

He didn’t respond though. He found me and sat next to me at lunch. He carried no lunch, but he did have a water. He was blinking more than most people normally did. Did he have something in his eye?

“Hey.” said Mac.

When he spoke it was like I wasn’t talking to the same person. I didn’t know what I had expected. Puberty had hit us both pretty hard.

“Hey man, what happened?”

“I… well, I was in a hospital.”

raised my eyebrows in disbelief,

“For two years?”

“Yep. It was rough.”

“What were you sick with?”

“... it doesn’t matter. How have you been?”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? It totally matters. What if it comes back?”

Mac winced,

“Don't even say that.”

Fine. He didn’t want to say.

“But you’re better now right?”

He nodded,

“Sort of. One of my meds have awful side effects, but I’m not sick anymore.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“My immune system is weakened, I constantly feel nauseous and dizzy, and I have this blinking

tic now.”

The last part thoroughly confused me.

“A tick?”

“Not the parasite. A tic is something some people do repetitively, like bouncing your leg, or like when people have tourette’s. It just means I blink a lot.”

“Ohhh, okay. Anyway, that sucks man. How long have you been on it?”

“About a month I think? I’m not really sure. It was hard to know dates in the hospital.”

I nodded. I was real curious about what he was sick with, and why he didn’t want to talk about it.

“So is that why you don’t have lunch? Your nausea?”

He nodded,

“Yep.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

“Nope.”

“Well you gotta eat some time. Eat something that won’t make you sick. I dunno, maybe this apple?”

I offered him my apple. He took it hesitantly. He had to be hungry.

“So how have you been?” he asked me.

Me? I was doing horrible. I was failing most of my classes. I’d taken up smoking and drinking. My mom reminded me of how worthless I was basically every day. I had no friends. I hadn’t been happy in years. I wanted to die more than anything.

“I mean… I’m alive.” I dismissed, “Life hasn’t been great for me.”

A sullen look spread across his face.

“Yeah? Well, the reason I came to sit with you was to apologize. For being a dick that summer, and for disappearing without warning. I want you to know I’m back and I don’t plan on leaving any time soon. Unless you’re still mad, of course. If you are, I’ll just leave you alone, but you don’t seem like you are.”

“I’m not. I’m sorry for being snappy, I was getting sick myself. Not physically, but like, depression. I’m a depressed little fuck. I thought you hated me, so I was trying to hate you back.”

“I get that. I never hated you. I… I wasn’t in a good place mentally either. If you promise not to judge me, I’ll tell you why I was in the hospital.”

I looked at him. He was fiddling with the stem of the apple.

“I promise.”

I would never judge someone for having a mental illness.

“I’m Schizophrenic.” he sighed. After a moment he looked up at me.

Woah. It made so much sense, all the weird things he said before he left. So my friend legitimately crazy…

“Okay. That’s okay with me. I-I mean, not that you need my permission.”

He smiled a little, but it faded.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, I’m better now.”

It was clear he was ashamed of that aspect of him.

“Hey. Even if you weren’t, I’d be here for you.”

HIs smile returned.

“Thanks. Back at you. I take it you’re still depressed; I’m happy to help however I can. I’m a good listener.”

He put a hand on my shoulder. I nodded,

“Thanks.”

I would take him up on that sometime.