I’ve committed a lot of sins.

I can’t atone for it all.

I’m not even sure if I was human back then, in-fact… I don’t think I actually was human back then. I don’t know where I’m heading, I never did, and I think it’s more than ever before that I feel that way now. 

I’m not even sure if I deserve to have a roof over my head, with a family that has treated me friendly for eternities, only for me to take it for granted a lot of the time through my life and spit at their face (metaphorically speaking).

I am a traitor, and I’m also someone that doesn’t get recognized in the streets since I’m a nobody, and I’m someone who is somewhat of a paracist. 

I try to do my best to attribute for society, but apparently, that’s not well enough, because I don’t think I am good enough.

Why is that?

Well…

It probably has something to do with my actions and the way that I’ve not only poisoned my family, but also my community. I’m not sure if I deserve to live or exist. I’ve made a lot of horrible mistakes, a lot of them that I cannot change, ever.

Maybe I’m not supposed to exist? Maybe… I should just die in a pit of fire, at least that way… I know that I would’ve wasted less oxidation and poisoned the society I participate in ultimately less at the end of the day.

I think I’m not very normal.

Maybe it is the very fact that I have autism (Despite the fact that I have no evidence for it whatsoever). Or maybe it’s just the fact that I’m a complete nobody…

I always try to improve, I want my grammar to develop and I want my intellect to develop as well. But it seems that whenever I try to do it, I give up before the change truly begins to arrive, which is during the hardships.

I guess I’m just a weakling and a complete good-for-nothing parasite that won’t ever contribute to society ever.

I guess that’s the way I’ll always be.